What is your opinion?
Fun story
"I loved this story with my only critique being the final couple of paragraphs feel as though they were rushed to get to the "Punchline". Pull that out a little more and let the characters describe the journey back to the ship instead of having a narration info dump and I think this would be perfect."
A fun read!
"This is a nice break from the usual "human race meets aliens" plot. Bureaucracy, the true terror of the universe. The irony in Crosby developing xenophobia was pretty funny, as was the captain developing megalomania, though I think a little more could have been put in about how the Sleep made them develop those issues. Tsao was hands down my fav character, she was awesome :)"
Red tape. Can't even get away from it by leaving the planet.
"Love your writing style, a very entertaining read. I enjoyed the premise but it was a little sparse on the details. A bit more description of the alien city and their trek back to the ship might have been good or more interaction with Mithran. After the build-up it was a little bit of a let down when he did meet the castaways and that was it. Overall though I really liked this one."
Answer in Triplicate, Please
"Wide-Eyed Primitive Humans meet Bored Alien Bureaucrats, Mr. Edgar's short story reminds me of some of Randall Garrett's yarns about humans meeting aliens. These short stories from the 60s tend to me my favorite and it's nice to see a modern one once in a while."
Answer in Triplicate, Please
"The twist on looking for the sublime and finding more of the ridiculous is cool. Ron Goulart was about this good, and it reminded me of one of his stories. I would like to see more of this writer. The best part of the story was the Bureaucratic alien world contrasted with the human small mindedness. A whole novel could be made of how someone procedes to use the bureaucratic nature of the aliens against them, conquering the galaxy. The weakest part of the story was it's lack of detail about the aliens, their city, and other details which would be foremost in the crew's mind. Since the story was headed for a punch line, this was understandable, but if this is expanded into a series of chapters for a novel, more detail is a must."
You are in a "No Stopping Zone"
"If I had to guess I would say, like me, you are a fan of Douglas Adams. Your story seems nice and focused to me but I found it a bit lacking in detail. I got a pretty good picture of two of the crew, Capt. Onyango and Lt. Crosby. The other two crew members, not so much. I did get a pretty good picture of the two Concordance admins. The chronology of Concordance contact with Earth was also a bit confusing to me. Last contact 150 years ago, three missions, sixty years after and they still seem to be collecting information?? You may have also missed an opportunity for some humour with possibly some vague references to Area 51, UFO's, Crop Circles and other Alien Theories.. The parking ticket was a great ending. What about the graffiti though? So many potential laughs there just trying to explain it when they return to earth. Don't stop now. Keep writing. David"
