Wish Making For Idiots

Lesson 1

INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH(S):

It has come to my attention, through the reading of many stories such as the monkey's paw and many "Twilight Zone" episodes, that wishes are more likely to be received by idiots or people who are blinded by desire than those who are such sensible folk as myself. Through the watching of stories such as "Aladdin" or "I Dream of Jeanie," however, one is also able to see a pattern of not making good wishes.

Genies can be tricky. If you rub a lamp or hold an old relic that can potentially grant you wishes, keep in mind that genies and old relics have a vast knowledge of the human grammatical system and know how to find loop holes ridiculously well. After all, being stuck in a lamp or having your soul imprisoned in an old relic for 10,000 years gives you "such a crick in the neck." 10,000 years actually isn't all that long. For genies and old relics, that is. This is, of course, besides the point. 10,000 years is long enough for a genie to know that there's something else he could be doing with his time. Such as studying grammar, mayhaps?

I know what to do in this situation, and I wish to spread that knowledge with the common idiot. Be it that wishes fall upon you, use this guide as reference material. Good luck.

Lesson 1: Determining the trickiness level of the genie.

For now, we will concentrate on genies. Genies are very deceptive. They will act like your friend and then stab you in the back, literally, all while humming to the tune of 'you ain't never had a friend like me.' There are a few dead give-a-ways that can tell you if your genie is out to get you. Emphasis on dead.

1: Cautiously Contemptuous -if they use a monotone voice, or sound tired (If yes, than no go).

2: Sassily Sadistic -Whether or not they use sarcasm (If yes, than no go).

3: Feminine Fury -If they are male or female (Female is almost always a no go).

4: Confidential Con-man -If they will tell you about themselves or not (not going into detail isn't the same as not telling).

5: Horrible Hobo -If their lamp is well furnished (If not, than no go).

(To be noted; No go does not mean to turn them down. It simply means to be cautious.)

If the genie displays any of the negative characteristics listed above, proceed with caution. You can rate their trickiness on a scale of 1-5, 1 being not tricky, and 5 being oh-my-gosh-you're-killing-me. Remember, a tricky genie is an easy way to hurt yourself and others. (Deduct 1 point for every aspect above.)