Kyle and Sam Converge

Halflings Unleashed

Volume One

Michael Courtney Woodard

Act II: Kyle and Sam Converge

Mechanical canned laughter erupts. “Sorry for the laugh track, but that was so funny!” Cave Girl’s voice came from nowhere. ”Some tense moments there!”

“Where are you!?!?!” Shirley asks.

“Sorry, that is confidential,” answered CG.

“I mean you were a literal cavegirl earlier... Now where are you? What are you?”

“No where. Well, my avatar is on the way actually.”

“You’re what?” Shirley asks. “I seem to be full of questions... other than having a BABY inside me, you a******s!” She stomps her foot on the ground then falls over onto her knees in pain.

“Sorry. I think she means in a game, kinda lingo...” Kyle says.

A car horn honks out a modified version of “La Cucaracha” and some headlights flash in the dark nearby.

Shirley begins to cry. Kyle grabs her in a forced embrace but she shoves him off. “Don’t f****** touch me without my permission. After what happened with Dylan, I don’t trust spontaneous physical contact!” She chokes back some tears.

The car coalesces into view revealing itself to be a pink VW Beetle. The driver grunts curses as he tries to get the steering wheel to behave to his commands. “The damn car is driving itself!” says a familiar voice. “I didn’t pay extra for that feature!”

“Detective Sam!” cries out Kyle. He tries to stand but Shirley suddenly pulls him towards herself.

“Tyler!” Sam says in surprise.

“Kyle!” corrects Kyle.

“Whatever. I just got an APB on you two and then the car drove me here for a very long way...”

Danny looks at Sam in concern. “Are you hurt, officer? You’re covered in blood!”

Sam swallows hard. “It is someone else’s.” He shakes his head. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Shirley looks doubtfully at the car.”It’s too small to seat everyone.”

“Just call me Herbette!” says Cave Girl’s voice from the radio. “Sorry, transportation I can get no problem but I wanted to deliver one of the good guys.”

“I killed three men tonight,” Sam confesses.

“You’re a cop. So is that good or bad?” Danny shrugged. “I’m sure they could have deserved it.”

“One of them at least was a good guy… Maybe I could have laid down and let them kill me?” Sam wondered.

Shirley intervened. “Let’s just go! I don’t want to be at this house when my mom shows up with more cops!”

Herman looked around. “Where’s the luggage?” 3

Cave Girl sighed. ’Safe. Trust me. Just run or walk or ride or whatever!”

There was a bark. Shirley looked over in delight as one of her stuffed animals appeared. It was a female chocolate lab.

“Oh neat! I’m embodying a Doggerella doggie!” CG wagged her tail.

Herman’s phone beeped at him. He checked it. “Oh! I have a cab coming to take me home!”

Shirley looked sad. “You can’t come adventure with us?”

Lyndsay grabbed her stuff, taking the Herman head from Shirley as well as his other parts. “Sorry!”

“Kyle, come hug Lyndsay good luck!” Shirely told him. “Herman, actually!” corrected the troll.

They hugged.

Herman’s cab arrived and he left.

Miserable Road Trip

“Officer Rain, why are the cops after me?” Kyle asked, out 4

of breath. He and Danny had been taking turns running behind the bug while Shiley sat in the car with Sam.

“I don’t know! I wouldn’t even know why they want to kill me!” Sam complained. He honked the horn. “Let me drive my own car!”

Cave Girl’s voice came out of the car’s radio. “Aw, I like driving myself!” to which Sam huffed in frustration. “But anyway, there’s an APB out for a ‘Tyler’ your age in conjunction with a home invasion and killing of Dylan Pierce. Something about kidnapping?”

“APB?” Shirley asked, holding her hands on her belly.

“All Points Bulletin,” Sam told her.

“But my name is ‘Kyle,’ not ‘Tyler.’” Kyle panted.

“I know. But the charges are brought up by Shirley’s mother” Cave Girl commented.

“My ex-wife must want the house!” Danny said from the rear of the Beetle.

“Must be so. She’s implicating you as well” Cave Girl said.

“I’m too old to be kidnapped!’ Shirley moaned. “And my baby isn’t even born yet!”

Kyle knocked on the door of the car. “It’s my turn, Danny!’ He bent over and gasped for breath. “I forgot about the baby! Sorry!”

An old minivan came from down the street and stopped in front of Sam’s car. There was no driver.

“Sorry, Sam. Your car is a liability at this point.” The van itself was driverless.

“Fine! Whatever! At least let me raid my car for my stuff and also empty the trunk,” Sam sputtered.

“Aw,” Shirely said while Kyle helped her into one car and hoisted her into the minivan’s rear row passenger seat. “The bug is cute!”

“That’s the problem,” Cave Girl admonished her. “Too recognizable. Everyone in the whole town knows it belongs to Sam.”

“How long is this stupid night supposed to last?” Danny complained. “I’ll drive!”

Sam ripped his button down shirt off rather than undoing the buttons. He then put on a blue sleeveless vest he got from a duffle bag. “I was wondering the same thing!” He pulled out a pink vest and kissed it. “I’m sorry, Billy.” He then put the pink vest back into the duffle bag, took that, and slammed the Bug’s trunk.

“Was Billy someone you loved, Sam?” Shirley asked him as he got into the passenger’s seat of the van.

Sam blushed. “The only partner I ever had on the force I could truly trust.” He swore. “I hope those a******s that I killed at my house were the only ones with revenge on their mind.”

“The rest are darklings,” Cave Girl said. “Before anyone asks, they are lesser vampires. Shadow police officers sent from the government.”

Danny turned on the ignition. “Vampires?”

“Sorta like evil men who give off shadowy auras?” Sam guessed..

“Exactly,” was Cave Girl’s reply.

“They killed Billy. Now it’s my turn for revenge!” Sam intoned.

“Shirley sat up in her seat and pointed. “There goes a pickup truck!”

“I have no intention of following any pickups tonight or any night, young lady!” grumped Danny. “Was Billy someone close to you, Sam?”

Sam got into the van. “Kyle, could you load anything else I forgot into the van? I am frazzled right now.”

“Sure, okay,” Kyle agreed. He made himself busy. “Oh! The rest of our stuff is in here…”

Sam looked at Danny. “He was. He was my everything now that I think about it.”

Danny made a face but didn’t say anything about it. “Shirley’s mom was that way to me. But for many reasons she is like a different person to me. The girls didn’t get along.”

“Don’t blame me for getting pregnant like she does!” Shirley said. “I have to pee!”

“We can’t split up, girl,” Cave Girl admonished her. “Either do it where you sit or the boys have to suss out a private place all of you can do your business at.”

“God help me, you disembodied voice!” Shirley grumped.

“Just pull over, Danny” Cave Girl persisted. “A rest stop is likely being kept under surveillance.”

Shirley kicked the door open and cursed. “No peeking!’ She went as quietly as she could, then got back into the car. “Drive!”

Before Dannhy could comply, several police cars came roaring into view followed by a fire truck. Thankfully the two cars weren’t noticed as the police cars were going down a side street adjacent to the one they were on.

“Another fire truck?” Danny wondered.

Kyle climbed into the van alongside Shirley. “Yah, that’s weird.”

“Let me get serious for a minute. I love you people and I don’t know why. But I am here to protect you,” Sam intoned.

“I don’t understand those words!” Shirley said loudly. “What does love have to do with civic duty?”

“Well, that soured the moment,” Kyle complained.

“This man lost the last person he said he’d loved a long time ago! My mother left my dad for some thug!” Shirley began to cry. “I mean Dylan of all people!”

“Hey, we agreed not to talk about that,” Danny put in.

“You put me inside of mom’s belly and she didn’t thank you for it! She hated you for it!” Shirley swatted at her father without turning around to aim at him. “It was her idea for him to get me knocked up in the first place!”

Kyle considered his options. “Now this is a conversation worthy of having…but why are we having it now?” He sighed. “Maybe we should plan or something?”

Danny shrugged. “I am always planning things. Call me Cousin Larry because none of my plans work!”

Sam laughed. “I loved that show!”

“Dad, did you plan on living on the street, on the lamb at this stage of your life?” Shirley wanted to know.

“Of course not,” Danny huffed.

“Oh! On the subject of ‘living’ places Kyle has to go back to his house and take care of some chores,” Cave Girl piped in.

“I have to go home now?” Kyle asked. “I forgot.”

“Miss Jessica has been calling you. Your cell phone was in the pickup apparently and she’s been leaving a lot of voicemails.”

“Miss Jessica even?” Kyle groaned. “That must be serious.”

“Who is Miss Jessica?” Shirley asked.

“My landlord and my boss for my job,” Kyle said. “When it’s serious and I’m in trouble I get calls from her.” He hung his head. “I guess we have to go there, next.”

“I have heard nothing about your personal life beyond your parents! Why is that?” Shirley quizzed him.

“I’m not that interesting at all. I just do what I got to do to help others,” Kyle explained. “I am a giving person and I care.”

“I thought you lived in your pickup!” Shirley yelled. She slammed her fist on the seat in front of her. The one Sam sat in.

“Don’t yell!” yelled Danny. “Don’t be your mother, Shirley” he finished in a more even tone of voice.

“I guess you should put the address in the GPS if we are going there. I’ll drive us since I’m the one behind the wheel,” Danny said.

“I don’t know which place of the many I work at I have to go to,” Kyle said.

“I punched in the address just now,” Cave Girl said.

“This one? It says Caryn’s House on the label,” Sam said. “Oh crap, this is gonna be a tough one. Hazmat potential,” Kyle groaned.

“I texted Miss Jessica,” Cave Girl put in. “She will meet you there with your gear. Which she will deduct from your pay of course.”

“What will be so tough about it?” Shirley asked.

“The house should have enough room for everyone here,” Kyle said. “That’s the good news. Caryn lives alone most of the time in this big house she thinks is haunted. She’s really just bats*** crazy.”

“Miss Jessica said they have a new arrival at the house as well.” Cave Girl said. “It’s someone we know.”

“We do know her?” Kyle asked. “Who?”

“It’s Lyndsay,” Cave Girl informed him. “She’s letting me puppet her.”

“Don’t you mean ‘Herman’?” Sam interrupted. “That ‘he’ is letting you do whatever?”

“Thanks for the correction, Sam!” Cave Girl thanked him.

“You’re what? Don’t tell me you’re there locally, CG!” Kyle complained.

“Of course not, I just want to be close to you in person, Kyle.” Cave Girl teased him.

“I don’t want Tiffany making the moves on my boyfriend!” said Shirley.

“I’m your boyfriend?” Kyle asked in surprise. “You ask that as if you weren’t sure,” Danny said.