Fun with Russia

NOTE: History of Political Satire: In the early 1800s, Napoleon once declared the English cartoonist James Gillray “did more harm than all the armies in Europe to bring me down.”

A creative mind is a dangerous thing.

Some more dangerous than others.

1

Thin Skinned

The Kremlin, Moscow, the Russian Federation

Dissidence is not tolerated. Political satire is forbidden. There will be no orange, red, or pink revolutions. There will be no fuel for the opposition’s flames.

The president’s grip on power has to be maintained. His carefully crafted image, one of strength, represents all. The dictator’s dignity has to be preserved.

The state-run propaganda controls the media.

“The people will believe what they’re are told to believe.”

All criticisms were blocked. Uncooperative journalists were fired, fled, or shot. Sharing the wrong post on social media had become a felony.

The security services ruthlessly suppressed any signs of resistance. Protesters were arrested, charges inflated, and the most vocal opponents were silenced for good.

Methodically, freedoms had been removed, one civil liberty at a time.

Democracy was a façade. All that mattered was who had the authority to count the votes.

Corruption was rampant.

Holding onto power was the sole objective!

The truth be damned!

But, there were questions, always questions!

‘What lie should we throw the masses next?’ ‘Who can we blame?’ ‘How can we prevent a spring time revolt?’

Executive Meeting: The Kremlin

It was late Friday afternoon. The conference room was full. The security services sat side by side with the administration’s spin doctors. At the head of the large table, the president looked bored.

“A majority of the Federation’s population now have access to the internet,” said the minister of communications. He then pressed a button and began his PowerPoint presentation.

An image appeared on a wall mounted screen. The first slide showed a graphic illustrating the estimated computer use across the country. As would be expected, Moscow and St. Petersburg were big red dots.

Reading from his notes, the minister continued, “Due to advances in technology, more and more information generated outside the country is being seen by our citizens. Some of this material contradicts our preferred messaging and should be considered detrimental to the state’s interests. To combat the problem, we have increased the number of arrests for publishing material demanding political change and have infiltrated most of the websites attempting to unite the opposition. Unfortunately, it has become increasingly difficult to censor everything. New sites appear daily and social media is saturated with commentary critical of the administration’s policies. We’ve implemented harsher penalties for voicing any unfavorable opinions, however our methods have caused growing unrest, as well as international condemnation.

“Another matter of grave concern is the increase in graffiti, cartoons, and theatrical performances targeting senior leadership. Known as the ‘Satire Effect,’ these disrespectful acts of defiance indicate an erosion of the government’s authority. If the trend continues, we fear it could lead to further protests or even open revolt.

“The following examples illustrate our growing satire problem.”

The communications director clicked his remote a second time and a new image hit the screen. That’s when things began going terribly wrong.

Suddenly, all the men in the room were staring at a cartoon.

With just a few simple black lines, the caricature captured the essence of the man sitting at the head of the table with uncanny accuracy.

Seething, the president glared at the image with his lips pursed.

In the cartoon, the Russian dictator was wearing a tutu and ice skates. Behind him, there was an Olympic logo. The text bubble read: “That was fun, now let’s invade our neighbor.”

Unaware he had angered the president the director of communications clicked the remote again.

“The website publishing these cartoons is titled ‘Fun with Russia.’”

The next slide was another comic. In this sketch, the infamous dictator’s head was humorously elongated, shaped like a cucumber. There were tanks in the background and the text read: ‘First of all, Russia is not supplying soldiers and arms to the insurgents in eastern Ukraine. And, secondly, I’m not a lying Dick-Head.’

“These cartoons first appeared online shortly after our liberation of Crimea. Initially the blog received little attention, but since 2016, there has been at least one additional comic published per week and recently the popularity of the site has increased dramatically.

“Preventing our citizens from viewing this sort of unfavorable material is nearly impossible. To effectively censor every provocation, we would have to disconnect all links to the outside world. China is having a similar problem, but their access to the internet is more tightly controlled than ours. We have increased our monitoring programs, but satellite connections and proxy servers make it extremely difficult for us to enforce all restrictions.

“From our estimates, approximately six million Russian citizens have seen this illegal political satire and the number is growing. Additionally, search engine inquiries and ‘shares’ on social media suggests another one-hundred and twenty-seven-million people around the world have also visited this site. These offensive cartoons have gone viral.”

Glancing up, the minister noticed the president’s face had turned an unhealthy shade of red and his volcanic stare suggested the man was about to erupt.

Seeing the dictator’s furious expression, the communications specialist fell silent.

In the lull, everyone in the room began to squirm.

Abruptly the commander of the second largest nuclear arsenal in the world slapped the table, and shouted, “Svoloch!”

Realizing his mistake, the distressed minister quickly turned off the screen. The cartoon disappeared, but the damage had been done.

In a growl, the president demanded, “Let me see this ‘Fun with Russia’ website.”

The cabinet official hesitated, but then hit a few keys on his laptop and slid the device over to the enraged head of state.

As the little Judo expert scrolled through the site, his frown grew more profound and the veins on his temple began to throb.

The blog was a single long page, the only content cartoon panels.

Quickly scrolling down, the tyrant paused at an offensive sketch of himself in a passionate embrace with his American counterpart. The caption read: ‘Thank you, Darling!’

The country’s undisputed ruler for the last two decades was further infuriated by an entire collection of comics devoted to Russia’s meddling in America’s democratic process. There were so many illustrations, the president was forced to think, Perhaps, my psychological warfare campaign attacking the American elections was a mistake.

Following these uncomfortable images, the despot was confronted with panel after panel of political satire covering everything from Russia’s infamous Novichok nerve gas attacks in England, shooting down of flight ML 17 which killed nearly 300 innocent civilians, his vast hidden fortune, the assassination of a critic using a radioactive isotope in London, the assassination of his political rival in Red Square, the insurgency mess in Donbass, the Russian mercenary attack on US troops in Syria, and much, much more, all illustrating Russia’s abominable behavior on the world stage. The cartoons were biting and explicit, and a legacy any dictator would prefer to be forgotten.

As the primary focus of the ridicule, the president immediately understood the danger. Once they start laughing at you, they stop fearing you. Once they stop fearing you, they stop respecting your authority, and that leads to revolt. You’re then removed from power, taken into the woods and shot. The Bolsheviks had done the same thing to the Romanovs.

I have to put a stop to these cartoons before they lead to my demise, he thought.

“Who is behind these insults,” demanded the president?

Stammering, the minister said, “We don’t know, sir. The blog was created anonymously.”

The president shoved the laptop back at the minister and shouted, “THIS INSOLENCE WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!”

“Sir, they’re just a collection of silly car…”

The communication minister’s sentence was cut off by an angry scowl.

“THESE ARE NOT JUST CARTOONS, THEY ARE STONES BEING THROWN AT THE KREMLIN’S WALLS. THIS CAN NOT BE ALLOWED! THIS SATIRE HAS TO BE STOPPED!”

The outburst was followed by a brief silence as the little authoritarian verified that he had everyone’s undivided attention.

Those in attendance knew the egomaniacal autocrat was notoriously thin-skinned and couldn’t bare being the brunt of any joke. He also had a reputation for being brutally vindictive and never forgot a slight. His perceived enemies regularly met a bad end and his idea of a good prank was sending someone to a Siberian prison.

The president growled, “I want these disgusting cartoons removed from the internet immediately and I want the artist behind these slanderous comics dealt with!”

The diminutive dictator turned his beady eyes towards the Director of the GRU, Russia’s military intelligence, and gave a nearly imperceptible nod.

The orders had been given.

The ruthless spymaster smiled and nodded back, acknowledging the president’s order would be obeyed. The cartoonist would be found and silenced.

Then, waving his hand as if shooing a fly, the president said, “You are all dismissed.”

As the parade of suits scurried out the door, the ex-KGB-agent turned president thought, I hate it when they put me in a dress. But this satirical cartoonist has no idea how funny I can be.

Available on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1733797807