Chapter 1
The school’s front courtyard is bustling with high-school children, and I watch them intently from where I am sitting. My friend Marie and I are sitting at our usual place: the hidden, grassy area in front of the school parking lot. Almost no one knows about this private place, so Marie and I can usually relax in peace without a hoard of gossiping girls screaming in our ears. Right now, Marie is finishing some Pre-calculus homework on a nearby bench, while I am lounging on a branch of a large, oak tree. I’ve always loved climbing trees since I was really young because being so high up makes me feel free. I close my eyes as the wind softly whistles in my ear, and the lull of sleep slowly begins to overcome me. Marie’s voice snaps me out of my tired state.
“ Come on, Lillian!” Marie drones as she packs away her calculus homework into her backpack, “ The bell is about to ring.”
“ Chill Marie, we still have a couple of minutes until school starts,” I reply back to her, rubbing my eyes with heels of palms. I had barely gotten any sleep last night because of the exciting idea I came up with. I jump off the tree and sit next to Marie on the bench. “Hey, so my mom is going out of town for a couple of days, and I was thinking about something fun we could do together.”
“Sure why not, my schedule’s free,” Marie replies back to me.
“Okay! So, I was thinking that we could finally go to that haunted house on Skidmore street. Ever since Aiden, my mom has been super over protective of me. She won’t let me go anywhere without adult supervision,” I roll my eyes super aggravated about my mom. Marie gasps at the mention of Aiden.
“You know why you can’t go to Skidmore street! It’s too dangerous and super creepy. I actually agree with your mom. There is no way that I am going to that haunted house. Haven’t you learned anything from Aiden!” Marie states firmly. I slightly choke up about the mention of Aiden. Aiden was my best friend for 9 years and my boyfriend for 2 of those years. He was the first person to understand me. We both loved adventure and craved the adrenaline rush from dangerous stunts. For our 2 year anniversary, we went cliff diving and it was the best experience of my life. We wanted to check out the haunted house on Skidmore Street as our next big thrill, but my mom grounded from going. However I didn’t want to ruin Aiden’s fun, so I let him go without me. The entire time, I was in my room and Aiden was facetiming me in the haunted house. It was fun for about an hour until things got drastically worse. I remember that day clearly.









This is movie material! You have talent! This story is visual! It is a winner! I see a promising future for both this story and for you as a writer! Wow! I love the part where the soft wind almost soothes the main character to sleep. It makes me feel sleepy, too. It feels so good to me. Please tell me what you think of my story "A Marvelous Woman like Lilly Louise." Thanks. :)
@laraiinesmith. Thank you so much!!! I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story. I would love to give ur story a try!!
In this short chapter you have given your reader plenty of reasons to continue. Your writing style is smooth and professional, and so far I love your main character. Great start, and I'm looking forward to an adventure:)