Darkness Within

I hurried along an empty Hogwarts’ corridor, my face buried in a thick book. As I turned a sharp corner, I ran straight into two figures.

“Oh, so sorry!” I muttered, before glancing up at the people standing in front of me. My sharp blue eyes widened at the sight of the oddity, Luna Lovegood, with a most unlikely companion. My book slipped from my hands, landing with a muffled thud on the floor.

I quickly casted my eyes onto the ground, too afraid to look up again.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered swiftly. “So sorry. I didn’t know that you’d be here. I was— I was just heading to the common room. Ex— Excuse me.”

I tried to step pass the two in front of me, but Luna stopped me with a hand, genuinely smiling. I looked up at her, startled. After all, very few people smiled at me for real. Some laughed at me, yet never because they liked me. The few ones that did really smile were usually teachers, and occasionally, my reflection in the mirror, but that was even more rare than the teachers’ fleet smiles.

“Oh, don’t worry,” said Luna mistily. “It was as much our fault as yours. Wasn’t it, Draco?”

Luna looked at her companion expectantly, but he just stared coldly at me, his icy blue eyes boring straight through me.

Luna frowned a little, and bent down to pick up my book, while I stood there, frozen, staring back at him.

“Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.” Luna read the cover. “Well, it is a good book, but it’s a shame that they never mentioned the Crumple-Horned Snorkacks or even—”

“Aquila Lestrange,” Draco said sharply to me, ignoring Luna. “You never saw us, do you understand? Not. A. Word.”

His voice was forceful, warning me of the dangers that would happen if I did not do exactly as he said.

I nodded, ducking my head low.

Luna handed me my book and I quickly ran off. As I rounded another corner, I heard Luna say, “You shouldn’t do that.”

“I do whatever I please,” came the reply. “Anyway, she’s the daughter of Bellatrix Lestrange.”

“And you’re the son of—”

“I’m over that now.”

An unsatisfied huff followed that particular announcement.

I quickly hurried along the corridors, going deeper and deeper into the castle, through secret passages and hidden doorways, down flights and flights of steep stone staircases until I finally reached my destination.

I’d stopped in front of a seemingly empty stonewall.

“Cunning and sly,” I muttered, and the stone door slid smoothly open at the password. I stepped cautiously into the dim, green tinted room inside.

I rapidly skirted around the edge of the Slytherin’s common room, keeping my head down and trying not to attract any attention. As usual, it did not work.

“Lestrange!” yelled a pug-faced girl. “Come here!”

I closed my eyes, took a deep, calming breath, and slowly walked over to her, a forced smile planted on my face.

“Yes, Pansy?” I asked her, even though I knew what was coming.

She threw a stack of homework papers to me.

“Finish them by Monday,” Pansy snapped. “What are you doing, just standing there? Get to work!”

“Yes, Pansy,” I mumbled, and went over to a nearby table as Pansy and her cronies guffawed at the very sight of me.

I sat down and started doing homework. After I was done with Pansy’s, I pulled out my own and started on that too. Seconds, minutes, then hours crawled pass. When I was finally done with all the work, I looked up and realized I was alone in the common room. The clock read 3:24 a.m.

I was just gathering up the loose papers when the stone door slid open and Draco stepped in: his midnight-blue cloak billowing behind him, and his head-boy’s badge glimmering on his robes.

He froze when he saw me, standing stiffly in one corner with the paperwork in my arms.

“It’s already three in the morning, Lestrange,” he spat. “Shouldn’t you be… asleep? What are you still doing here?”

I showed him the homework, deciding that maybe the truth was the best for this case.

“Pansy asked me to help her with her work,” I said truthfully.

He raised his eyebrows.

“And you agreed?” he asked skeptically. “What sort of Slytherin are you, to do other’s dirty work for them?”

I hung my head and kept silent. Obviously it was a rhetorical question.

He strode over to me, and snatched the papers away.

I gave a little squeal of surprise, but I resisted the urge to take it back.

“What are you do—” I started, watching in horror as he stalked over to the still-blazing fireplace. “No!”

But it was already done. I stared in disbelief as my hours of hard work slowly curled to ashes.

And when I looked up from the fireplace, Draco was gone.

That was about the time I decided I had enough. Anger and resentment boiled up in me. I wasn’t going to stay here and let myself be push about.

I was leaving.

I walked slowly over to the stone door, and it slid open at my touch. I proceeded along empty corridors, up long passages, and into the Great Hall.

I went over to the big castle door, hoping it would be easy to open, but it had a big chain and an even bigger lock on its handles.

“Alohomora,” I muttered. The lock did not budge. “Relashio. Diffindo!”

Finally, I got an idea.

I stepped out into the grounds, the cool night air brushing softly against my skin. I took a deep breath, staring out into the across the grounds…

I froze. A figure stood near the Whomping Willow, her white blonde hair glistening in the moonlight.

I took a step back, trying to get back into the shadows of the castle, but Luna had already spotted me. She raised one hand in a silent greeting, and then gestured for me to join her.

To join or not to join, that was the question. I decided to join. After all, what was the harm? Luna didn’t seem the type to report on me, and, anyway, I had to go to the Whomping Willow. I had hidden supplies there, preparation for the inevitable. I’d known this day would come.

I cautiously walked to where Luna was standing.

“Hello,” she said vacantly, then went back to patting the air in front of her.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“You can’t see them? Well, that is a rather normal reaction.”

Okay. This was getting weirder and weirder.

“What can’t I see?”

“The thestrals, of course,” answered Luna, still patting the whatever-it-was.

I decided not to question her anymore, fearing that that might just result in more confusion.

“So…” I started hesitantly. “You’re taking a walk in the middle of the night.”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to come visit the thestrals.” Luna moved forward a little and proceeded to stroke the invisible object before her.

With anyone else, I would have dismissed the excuse and instantly launched into a series of interrogation, yet with Luna… she seemed so sincere.

I bit my lip. Was she lying? It didn’t seem so, but I had to be careful.

“So what are you doing out in the grounds so late at night?” Luna asked me calmly.

“Um…” I searched around furiously for an excuse before landing on the truth again. “I’m going to run away.”

Luna turned to me, smiling a little.

“That’s nice.”

I blinked. That’s nice? That’s what she had said? No ’Oh you shouldn’t’s or ’I won’t let you’s, but ’That’s nice’?

“Well…” I mumbled, at a loss for words.

“Where would you go?” Luna enquired, now mildly interested.

“Uh… I don’t know,” I admitted. “Just somewhere far, away from this place.”

And far, far away from Slytherin and its members. I added silently in my mind. Far away from Pansy and teachers and everyone… And far away from Draco, too. That was an especially wonderful bonus.

“How did you get out?” I asked, anxious to change the subject.

“Oh, that’s easy,” Luna said distantly, going back to stroking the creature. “There’s a secret doorway next to the main doors. I found it years ago, back when I was a first-year. Even the Weasley twins don’t know about it. I could show you if you stayed.”

“Uh, alright.” That was the only thing I could think to respond. Weird thing was, Luna wasn’t saying it in a way that made me think that she was trying to stop me. She just honestly wanted to show me.

“Why do you want to leave?” Luna’s dreamy voice jolted me from my reverie.

I didn’t trust her. I shouldn’t trust her. But somewhere deep, deep down, I knew that if I didn’t quickly tell someone, I would probably shatter under the effort of keeping it all in.

So I told Luna, my soft voice resonating around the still grounds. As I spoke, my voice grew from a tiny whisper to a harsh shout. I told her everything, all my troubles with Pansy, troubles with Draco, troubles with myself; how everyone treated me like I was a bomb, waiting to detonate at any moment. Like I was my mother.

At one point of my story, Luna stopped stroking the thestrals and sat down on a large slab of grey stone. She was a good listener, and she heard me out. She never interrupted, not once, and by the time I was done, I had a sore throat and a strangely peaceful feeling had settled over me.

“Better?” Luna asked.

I nodded.

“Come on, let’s go back to the castle,” she whispered.

So I followed her towards the gaping hole in the doors, the sky streaked with pink and yellow and all the colours of sunrise.

And from that moment on, Luna and I were friends… At least, we were friends for a little while. But I am getting way ahead of myself.

~

After that encounter with Luna, Draco started treating me much better— as in, much, much better. He just ignored me, and I ignored him, and we both had a perfectly pleasant experience in which the other wasn’t there.

Somehow I got the feeling that Luna had talked him into it.

But I was fine with that. Pansy seemed a little laid off too, and I wondered how Luna had manage to get away with that. Probably talked Draco into talking her into it. But I kept my mouth shut and didn’t complain about the improvement.

We did everything together, Luna and I. In fact, I had a sneaking suspicion that Luna had purposely arranged that so I wouldn’t get harassed, like, anywhere. After all, nobody was crazy enough to pressurize me when ’Little Miss Oddity’ or ’Loony Luna’ was around. Luna had this confident air about her that basically repelled bullies. Literally.

I never got a single threat after that. Only Pansy dared do it, and only in the safety of the Slytherin’s common room.

I should have known it couldn’t last. Nothing lasts forever, after all; especially good and happy things.

I had just entered my dormitory when I heard the mutterings. I looked up to see Pansy and her fellow tyrants huddled together, whispering furiously. Of course, with my extreme bad luck, I had to share my room with Pansy and her clones. When they finally noticed me, they stopped their conversation and stared pointedly at me.

I walked over to my bed and sat down, drawing the curtains close around me as I lay down. The whispers started right up again.

I listened hard, trying to catch what they were saying. It wasn’t too hard a job— Pansy was not an expert at subtle or quiet matters.

“Draco—” I heard Pansy mutter to one of them. “He—missing—maybe with that weird girl—what’s—name— Loony Luna.”

I stifled a giggle. So they found out about Luna and Draco. Well. It was about time that they realized. Of course, it would take more than a scant rumor to convince Pansy that Draco didn’t like her. She would most likely go investigating.

Sure enough, I heard:

“I—the truth—Draco would never—with that—crazy—”

I rolled my eyes at Pansy and her fantasies. She’ll find out soon. But for now…

I closed my eyes, trying to shut out the noise of chatter—

“Aquila!”

I sat up quickly as the curtains around me were ripped opened.

“What?!” I shrieked. “Who…?”

Pansy stood there, her arms crossed, staring daggers at me.

“I want you to do something,” she ordered. “Spy on Draco for me. Understand? Track him. I want to know what’s he doing all night.”

“Why can’t you do it yourself?” I snapped irritably. I instantly regretted my words as soon as they came out of my mouth, but it was too late. Pansy’s beady eyes narrowed, and she grabbed my arm, dragging me out of bed.

“Go,” she snarled at me. “NOW!”

Pansy shoved me towards the open door, nearly sending me toppling down three flights of stairs. I stopped myself from falling just in time, and whirled to face her.

“You’ll pay,” I said quietly, then turned and ran down to the common room.

I quickly made my way to the Great Hall, and then proceeded to the main doors. As usual, they were locked. But now I knew a secret trick that Luna had taught me.

I went over to the right side of the giant doors, and placed my hand on the cool wall, pulling out my wand.

“Ostendo,” I whispered, and a hidden door appeared. Luna had made that spell. She was really very smart— a fact close to no one knew, which was a real waste. She was awfully smart…

I tapped the door with my wand, and it slid opened smoothly.

I stepped out into the cool midnight air, determined to stay in the grounds until morning, and ignore Pansy’s threats. Yet as soon as I took one step out, my blood ran cold, my breath caught in my throat, and I stumbled back into the shadows of the castle.

Far across the grounds, two figures sat on a rock overlooking the lake. Their fingers were entwined, and they were sitting way too close for comfort, almost touching, their white blonde hair gleaming silver in the moonlight.

Draco.

And Luna.

Together.

I swallowed hard, trying to decide what to do. Should I ignore them, go back to Pansy, and make up a random story of some sort? Should I go up to them and ask them to wipe my memory of that scene so no one would ever know?

‘No, that is a dumb idea.’ I told myself firmly. No point of giving Draco another reason to hate me.

So… What should I do now?

I finally decided on wandering the castle until morning. Better to waste it than to harm somebody—or should I say two somebodies— when I could avoid it. Especially if one of them is my enemy and the other is my only friend. And while I walked, I could also think up a really good story to tell Pansy.

As I walked through the silent castle, every shadow stood out; after all, in the depths of darkness, a closet could be a figure, and a mirror, a face.

But the real shock came when I discovered that it also could be in reverse: When I walked passed a seemingly tranquil wardrobe and it sneezed.

On pure instinct, I pulled out my wand and pointed it straight at the figure.

“Stupefy—” I started, ready to follow up with a torrent of other hexes and curses, when the figure shouted, “Expelliarmus!” and with a burst of red light, my wand flew out of my hand, clattering to the floor.

The sky outside rumbled with thunder. Lightning flashed.

“Give. It. BACK!” I screamed at the boy, outraged at my sudden defeat. I was usually top of my class, a fact that caused even more trouble, and I didn’t like being outsmarted this quickly.

“Shh!” he muttered. “Do you want Professor McGonagall after us?”

I clamped my mouth shut. I hadn’t realized how loud I was, but now I knew that it was a miracle that Filch hadn’t caught us yet.

“Sorry,” he whispered. “I was just protecting myself. Here.”

He reached down and picked up my wand, handing it to me.

“Who are you?” I asked curiously.

“Neville. Neville Longbottom.”

My eyes widened. It was just my luck to bump into someone whose parents—

“And who are you?”

I bit my lip, rocking back and forth on my heels.

“Aquila,” I said truthfully.

“Aquila…?” he questioned pointedly.

“I’m sorry!” I blurted out, my voice rising higher and shriller with each word. “I’m really, really sorry. I couldn’t have stopped it, that wasn’t my fault, I know that you’ll hate me for it, and you really have every right to, of course, but—”

“Hold on a minute,” Neville interrupted, bemused. “What?”

“Lestrange!” I yelled at him, and then promptly burst into tears.

Neville jumped so hard it would have been comical if I had not been sobbing right there and then. He just stood there, frozen, staring at me.

“I—I’m s— so— s—sorry,” I muttered, then turned and raced down the corridor.

“Wait!” he called after me, but I was long gone, running past portraits, down flights of stairs, and away, away from everyone. The storm outside grew, and rain started to fall, sheets and sheets of gray rain, the clouds booming with thunder. Sobs racked through my whole body, about the total unfairness of it all. Why me? WHY me?

I was running blindly, running, running, running—

I found myself in front of a blank stonewall. I leaned against it, breathing hard, tears still streaking down. Finally, I straightened, wiped away some of the tears, and faced the wall.

“Cunning… and sly.”

The door opened, and I went in.

The common room was deserted now; the only light was from the blazing fire. I went over to the hearth, studying the flames dancing wildly in the fireplace, still trying to blink away my tears.

I sat down on one of the armchairs by the fire, mesmerized by the raging flames. Dancing, hissing their whispers of destruction as they slowly ate away at the wood.

When my eyelids finally fluttered close, the image of them was still branded into my mind.

Flames.

Fire.

Darkness.

Chaos…

A hysterical laugh came into my dream consciousness, roaring with dark humor. The flames slowly turned black as the laughter continued, on and on, and on, smoke rising everywhere, suffocating me, their smoky tendrils embracing me in a deadly cocoon. Dark fumes filled my vision, clouding all my senses as they enveloped me in death. Just as I couldn’t stand it anymore, the flames and the smoke slowly cleared away from my vision, revealing a dais and a woman.

She was tall, with long and curly dark hair cascading down her back. Her features were sharp, with a face that once might have been stunningly beautiful, but was marred with years of pride and arrogance and a lack of care. Her skin was tinged gray, and her eyes—

Her eyes were coal black. But there was more to it than that. It was pure black, but it seemed to have a depth to it that no description could fully capture.

The way the woman’s eyes bored straight into me was creepy. She herself was creepy. She shook me up even worse than anything else had, this woman with her uncanny resemblance to me—

And then I knew. I knew the reason why she resembled me, the reason why she seemed so familiar…

“Mom…?” I whispered, not daring to believe it.

She did not smile.

“Aquila, my daughter,” Bellatrix Lestrange said coldly. “A disappointment to the noble heir of Black. A softhearted girl.”

My eyes were stinging. My own mother was calling me a disappointment?

“I’ll try harder,” I said in earnest. “I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll be a true Slytherin. I’ll be a true Black—”

My voice trailed off as I realized what my mother had said.

“Black? N-Not Lestrange?”

She ignored my question. Instead, she took a step towards the dais, and lifted something from its surface. Something sharp.

Bellatrix turned to me, and held the object out to me, a question in her steely dark eyes: Will you take it?

I stepped forward and accepted it with both hands.

A dagger, still tucked inside its sheath.

“Sometimes you don’t need a wand. Sometimes, you need a weapon,” Bellatrix told me quietly. “A last resort.”

Then she smiled, maniacal humor dancing in her sable eyes, and I realized that the woman staring back at me was crazy. She had murdered crowds and tortured millions.

But the craziest thing was that…

Was that I didn’t care. It was utterly insane, but I simply didn’t care anymore.

I was done with stepping down. I was going to begin stepping up.

“Good,” Bellatrix purred, smiling wider. “Good.”

I smiled back, a beautiful sense of freedom trembling through me.

Then someone was shaking my shoulder, starting to shake me out of my revelation.

“Remember!” Bellatrix said urgently. “Remember that we are all proud descendents of—”

“Get UP, Lestrange!” someone screeched, roughly shaking me.

I jolted awake, breathing hard. It had been a dream. All just a dream.

But then I suddenly noticed an object in my hands: a dagger, still tucked inside its silver sheath.

I froze, eyes wide.

“So. Did you find Draco, or what?!” Pansy yelled at me.

I stared at her, not really listening.

“W-what?” I mumbled.

Pansy rolled her eyes.

“I. Don’t. Have. The. TIME FOR THIS!” she shouted. “TELL ME— DID YOU FIND DRACO?”

Then she did something even worse, something unforgivable. She hit me, hard, across the face.

I sprang up from the chair, Bellatrix’s words pounding through my head.

A disappointment…

…softhearted…

…Sometimes… you need a weapon…

On pure instinct, I swiftly unsheathed the dagger and threw it at Pansy. My aim was perfect.

The black dagger soared through the air, straight at Pansy. Her eyes widened, her mouth fell open to scream; nevertheless, she never got the chance. The dagger lodged in her throat, and she sank to her knees, staring in horror at me.

“Too late to apologize now, Pansy,” I told her mildly. “Maybe in the afterlife, perhaps?”

I stepped forward, and dislodged the bloodied dagger from her throat. Pansy crumpled to the floor, lifeless and unmoving.

I ripped a piece of fabric from the hem of her robes, and wiped the dagger clean with it, examining as I cleaned it.

It was a thin blade, with jagged edges and a cruel point. Some sort of ancient words were inscribed at the borders.

I squinted hard, and the words seemed to rearranged themselves.

“A blade forged for the legacy of…” I read, trying to catch the last few words, but they were too faded to catch.

I threw the bloodstained rag into the fire, and turned to Pansy.

“Evanesco,” I muttered, and she disappeared.

Suddenly, the horror of what I’d done forced itself upon me, and I stumbled back into the armchair, sinking down into it.

I’d just killed a fellow student, a crime that would definitely not be overlooked.

I took a deep breath, calming myself, and stood.

I walked over to one of the ornate mirrors in the common room. A girl with dark hair and frightened doe eyes stared back out at me. I forced myself to calm down, to lock away the horror, and the girl in the mirror did the same. I readjusted my features until I was happy with what I saw:

What I saw was a young woman with light olive skin, long and wavy dark hair, and intent blue eyes. But there was more to it than just that. It was pure blue, but it seemed to have a depth to it that no description could fully capture.

I smiled, and the same maniacal glee filled me.

I was a woman worthy of Slytherin: A girl worthy of her mother.