What is your opinion?
Not really my cup of tea but still..
"I don't usually read playwright style stories. Most of the times, I get confused because it's hard to visualize the emotions. But this one seemed to be able to expression the emotion that Margo was feeling despite it being in playwright. I could feel the frustration felt when she turned vampire and couldn't control her powers. Although there were some minor punctuation issues, it can be fixed after re-skimming through the chapters. :) But nonetheless keep on writing, stories can never be completely judged until they're finished. :)"
Ok I'm curious
"You've created some interesting characters and importantly a nice dynamic between Margo and Lyon. I like how you've fleshed out the their relationship and what appears to be more recent awkwardness. Some of the dialogue really captures this well. Most importantly you've grabbed my attention. In early chapters. You've teased me as a reader with subtle hints which is important to engage me. There are a few things that I think you could improve on though. Firstly, proof read everything. There are lots of little mistakes which proof reading would pick up and make the reading experience more enjoyable. Whilst you've used some excellent subtle descriptions, you also write some very detailed and long descriptions. I find this a technique which tells me too much too quickly, and often provides unnecessary detail and can distract from the plot moving forward.. Personally I like description to set the scene or to reveal just enough and save some things up for later when they become necessary. One final point on descriptions, a couple of times you've used a formulaic style to describe characters, how tall they are, lots of details of their clothes etc. My preference would again be to tell me what I need to know, and hold the rest for when it could be useful. All up I've enjoyed what you're doing with this and look forward to more, just please proof read the next installment."
Urban fantasy in its finest (On-Going Review)
"WARNING: This review could be considered mildly spoiler-y. This story hooked me from the very first chapter. All the mystery around the nightlife in the city and the brief mentions of vampires on the third paragraph (I love those creatures, an obsession I have never been able to get rid of) peaked my interest irremediably and immediately. A strong, fascinating start. The characters are all very likeable and I specially liked the main character, Margo, though she broke my poor heart! (I love Edgar Allan Poe. I love him with a burning passion). Lyon proved to be equally interesting and it was pleasing to find all the characters to be complex and multi-dimensional. Nothing's better in a story than the complexity of us humans represented among the story. The way the characters interacted was easy-going and light, specially the flirtation and the good-hearted jokes, which is something I always look for when reading YA novels. And then we get to the fantasy aspect of this story. Urban fantasy will always be irrevocably fascinating to me and this story was no exception. The combination of the city, the youth of the characters, the appeal of the night and the dangers of it mixed with grace and I just cannot wait for more chapters. The narrative and the way the story progresses are not perfect but I think perfection is overrated. Despite the flaws, the story hooks and demands attention. Easy, sexy; it's not difficult are all to get involved in this world the author presents to us. The existent flaws are something that can be perfectly fixed with editing and the plot is so interesting that light mistakes are easily forgiven. A must read for fantasy lovers. A story I'll definitely be keeping my eyes on."
Intriguing
"The story really drew me in. I liked your voice and the way you conveyed the characters. I could really picture them in my mind, inside and out. And then there was that twist in the end... I want to know more about what is going on! The writing and plot was extremely enjoyable. I could really sympathize with Margo and Lyon's relationship and the complications there. I only marked it down because of some spelling and grammatical errors, and there was a strange change in the writing style toward the end. I really enjoyed the story! I hope you do well in the contest!"
What would be a promising plot is overshadowed by descriptions
"Imagery is nice, but descriptions need A LOT of work. Too much description piled on is off-putting and ends up either being ignored or struggled through. The right amount of gradual description allows the reader to create their own mental image so they can enjoy the actual story more. Descriptions inconsequential to the plot or non-enhancing to the scene/narration should be removed (e.g. 3 windows, detail body descriptions). If they are involved in the plot or enhance narration, it'd be better if phrased in more general terms or more vague terms, with no fluff. One adjective or attribute per noun is usually enough. If they are necessary for the plot, they are better introduced gradually, here and there through relevant narration or paired with actions. If the point is that the character is beautiful, just saying the character is beautiful comes across as less superficial. Lots of technical errors, but those can be dealt with after the writing style is fixed."
