What is your opinion?
Excellent!
"This story is excellent! There is just enough description to picture what is happening but not to much it comes over baring and the plot is very interesting it really holds your attention. As for the grammar I can't find one single mistake. From what I have managed to read so far I have very much enjoyed it and could see it become a published book. "
An Engaging Dynamic
"The plot of the story hinges on the interactions between its primary main characters. A vengeful spirit, a victim of human sacrifice, allies with a necromancer pygmy to find and punish those responsible for his death. These two characters play off each other nicely, and the flow of the story is generally engaging. The only distractions are occasional misspellings and random tense changes."
Final Sacrifice
"this story is actually really good, it caught my interest in the first few paragraphs. i love the tone/theme i’m getting from it, and the way the characters are being set up. the plot is a really good one and i cant wait to see what you do with it. of course, there are a few grammatical errors, but that comes with writing a story. Overall, you’re doing a really good job (: also i <3 beren "
'bloody' inspiring
"I don't usually go for this kind of read but this one had me at the first few lines. There was never a boring chapter as the author chose to give the readers the 'right seasoning'. There's quite a few mistakes on the use of punctuation but still keep the readers going. Over all this one is a good read, with a unique plot and interesting characters. Congratulations Mr Author as this one gave me a good nudge to start things. "
A winner! :)
"My only advice is to bookmark either www.grammarcheck.net or www.online-spellcheck.com. They help me. :)"
A Tale of Revenge and Retribution
"If you like a dramatic tale, well written, with more than its share of savagery followed by a perfectly satisfactory amount of revenge - read on. You'll love it."
A tale of revenge that would make Lovecraft proud.
"Well, well, well. This is quite delicious so far. I must admit I adore horror stories like this. Vengeful spirits brought back by a mistake combined with their powerful emotions. It's quite the set up you have here and I would be excited to see more of it. When I write a review I like to begin it with either criticism or praise. For a work like this, I'd like to start with the criticism first since there are only a few things I would like to note in that portion. First off, you're beginning was very interesting, however, I feel like you could have set the mood slightly before letting the priest speak. Maybe describe the atmosphere a bit to ease the reader in before hearing the preacher's booming voice. Just something I would have personally liked. Your punctuation in this work needs a bit of work though (which is why I have deducted a star there). There were some misspells as well (most of which I have sent to you in my feedback mail), the most egregious one being the confusion of jugular and jugglers. Saying that he "sliced jugglers" of his foes makes me think that Beren sliced in half a small man juggling balls on their neck and that's not the image you want to envoke in a horror story. Try to work on your comma usage as well. It's something I struggle personally with as well, so I would suggest looking up its usage in literary works more. And please watch out for run-on sentences, I know I had quite a few things corrected in the feedback email, but they were mostly minor mistakes that I know a lot of writers make. They did add up though so that's why I removed a star on that front. Now that we have that cleared out of the way, let's get into the praise portion of the review. And boy oh boy is there a lot to praise this work for. First off, let's talk about Scorn. Scorn has got to be one of the rare beings that I can fully call Lovecraftian horrors. The term itself is thrown around a lot these days, but Scorn actually feels very much like a Lovecraftian creation. Scorn is an entity that may or may not exist outside the dimension of life and death. He is represented by dark tendrils coming from a bright tunnel or at least that is what we are lead to believe. The possibility of something like that existing far beyond our knowledge, far beyond our dimension, removed from the world we know is terrifying. We don't know what Scorn truly wants nor what his ultimate goal is, but we do know two things 1) we know that something like it exists and 2) we know that it cannot be good (considering all the blood sacrifices it requires). A creature like that is what made Lovecraft's works truly terrifying and maddening to read and to see such a being reappear after all this time is truly refreshing. Many claim his title, but rare authors actually capture his essence especially in the monsters they create. Scorn has the potential of rivaling Cthulhu with his description and I truly hope you keep him in the dark and maybe add to his power as the story goes. The cult surrounding him only serves to testify to his brutality and horror and we fear this creature that lives beyond our mortal plain. A true cosmic horror like that deserves all the praise it can get. Your style of writing is very beautiful and highly descriptive. Every image appeared right before my face, every foul, wretched, stench of blood and gore oppressed my nostrils. Just thinking back on it gives me goosebumps. It really was a marvelous job. I have to give you credit as well with your usage of gore. While this work had enough blood for a blood bank, it never felt out of place or jammed in to make the work seem grittier than it truly is. It was used sparingly and at the right moments, making it fresh and gruesome each time it appeared. It was quite impressive and I loved it! The characters themselves were very intense and interesting. I liked the description of Beren's backstory and especially the second chapter. it really felt depressing and dark and I could feel my heart break as he watched his desolate village. It was truly beautiful in the most macabre way. The pygmy was also an interesting addition as well as her decaying steed. Really sets the tone for a dark fantasy. Overall, I really liked this piece. I think if you continue you could make it even more terrifying as his vengeance consumes him whole. As it stands it is a wonderful piece of dark fantasy mixed with cosmic horror and I would really wish to see more of it. Best of luck to ya mate."
Damn
"This was an amazing read, the imagery and descriptions were vivid enough place the reader directly in the MC's position. My only correction would be there was the occasionaly typo (like "stroke out at him" instead of "struck out at him." But beyond that not much, very good. Btw, I totally agree with the limit on short stories here, very restricting."
Great Start
"You have the makings of a riveting narrative here, which could potentially be very very good. The character development is solid and the descriptions enthralling. With a touch of editing to polish up the draft, I can see this book getting published. The most prevalent issue for me was grammar and punctuation. Throughout the story, there are a lot of missing commas, which can be easily fixed, so this is a minor critique, but be careful with this, as it can really annoy the reader and distract them from the fabulous story you've got going here. Another issue was the formatting of your dialogue. I won't go into detail on that here as I've sent some feedback in regards to this. As I said, this book has a lot of potential and I urge you to keep working at it and polishing it up. With some work, it'd be fantastic. All in all, a great read :) Good job!"
Review
"The revenge story is engaging and helps to become familiar with the character with aids in the introduction of new characters who themselves are fleshed out with motivations and backgrounds. It draws the reader in to see how the characters will handle and deal with the situation they have landed in. The settings of the story could be improved with greater focus on the scenery and how the characters perceive it. The language used made the imagery and tone of the story cleared and descriptive, although as others have pointed out some punctuation is needed."
Delicious Vengeance
"A lot of stories surrounding vengeance or revenge end with a sappy moral about how it won't make the victim feel better. I'm pleased to feel that this won't be the case. The first few chapters really lead be to believe that we will get a fully violent, sickening and satisfying end. This is a dark tale--no false advertising there. If you want dark, you've got it here. We follow a severely tortured soul who is looking to torture whoever wronged him. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to get ALL of his enemies, and so now he must find a way to use his evil form to find relief from this burning hatred he has for a deeper kind of evil. As far as improvements, you're already aware that a savvy editor can clean up some comma help, so I won't repeat it. But finishing it will help too ;) I look forward to a disgusting and satisfying ending!"
Very interesting
"I liked the story and themes. I would love to see more world building going on around the story. Why were villages raided, some more about the religion, maybe berens backstory or life before the village raid."
