Prolouge
There was nothing I could do.
I stare at the letter. My goodbye letter. This line was the opener to my ending, the space before the end. The line that my mother will first read.
The pencil in my hand quivers as my hand does. Thinking about my mentally unstable mother makes me a little more nervous about going through with this. She’s distraught about Father and Izzy, and me going and offing myself isn’t gonna do jack shit.
Mother was still fussing over the divorce, after three years. Izzy’s had her brat of a son already, and father forced me to come see him. Let’s just agree that he is not the benevolent kid I’ve ever met. Hell, that kid was bossing me around like I was his maid.
Thinking about him made my blood boil. My half-brother that never meant to exist. If father didn’t cheat on mother, we would still have a happy, normal life and I wouldn’t have an mother who mulls around the house and cries about the goddamn divorce. And one of the reasons why they divorced was because mother was shitty in the bedroom. Like, I was 12. Jesus Christ.
I was also the reason as well. Might I add, I was in the room with them, trying to have dinner, but no. Time for a fucking divorce, and hey, say those words right in front of your self conscious twelve year old daughter. Yeah, how fucking nice that was.
However, even though I tried to quietly show them that I was indeed standing there, father said something I can’t really forget.
“I can’t take care of a depressive child like her!”
I mean, props to him for guessing my fucking mood, but it still hurts me. I looked up to my father back then. He spoke his mind and rebelled all the time. Plus, he was a sucker for cuddle time, whilst my mother was too stressed to cuddle me. Now I’m the person giving the cuddles, since mother begs me for a cuddle every other day.
But now father is a gullible, close minded person. He doesn’t do anything for himself; hell, he doesn’t even stand up for himself when he is confronted. He acts like a child.
I wish I could stay longer, live a full life. That’s why you created me in the first place. You want me to live.
Well, I’m sorry.
This had to be done.
