Initium
In his eyes, there's nothing called a truth. It's nothing more than a beautiful lie.
There's only lies existing in this cruel world where he lives and breathing. There's nothing beside it.
There's only two side. White and black. Good and bad. Sin and virtue. But, there's no truth. There's only a thing called lies, that always existing and said by every people in their life.
Living with his abusive mother, who only spewing lies from her mouth and beating him from times to times and never gave him the love he longing for, his heart turned cold and hard as an ice.
He always felt the world is so cold, holding his breath to live a cruel life, it's felt so hurt and ridiculous to him. Why he even wanted to live in this cruel world and the so called reality? Like, he cared about his life.
He's only a lifeless vessel, without anymore soul living inside it. So empty and cold, living inside the darkness.
His only reason to life is to pay her mother's kindness for the life she gave to him. She is the reason why he born and lives in this cruelty. She's the person he always loves and respect from deep inside his heart; but she is also the person he despise and hate, more deep than his love and respect for her.
He always enduring it silently and never said anything to her nonsense. He always ignored her and doing the chores diligently without complaining about everything. He always praying to the God for his mother while she drinking beer and going out in her spare time.
This, without doubt is a duty for him to do as a son for his mother. He carried it without much words and keeping his mother in checks with her bad habits. He only wants to ends this and lives a quiet life in a small town.
'Are you sure about it?' a voice asked with chuckles.
It was late at night, near midnight. Anyone maybe would be scared to death from the voice, but not him. He didn't thought too much about it, as he laid down on his bed and thought about what to do tomorrow.
'Rude human, don't ignore me!' The voice shouted at him, seemed annoyed by his ignorance. 'Aren't you afraid of me? I'm a demon!' It said with proudness and arrogance.
He rolled his eyes and cover his eyes with his left arm. "Then, what do you want, oh mighty demon?" He asked with mocking tone, not caring about this so called demon. He only want to sleeps peacefully and wakes up early to do the chores.
The demon seemed to be delighted and happy when he recognized it's presence. 'Good, you recognize me, human! Now, where we stopped before... Ah right! Don't you feel bored taking care of your old lady?' It said like a salesman trying to promoting his service. But, he didn't really cared about this demon. Nor he need anything from it, for him it only a nuisance that annoyed him and disturbing his rest.
"My mom? Nah, I'm just doing my duty as her son. It's natural for me to taking care of her, she is my mother. The one who gave birth to me and letting me see this world," he answered and shrugged his shoulders. He didn't really cared that deeply for that old woman. She's lucky, she is his mother. Or else...
'Really?' The demon asked with doubt, although it seemed to be amused by his sentences, more. 'Well, well. That's not a good choice. Why not ends this nonsense quickly?'
He fell into silence and didn't said a word. Only closing his eyes and hearing the thumping of his heart in the deep silent night.
'Not answering, eh?' The demon chuckled lightly, not bothered by his silence treatment. It then said, 'Well, we will talking more after this, anyway. My name is Asmodeus, human. See you again. Soon.'
He didn't answered him, and only let his consciousness slipping away and fell into the dream land. He didn't care if he will meet with Asmodeous, soon.
-—-
The woman drinking beer again, when he came back from school it was what he saw.
She sat at the sofa in the living room, with a dozen bottles of various beers an whiskeys laying down, either on the table or the floor. The orange rug that covering the living room's floor stained with beer, and some crumbs from whatever the woman ate this morning. She dozing off in the sofa, snoring loudly.
He stared at her with face void of emotions and went to the kitchen. There's many opened snacks on the dining table, some chips littered on the floor, and pool of water on the floor near the fridge. Some withered fruits fell from the trash basket because it is too full, crowded by ants.
His expression twisted in anger as he saw the kitchen. He knew the entire room will be in the same condition as these rooms.
He had enough of this shit. He didn't even want to be born in the first hand, and living in this hell hole. Didn't want to be that woman's son. Didn't want to be her caretaker.
He just wants to ends this and say goodbye to that witch woman.
He placed his bag on the table and turning to see the kitchen set arranged carefully at the kitchen counter. His eyes fixed on a knife that laid on the counter, gleaming under the dim sun light from the closed windows. His hand quickly reached out for it, and his eyes examined the knife carefully.
He smiled. And hid the hand that holding the knife behind his back and walked towards the living room quietly, without making any noise. He stood behind the sofa, watching his mother snoring loudly and sleep peacefully, quietly.
His hand reacted quickly, and there's a large gaping wound at her neck, the next seconds. Blood flowed out heavily from the wound, and she snapped open her eyes widely, looking straight at his eyes as her hand reaching out for her wound, trying to close the bleeding wound with her shaky hands.
"Y-You.... Li-little... Ba-bastard—Y-you D-Dare—!" She said with her every breath weakened slowly. He smiled, a sick crazy smile. His eyes full of joys and delights as he watched her attentively. This is the scene he wants to sees in his entire life, he doesn't want to miss it and regret it in his entire life.
The woman's mouth gaping opens like a fish in the land, trying to get as many oxygens she could get. Her eyes full of tears, it's pouring down in her cheeks.
But, that's won't make her wound healed and got her safe from the death's door.
She's going to die, soon.
Her eyes then became lifeless, as her body slumped like a broken doll in the sofa. Blood pouring down and stained the sofa and her clothes, dyes it red. He doesn't care about the sofa. He doesn't care if this house get burned down into nothingness.
He only care for the feeling inside his heart.
He closed his eyes as he breathe, relaxed and relieved. He could smells the strong scent of iron lingering in the air and felt his heart swelling with happiness.
This is what I want.
He opened his lips and starts singing his favorite song, quietly under his breath as he got into his room and packed his things.
You lie silent there before me
Your tears may mean nothing to me now
The wind howling at the window
The Love you never gave
I give to you
Really don't deserve it
But now there's nothing you can do
So sleep in your only memory of me
My dearest mother
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes (goodbye)
It was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry (oh well)
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes (goodbye)
Goodbye...
Goodbye...
So insignificant
Sleeping dormant deep inside of me
Are you hiding away lost
Under the sewers
Maybe flying high in the clouds
Perhaps you're happy without me
So many seeds have been sown in the field
And who could sprout up so blessedly
If I had died
I would have never felt sad at all
You will not hear me say I'm sorry
Where is the light
I wonder if it's weeping somewhere
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes (goodbye)
It was always you that I despised
I don't feel enough for you to cry (oh well)
Here's a lullaby to close your eyes (goodbye)
Goodbye...
Goodbye...
He smiled as he gazed at the house. At the hell hole he formerly lived in.
Now, he could goes and travels to everywhere he wants. He got his freedom, he always wanted.
"Goodbye, Dear Mother," he said quietly. "May God bless your soul and may your soul arrive at the hell safely." Then he left quickly, leaving behind the burning house and many people shouted in front of the house, trying to extinguish it.
Inspired by the song from Silent Hill—Room of Angel by Akira Yamaoka.
