What is your opinion?
Mesmerizing
"Wow Just wow soooo beautifully written story Kept me on edge. "
Great Read :)
"I loved this book. The way it was written is truly beautiful. The way you can feel the emotions come through the story. Great read "
Oh my fudge
"I wanna know..more pls..update..love it"
King of Versailles
"Please continue the book "
Kings of versailles
"I really like the book .. So intense i would recommend this to my friends who also likes this type of genre"
Good story line
"Enjoyed the story line, definitely not the typical vampire story. Which is good. I personally like a strong female lead. Its definitely going in the right direction. "
A passionate and lustful journey through the land of the vampires
"I shouldn't like this novel. In essence, this novel is not something I should be enjoying. A romance tale focusing on vampires with soft erotica? Sounds like something I would avoid like the black plague. And yet, here we are. The eleven chapters that I have read so far have blown my expectations out of the water and showed me that every story should be judged on its context and the talent of the author rather than on the idea alone. So let's begin this review with the things I found could be improved. The grammar in this story was mostly clean (apart from a few mixed up tenses), however, there were some awkward phrases and run on sentences that ruined the flow of the story. The author has been very receptive to criticism so far and has made improvements to fix this issue. However, since it was an issue while I was reading and it is an issue that occurs later on a few times, I felt I should bring it up in my review as well. Sometimes shorter sentences can make it read better and they tend to improve the flow of the story by a large margin. This is why I have decided to give you 4 stars in this aspect. The other 4 stars are due to the POV issue that happened in chapter 8. You could have (and should have in my opinion) kept that chapter as Alexander's POV rather than shifting it. This was very jarring because 1) this never happened before or after in the story 2) it felt odd to take us into the castle and then out of it before going in to the castle again and 3) it lead to the biggest repetition problem in the story where we saw the whole scene of Celeste go off at the royal vampires one more time (which looks more like filler which is something you do not want to have in your story). I felt like I was being dragged all over the place while reading that part. An easy fix to the issue would be to keep us in Alexander's POV (without announcing it of course) and have us experience all the events that follow through his eyes. It was a one time issue and combined with some awkward sentences it brought down the Writing Style to 4 stars. An issue I kept seeing in the comments here (and in some reviews below me) was the issue of Celeste's and Alexander's design (or lack thereof). After reading the whole story I can confidently say that the author has either rectified this issue immensely or it wasn't an issue in the first place because both of them have rather large descriptions dedicated to them. These descriptions are woven into the tapestry of the story and they appear naturally when they are relevant. I actually found that to be an excellent use of description rather than dumping it all in one place. Also, as a suggestion, avoid use words like "bitch" or "butt" since they have a more modern feel to them (in the case of "bitch") or are simply too comedic to take seriously (in the case of "butt"). This was not an issue worth docking a star for, but it's something I would personally suggest to you. Now, with all of that said, there were a lot of things that I really enjoyed in this story. It felt very refreshing in a genre filled with Twilight/Vampire Diary clones and as it keeps going there is so much more to find out. This as much of a mystery as it is a romance. However, I am getting far too ahead of myself. One thing that I must compliment the author is for having a unique voice. The way she writes and expresses herself, the way her descriptions feel is very unique and not often seen in this genre. It carries a vibe very reminiscent of the romanticism era (some descriptions even teetering on a baroque feel) which give the story this gothic allure that is simply irresistible. The verbiage is filled with passion and vigor so much so that even I felt at a loss of breath at some scenes. It shows love and dedication to the craft which resonates with the reader on a nearly subconscious level. It is truly wonderful. This entire story feels to me like a version of Beauty And The Beast, but on more ways than one. In fact, the characters themselves are both the beauty and the beast just in different contexts. The beauty of Alexander is mostly superficial, at first glance. He is the charming macho lead, the irresistible alfa with a natural addition of charisma that comes oh so naturally to a vampire such as himself. He is a charmer a character that, at a first glance, you would believe to be a noble of the highest degree. However, he too has that beast side. His beastly side comes in form of his lust and his inability to handle rejection. He is a very aggressive character deep down in his core that, in all honesty, would be more akin to a werewolf than a vampire. When denied, he will do anything in his power to achieve his goals. This lustful beast is given the front and center stage in chapter seven where it comes to full fruition. However, once satisfied, that beast seems to revert back to his nobility showing that there is something salvageable in his heart. There is a glimpse of kindness, a sliver of good will and at least a hint that he truly can care for someone other than himself. He is a product of his surrounding and after chapter 7 he becomes a kinder soul (combining with his revelation in chapters 8 and 9) capable of caring for someone he has grown fond of. It shows an interesting dualism of the character which makes him somebody whom I want to see more of. Celeste is also a dualistic character in that sense though in her case it is much more apparent. Her animalistic and feral exterior is very well shown from her first introduction as she is seen slaughtering one of the king's men and later on his soldiers as well. This beastly and primal side also comes to play in chapter 7 as she is on the verge of giving in her control to the beast as well as her primal urges. It's a passionate flurry of maddening emotions that quickly spiraled out of control in that chapter and served as a stone that crashed into a lake sending its waves throughout the other chapters as well. P.S. I like how that chapter connected well with others as well and that it wasn't just a one-off thing that did not affect anything. However, there is a beauty inside of Celeste and on her outside. Physically, Celeste is described as very attractive especially when she is not covered in blood and she does have a beautiful and caring heart. Whether by intent or accident you made a very powerful dichotomy there where her surface is very rough and battle-torn, but beneath it all lies something truly beautiful. Both physically and metaphysically speaking. All in all, this is so far a great work filled with passion and an excellent author. I have to compliment the author on her mature attitude towards criticism and the way she is improving the story bit by bit. She does have a lot of natural talent and a huge well of potential which, combined with more experience and this healthy stance towards criticism, will certainly bread an excellent and powerful voice that will, hopefully, bring new life to the vampire genre. Keep up the good work and shine on ever brighter. I will be following this story closely."
Honest Review
"To begin great work thus far in working on your blossoming novel. It shows promise and has the opportunity to captivate an audience. Speaking of audience I sensed more dark fantasy elements aside from the vampire theme. Don't mind my curt opinion on that genre, but it does feel a little recycled in establishing the romantic vampire feel. However there is an audience for this type of work and that is what truly matters. Getting into the meat of your story I would like to point out the introduction. It was effective and got my attention vividly. At the same time as this book gets more exposure be ready for criticism on "lavishing your world" a bit more. Something interesting I am finding with that analogy is that the younger generation writers tend to focus more on the plot and the emotional aspect over spending hours describing what a tree looks like. You have a good writing style and it will only improve as you spend hours working on it. As far as structure of the story there were minor punctuation errors ( I am on to talk mine are horrid). A quick read through will fix a few of them and make it nearly perfect in that category. towards the end of your novel around chapter 8 i think it was. You stated Alexanders POV, I left a comment on that chapter describing my opinion on expressing the change of POV through a paragraph. but that is ultimately your story and one reviewers opinion. The pacing of the story seems effective but a bit short in some regards. granted there is no secret formula nor do I know your intentions for this book end game. I would still strive for 2500 words on average per chapter (story depending). Granted I may not be for this type of read I would recommend this work in progress to those interested in the genre. If I were a teenage girl I would for sure grab this book and read it at night. But alas I write this with a beard and an ale in my hand. Regardless great work, it caught my attention to read it to your last update. Keep going and get the word out for your story you got talent. Sorry for the long review Cheers!"
Excellent Story
"This is a fabulous beginning to a story. I was hooked by end of first chapter and held tight till its end. I am going to follow this author so I can stay updated on this evolving novel. I loved the action and the details that came with every scene. I urge this writer to continue on with this work and quickly as I want to know more... :) This is an excellent story I urge everyone to give it a read."
King of Versailles
"I liked the others writing style and the way each chapter leaves you in a cliffhanger."
Nice start
"This definitely has the potential to become a good story. The grammar and punctuation was the biggest thing that kept sticking out. I would recommend a website like Grammarly.com or any other grammar website to proofread your work beforehand. I think someone else mentioned this before, either in another review or a comment on one of the chapters, but there is a lack of detail. We don't know what Celeste looks like, or anyone else in the story. Especially when the King of Versailles is introduced, someone who is a main character to the story should be described in detail so that the readers can get an idea of who everyone looks like. Also, I would suggest adding a little more pondering in the 2nd chapter. We don't really know why Celeste would agree to be the protector or someone she hates who just slaughtered nearly everyone in her village. Maybe give a small amount of backstory now, just enough to keep the reader interested, and then unveil everything in later chapters? Just an idea. Overall, this is an interesting plot, and I look forward to see how it improves! Good luck!"
