Murder On The Appalachia Express
Marianna bounced and tumbled across the bed like a ragdoll. “Pai, please, can you stop rolling over...” the groggy brunette muttered as she melted back into the linens, but with all the freed up space, she slipped back into deep sleep.
“Did the train just...?” Pai, the busty succubus, asked as she ran her fingers through her messy pink hair.
“I’ve not ridden many trains, but that was a big jolt. I think so.” Neon reached to wake the perfect girl as she sprawled facedown on the bed.
“Sunny, please let the princess sleep. The longer she sleeps, the less of her prissy drivel and whining I have to hear. She’ll be fine ’til morning.” Pai stooped and pulled the sheet up to Marianna’s shoulders. “Let’s see how long until she starts squawking. That’ll be fun to make bets on. ’Kay?”
The incubus replied, “She’s not the lady I really associate with inane squawking, but fine. Let’s verify and see how we can help.”
The two donned imaginary trackmen uniforms. Then they snuck out to inspect the derailment, struggling to appear busy as they waited for the train’s real railman to return to the interior. The first passenger car had somehow popped off the track. It would be an easy fix as soon as nobody was watching. It was strange, though. The wheels on that car appeared quite new, and the track showed minimal wear.
Neon huffed. “There’d almost have to be an explosion to knock it loose.” He scans the ridge overlooking a great forest and continues, “Well, the conductor is gone, so let’s hurry and—”
“Wait!” Remmy sprang out as the two squatted beside the car, followed by Lucas and her pet goat, Cornpuff. “Somebody just found a dead person next door to us. The conductor just confirmed it. It seems he wasn’t expected to die, so I think he might’ve been murdered.”
Pai scoffed. “Man, that’s so cliché. I didn’t know train murders actually happen.”
“Who?” Neon asked. “It wasn’t Marianna, was it?”
Remmy’s magenta eyes popped. “I-I dunno. Is she not out here with you? Where is she? I thought it was a guy, but he was next to Lucas and my room... like your room.”
Neon darted inside, shoving his way past a disheveled man in a suit who was leaving the passenger car. Near their room, 8-A, he found a teenage girl in the dim hall, still and leaning against the wall. Behind her, a man prowled about the window of the door leading to the second car. As Neon approached, the teen wobbled, straightening her posture. She wore some kind of school uniform, though not remotely neat or proper. Her half-buttoned-up blouse clung tightly to her neck on the right and dangled from her left shoulder. Pale, messy hair swung in front of her half-closed eyes as she swayed.
“Oh... you are...” She flashed a creepy open-mouth smile for a blink with a short, breathy laugh.
“What are you doing loitering outside my room? There’s been a murder on this train.”
The girl snorted awkwardly again. “A... murder? Like someone died kind of murder?” She reached into a baggie she had wadded in her hand and ate some morsel. “I... thought I heard someone rummaging around inside this room... Your room, I guess. This whole car is dead... like empty, not like...”
“Shh.” He swatted her out of the way and entered their room. There, he discovered Marianna still snoozing with a placid grin on her sweet face. “Marianna, wake up. There’s been a murder!”
“W-what?! I didn’t think that really happened on trains. I thought it was just a silly trope.”
Neon chuckled. “Wow. You remind me of someone, but I’m just not going to say anything else.”
“Wait. Who?” Marianna climbs out from under the covers. “Who do I remind you of? Neon! Wait... Who is that skanky girl right behind you?”
He flipped around to find the slobby girl in their room, strolling toward him. Like a cat, she jittered, as if startled by his sudden movement.
“I don’t have a clue who she is or why she’s here. Get out!” Neon gives the girl a soft kick to the belly, causing her to stumble into the hallway. “What do you think you are doing just walking into someone else’s room?”
She giggled and raised her gaze to him. “S-sorry... I was just...”
Having been exposed to the mystery genre earlier in the spring, Remmy called a meeting of the train occupants. Well, it was more that the conductor did, but the young succubus had petitioned him to do so ever since Neon returned with Marianna in his care. The conductor’s inspection of the corpse indicated the victim succumbed to a blunt force trauma around 7 AM in room 7-A.
Remmy steps into the center of the circle and tips her detective’s cap. “I ’spose you are probably wondering why we called you here.” She squashes her puffy cheek with an extended index finger and begins pacing. “Well, there’s two reasons, really. We know somebody killed somebody else, so if we all stick together, they can’t secretly kill any more of us. Secondly, we are stranded in the Kentucky boonies, so we know one of you is the killer, and I, an amateur ace detective, will uncover the truth. You can call me Remshlock, the famous lavender-haired sleuth.”
Lucas flinches. “Maybe you should rethink that name. You sound... poisonous.”
Marianna replies, “I think that name makes her sound like a cheap knockoff.”
Pai purrs, “You know, Lucas, depending how you think about it, we are actually kind of poisonous. It’s a good detective alias, Sis.”
Remmy squints. “Let’s start by getting acquainted and exchanging our names, room numbers and why we are on this train. I already introduced myself once, and I’m just here to get home, wherever home is for a wayward detective like me.” She lifts her pipe to her lips to blow a quick stream of bubbles. “Till then, my home is room 6-A. These four here are my assistants.”
The conductor raises his hand. “I’m Cole Powers, your conductor. With everybody who called in sick last night, I can assure you I was too busy keeping the train on the tracks to kill anyone.”
“This train does seem very understaffed.” Marianna nods.
A scruffy man in a suit exhales and leans forward. “Remshlock, like you, I’m also on my way back home from a business trip to New York. The name is Rover Mercer, and I’m in 2-A.”
The teenage girl Neon encountered shrugs as she unbuttons and rebuttons the top button of her top. Despite that, she appears much more put together now. Her clothing fully covers the parts of her body it was intended to, and she has fewer tangles in her strawberry-blonde hair. “I bet most of us are just trying to get home. I’m just an ordinary high school student coming back from a quick trip to meet a friend, much like you, Detective. It’s a real bummer we are stuck here, so don’t waste time with your games, Remmy. If you can’t solve this by lunch, you should leave it to the professional detectives. I have things I need to do back home, awright?”
“Ok. I won’t.” Remmy nods. “But what is your name, Miss?”
“Uh... Muh... kayla.” The girl hisses awkwardly again, her eyes shrinking to slits as her mouth hangs in an open grin. “Yeah, I’m Mackayla Lamarre from room 4-A.”
“Well, I’m Killgore Killmore,” the haggard man from the second car says, “and technically... I’m not supposed to be here. I stowed away in 1-B, but I’d never murder anyone. I’m the last person who would ever do anything like that.”
A pretty girl with springy red curls squints, extending a pointed finger toward Remmy’s party. “Marianna, is that you? It’s been a while. It’s me, Ruby, from that awful party in France a couple years ago.”
“It is you, Ruby!” Marianna rushes over and gives her a hug. “I can tell you right now, she didn’t kill anybody. Remshlock, this is Ruby Haddock, the heiress of Haddock brand tuna.”
Remmy shakes her head. “Sorry, Marianna, I can’t automatically rule anybody out just because they are your friend.”
“Fine, but don’t obsess over her. I think it will lure you away from closing in on the real killer.”
An elderly man takes a deep breath. “Well, that just leaves us from 5-A. We are the Mortigans. And we expected this would be a simple trip to see our grandchildren, but I suppose nothing can ever be simple.”
