Masks

I don't like people. I don't like hanging out. I don't like being surrounded with one.

They are pretentious and evil. They could easily tossed you if they find you unworthy. They rather value pretty things and spit those ugly's.

I am tired of begging and proving my self worth. I am tired walking bare and naked. I am tired being transparent. So, I decided to put a mask, a facade, and hide the deepest part of myself.

I once had a closed friends. I once had a lover. I once had them. I once had loved them. But, things changed and so people are.

I remembered how I repeatedly asked the word, why? I was crying hard, I was tightly holding those hands. Those hands, desperately wanted to let go.

It was a mess, a chaos, a nightmare.

I tremblingly sighed and rubbed my temple. I hadn't yet have a nice sleep, a mouthful meal. And stress slowly creeping its way back inside my body.

It was messing my mind.

"You're stronger than this." I mumblingly cheered to myself. "Don't let your demons swallowed you again."

The rough sounds of typing on keyboard and clicking on mouse put me back on my pace. I lifted my head and set my eyes towards my boss sat across me.

My eye glasses were slowly slipping off my nose. The lenses were both covered with smudge fingerprints and sweat moist. But, I could still finely see the pissed looks on my boss's face-- angry thick brows, tired eyes and frowning lips.

The application were continuously bug splatting. We need to finish the scheme plans and the visual drawing design or we couldn't make it in time.

The client wanted to see and discuss the project design later this day. And we haven't yet printed any of it. We only had finished the two out of two projects in a row of weeks. And the added project deal put us to edge.

I missed my bed, my social media life, my books and comics-- my escape route.

"I finished lay-outing the plans." I announced, waiting some sort of approval.

"Then, print it." He annoyingly said, eyes still fixed on what he was doing. "And put mines next, the rendering picture almost done."

I did what was told. Halfway, I felt a furry purrs continuously brushed my legs then it softly meowed. I bowed and find under the desk my boss's cat.

Its was snaked in one of my legs, its thick furry tail curled around. Then, it innocently stared me wide eye. I was tempted to cage it in a tight embrace. But, the cat maybe realized I wasn't his master's and ran away.

Then, I heard a cooing. It was my boss's. The first time I have heard of it, it was weird and quite funny thinking how a stoney person could melt over a cat. Well, I'll melt too if it was me.

"Rolled the papers, outfaced the printed part. Print the contract and tucked it in a neat folder. I put the visual perspective designs on the iPod."

I flinched when I knew it was directed towards me. No matter how I was used to his usual stares and tone of voice, it was still scary.

"Be ready in an hour." He added and emphasized.

Its kind of cold, dominant and strict. He will frankly tell you his dislikes and pinpoint your errors and faults. It was amusing, somehow. What to expect to a calculated man?

My stomach cut my thoughts and growled again, it was begging some real food. It was almost nightfall and I haven't yet eat.

I only ordered a coffee since the cheapest food costs half of my weekly budget. I couldn't be careless and spend a lot. How I hoped, the client picked a cheaper shop.

My eyes were rebelling too, despite the caffeine, it was getting more heavy and droopy. I even missed some of the commentaries discussed in the meeting. I was glad that my bangs and thick framed glasses hid my issues.

"You're sure a fan of large clothes."

My boss randomly said when we were on our way back his car. He eyed me from head to toe. I began to feel embarrassed and conscious but, I need to act calm and composed. One mistake will triggered my panic attacks.

I dislike the idea of someone trying to figure myself. I am afraid they'll see through the real me.

"You should wear clothes on your size." He added.

I was quite chubby back then. I remembered having three layers of fats on my belly. It was really ugly. So, I bought clothes that'll hide my flaws.

It drastically changed later that year. The stress and insecurities, the lacked of food and sleep, it was unhealthy-- I left only with scars and bones.

"The client thought I was baby sitting and forcing my little sister to work for me."

I wanted to take that as a joke but, his stern face put me otherwise. I flashed my usual smile, a guarded look I always put up.

"I'll keep that in mind."