The Note

Why was the sun out?

It was blazing hot outside and I was seething.

Why was the sun out and why was it so bloody hot? The one time I wear black and it’s a fucking sauna.

Besides, that’s not the point.

It’s Ty’s funeral and it’s sunny out. The sun isn’t supposed to shine. Isn’t that what happens in every stereotypical funeral scene in literally every movie?! It’s supposed to be pouring rain and thundering while we all hold our umbrellas and stay in silence to mourn the fact that he’s gone.

My twin brother, my other half.

Gone.

Why did he leave me? What did I do wrong?

The priest guy says all the shit about Ty and I just stand there, blank and unfeeling, numb and in shock. Suddenly I felt anger. Who is he to talk about my brother like he knows him? Like he understands him when even I, his own brother has no clue as to why-why he killed himself.

Why did you do it, Ty? I ask silently, lifting my head to gaze up at the sky, at least tell me why, so I can grasp the fact that you’re..gone.

I rub my eyes inconspicuously and straightened when my mom gave me a sympathetic look through red, puffy eyes.

I don’t need any goddamn sympathy. I already knew what I was going to do.

I knew my brother, from head to toe. He would never do something like this. He was always the peppy and optimistic guy, the caring and considerate friend you wished you had. He would never do something as horrible as taking his own life, he wouldn’t be that selfish.

“Korey honey,” I jerked up when I felt a light touch on my shoulder, I turned to see my mom smiling sadly at me. “Come on dear, it’s over.”

I looked around to see that the area was indeed, empty and I could hear the faint sounds of car doors slamming and engines rumbling. My eyes cast upon a slab of stone, propped up on the grass. I swallowed.

“Wait, Mom,” I called back quietly, she had already neared the car where my father sat and now she stopped gazing at me expectantly. “Can I just say goodbye?”

Her eyes watered at that and she let out a small shudder. “Of course dear, go right ahead I-” she stopped before wiping her eyes hastily, “-I’ll be in the car, don’t take too long.”

I nodded, though her back had already turned as she hurried to the passenger seat of our Range Rover.

Weaving my way through the graveyard, the leaves crunched under my battered Reeboks, and the wind softly tossed my hair back and forth like a ball game. It was so quiet, so peaceful, so normal that I just wanted to burst into tears and punch something.

Finally, his gravestone came into view, I had stayed far away because I didn’t want to see it, to accept the fact that my wonderful brother was no more, but now, I can’t stand it. I want to see it, to understand something that this world has to offer, even if it is seeing my twin’s grave.

I knelt down beside the piece of stone and took the flowers from behind my back. Placing them gently on the ground beside Ty’s grave, I stood up once again and gazed longingly at the stone.

Here lies Tyson Brewer

August 18 2000-October 21 2017

A wonderful son, brother, student, and person

Rest in Peace

I clenched my hands into fists to stop the tears from breaking through. No, don’t cry Korey you got this, I thought to myself as my nails dug into my palms.

And then, it’s like my vision cleared, if only just for a moment. The sun broke through the clouds and the gravestone was illuminated and at that moment I made a promise to my brother.

Ty, if you’re listening, I promise you that I will find out who made you do this and make sure they pay. I swear on my life.