“Here we have”- the reporter cut herself off, whispered to the interviewee, then faced the camera, and continued, “Camila Garcia, president of Women’s Integrated Force local chapter, and creator of this... Flower... Vagina... Statue.”
The cameraman panned to Camila, a plain looking girl, with hair bound in a bun so tight she must have been afraid it would run away, standing next to a maroon-glazed statue. A small group of women, most of them with more colors on their hair and faces than one would find in a crayon bucket, stood behind the statue. Camila looked at the camera, said the word “we”, then faded to a imperceptible whimper over the course of a few words.
“Say that again, please,” the reporter said, pushing the microphone closer to Camila.
The woman directly behind Camila, Tanya, whose appearance was toned down compared to the other women, jumped in front of the camera and shoved her face near the microphone. “This statue represents the power of womanhood. It’s going right in the middle of campus so that everyone knows what we stand for.”
She threw her fist in the air and shouted, “We’re here! The pussy you fear! Get used to it! Flowers unite!”
A guttural chant of “flowers unite” erupted from the pond of feminists. Camila pursed her lips and looked to the ground. She saw, too late, in the corner of her eye, an object flying toward the statue.
The statue toppled over and shattered into hundreds of pieces. Camila picked up a football that bounced next to the ruined statue, gripped into it as much as her tiny hands allowed, then looked furiously at the camera as her comrades hurriedly picked up the statue pieces.
A shirtless stallion of a man with a handsome, yet forgettable, face jogged up to Camila. “Thanks, babe,” he said, grabbing the football.
“Oh my god, step over here please,” the reporter said, ushering the man away from the feminists. “Keep the camera rolling.”
The reporter straightened the microphone cord and fixed her hair. “What a surprise! The gorgeous Chad Chadson has just arrived. Chad, would you mind doing a quick interview with us?”
“Sure, make sure to get my good angle.”
“They’re all good,” the reporter giggled, eyeing Chad up and down. “So, we know you were at Area 51 over the weekend. We heard that no phones or recording equipment worked in the area. Can you tell us what happened there?”
“You know me and the boys were there. There was a ton of people from all over the country. We were lined up to charge in. A few people ran in too early and the army started dropping teargas on us. I thought I saw a few dudes get past the fence, but I don’t know. Most of us dipped before they decided to light us up.”
“Wow, you’re so brave for even going.”
“You know how it is. But, uh, this was cool, but I’ve got to get back to the game.”
“Of course. Thanks for talking with us. I’m Melanie Teller with AZone Campus News, and I’m checking out.”
Chad jogged to the lawn, hopping over the women picking up the remaining statue pieces, to where his clone-like friends waited. The news crew packed up their equipment, and as they left, Melanie looked down at Camila with disgust.
“Good for you that the school gave you a place to put your art,” she sneered. “But, maybe try creating something that doesn’t make the rest of us vomit.” She raised her eyebrows, lightly shook her head, then walked away.
“I’d punch her so hard she’d really vomit,” Tanya said.
“Some people just aren’t woke,” Camila said.
A young, thin man with a pointed chin and bulging temples kneeled next to the girls, and without saying a word, he picked up pieces of the statue. As he dropped the last shard of clay into a bag, he said, with an indiscernible Eastern European accent, “Indeed. There are yet many who sleep.”
“Thanks I guess,” Camila said, closing the bag full of rubble.
“My pleasure,” the man said, holding out his hand. “I am Ivan. Who do I have the pleasure of meeting?”
Camila shook his hand. “Nice to meet you Ivan. My name is Camila. This is my friend Tanya.”
“Ah, a beautiful name for a beautiful lady. If it wouldn’t be too much, I would like ask you to accompany me to a party this evening.”
“I’m going to have to say no. Sorry.”
“I promise you will love it. My friends think I am out of this world.”
“Thanks for the offer, but no.”
“Not a problem,” Ivan said as he gently placed his hand on Camila’s arm. “It was nice to meet you both. Have a nice day.”
Tanya turned Camila around as Ivan walked off. “Why did you say no to him?”
“He just shows up out of nowhere, and decides to ask me out. Seemed a bit stalkerish.”
“He is sexy though. I would let him do whatever he wants with me.”
Camila’s mouth opened, then she quickly looked around to see if anyone was within earshot. ”You are the vice president of a feminist club. You can’t say things like that.”
“You know I’m all about equal rights and equal pay. But, if a man wants to come pluck my petals I’m not gonna’ say no.”
“What if it was that Chad Chadson guy?” Camila asked, staring at Chad who was in the middle of a football game. “Would you let him... Pluck your petals?”
“First, I’d make him feel bad for breaking your statue. Then, while he’s doing his thing, I’d remind him over and over that he’s a bad boy.”
“You disgust me sometimes.”
“I’m gonna’ find out what party that man is going to tonight and disgust myself. You wanna’ go just for the party?”
“It’s a school night. I’m going to study for my test on Friday.”
ↈ ↈ ↈ
Camila studied as she said she would, and then slept well that night. She dreamt of a moment from when she was a little girl. A dream she had not dreamed in a long time. She and her father were in a field. He swung her around, and they laughed. He set her down when they came to a bush, and he told her something, but she had not heard his voice for so long that she could not remember what he said.
ↈ ↈ ↈ
The morning sun kissed Camila awake. She rose from her bed, took a deep, sultry breath, ran her fingers through her hair, then vigorously shook her head to let her hair bounce back and forth. She excitedly hopped to the dorm room door which had a long mirror hanging on it. She fixed her breasts into place, licked her lips, and blew an air kiss to her reflection.
Her hands dropped dead at her sides, and her smile followed them. She examined both pupils closely and checked her head for any abnormal marks.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” she asked herself, tying her hair into a tight bun.
There was a sudden knock at the door, and she jumped back. “Who is it?” she called out.
“University called about a bathroom leak. I’m here to work on your pipes,” a deep voice answered.
“You must be looking for the bathroom down the hall.”
“University called for the bathroom in 3B. This is 3B, no?”
“I’m telling you we don’t have bathrooms in the”-
A door to her left was slightly cracked. She pulled the door open all the way, and looked in with disbelief. Inside was a bathroom as large as the dorm itself, fitted with a toilet, a sink, and an upright shower. The bathroom looked more expensive than the entire dorm building.
“Okay, what kind of prank is this?” she asked, opening the dorm door.
A burly man, wearing only pants with suspenders, and holding a plunger in one hand, stood outside the doorway. He grinned and nodded his head when the door opened, pushed Camila into the bathroom with the plunger, then got on his knees.
“Let’s take a look at the plumbing,” he said, reaching for the bottom of her fluffy pajama dress.
She slapped him in the face and kicked his groin. He grabbed himself and keeled onto the ground in the fetal position. “What is wrong with you!” Camila screamed, then jumped over him and ran out the dorm.
A group of girls, wearing identical pink, fluffy pajama dresses, squealed when Camila stumbled into the hall. The leader of the pack skipped to Camila, beamed, then looked at the other girls and threw her arms up. The other girls threw their arms up and shrieked.
“We’ve found ourselves a new sister!” the leader hollered.
“No, no you have not,” Camila told them.
The girls lowered the tops of their shirts and ran down the halls making a loud “Woo!” sound.
Camilla left the dorm and ran to the edge of campus, ignoring the harassing remarks from what felt like every person she passed, both male and female. She reached the large sign at the University entrance and read, “Welcome to Porn University.”
“What kind of messed up joke is this?” she asked a nearby security guard, while pointing at the sign.
“I don’t see the joke miss.”
“Right. And let me guess, we’re in Porn Town.”
“This is Porn City, miss,” the guard said, licking his lips and shaking handcuffs. “Do you need to spend a night downtown?”
Camila walked through the city, visiting each shop and talking to anyone with hopes of finding one sane person. There was not one child to be found, and everyone from the mailman owner to the butcher (especially the butcher) only wanted to see her naked. The worst was when she went to buy a new set of clothes. The clerk was adamant about being in the dressing room with her. Eventually, she found an empty park and sat at a bench, defeated.
She heard someone walk up to her, but did not bother to look. “Want to get busy?” he asked.
“Oh yeah!” she exclaimed sarcastically. “Let’s get ten other people and just go at it.”
“Cool, there’s an orgy happening downtown we can join!”
“I’m not going anywhere with you pig. Leave me alone!”
The man stepped to the other side of the bench. “Statue girl?”
Camila looked up. “You’re the guy that broke my statue.”
“That’s me. I can’t believe there’s another real person here!”
“I can’t believe the one normal person I find is you. What is going on?”
Chad sat down and placed his arm around her shoulder. “It’s amazing, isn’t it? We are at the greatest place ever.”
She pushed his arm away. “We need to get out of here. Now.”
“No can do. You go to one side and end up on the other side. The city is a sphere.”
Camila stood up, and started to walk away. “I’ll find a way out.”
Chad chased after her. “You just haven’t seen the best thing about this place,” he said, leading her to the street.
They walked to a large truck sitting in a parking spot. Chad smacked the hood of the truck, then placed his hands under the bumper. “Check this out,” he said, and lifted the front of the truck with ease.
He let go and nodded to the truck. She blinked expressionlessly. “You try it,” he said, leading her hands to the bumper.
She pulled on the bumper and nothing happened.
“You’ll get it eventually,” he said. “When I first came here I was surprised by some sorority hotties and fell out of a window. It didn’t hurt at all. You just need your push moment.”
“I need to get out of here,” she said, walking toward the university. “I’m going to my dorm to start brainstorming.”
“No STD’s or pregnancies here. Want to do it sometime?”
“Not a chance. But, you are the closest thing to a human I’m going to find in this place, so I will unfortunately be seeing you later.”
She went to her dorm, and unable to think her way out of the strange world, she fell asleep. Again she dreamed of her father in the field. She saw him speak, she knew he wanted to tell her something, but still she could not hear.
She spent the next morning exploring the city in depth. She was more used to the constant heckling, and found it easier to swerve the hordes of horny men and women. First, she stopped at the bakery, and almost turned away when she saw the baker wearing nothing except for an apron, but she decided that was simply what she must deal with for the time being. Then she visited the grocery store, a music shop, and a clothes shop. I might as well enjoy myself while I’m here, she thought, seeing as though everything is free.
Her favorite place to visit was the bookstore. Every book was at first glance bare, but when she would grab a book, it would magically turn into whatever book she wished to read. Also, out of all the characters she had met, the bookshop owner was the least pestering. This was due, mainly, to his inclination for books which he enjoyed covertly behind his desk.
In the evening, she met with Chad at a restaurant. They dined and chatted about their lives before entering Porn City. He was more open about his past than she was with her past. He was from a wealthy family that paid for his schooling, housing, cars, etc. All he needed to do to inherit his father’s business was complete a business degree. He was active in a fraternity and partied every night. After revealing all of that, Chad found out that Camila liked to read and make art.
At the end of dinner he asked, “So, when are we going to do it?”
“Never,” she replied, and left for her dorm while he went off to fulfil his Asian fantasy.
So it was for weeks. She would read, trying to find something to help them leave. He tried to show her the secrets of their new world, and then take her out to eat. Each night he asked the same question, and she gave the same answer, “never.” She would go back to her dorm, and he would go live out some new fantasy. And each night she would see her father speak to her, yet not hear a thing.
One day Camila found a clearing deep in a forest she had walked past every day on her way to the bookshop. The clearing reminded her of the field she visited in her dreams. The trees were organized like they were in the dream, and there was a single rosebush on one side of the clearing just like the one her father would set her near. There was something about this world. It was so close to the real world in many ways. Like an imperfect copy of a memory. She knew there was an obvious clue waiting for her, but she could not grasp onto it. Then in the distance, while awake, she saw her father walk toward her.
“Hola, Papi,” she said excitedly, like a little girl.
“So today’s the day then,” he said.
“The day for what?”
“Calling me Papi. You must’ve finally fallen for me.”
Her father was no longer there. Instead, Chad stood there with a grin on his face. She shook her head. “Not today. Not ever.”
For the first time she saw the hurt in his eyes. “Meet me at the park tomorrow,” he said.
“Which park?”
“The park where we first met.”
Camila went to the park early the next morning, and found the bench where they first met. Chad arrived a few minutes later towing something on a cart with a large cloth over it. He pulled the object in front of Camila, and said, “Close your eyes.”
She did as he commanded, and said, “I don’t like surprises at all, but I’m trusting you here.”
“I’ve felt bad about your statue this entire time. I wanted to make it up to you.”
He pulled the cloth down. “I made another statue. Take a look.”
She pulled her hands away from her face. Her eyes widened, and her mouth dropped. “That’s- that’s not a vagina statue.”
It was a statue of a penis with a ring of petals around it. It was chalk white colored and crudely detailed. “I started to make your statue, but this seemed way funnier.”
Camila laughed hysterically. “Yes, this is incredibly funny.”
“I think this is the first time I’ve seen you laugh since you’ve been here.”
“So what, you’re going to ask if we can hook up now?”
Chad shook his head and held out his hand. “Nah, I’ve got something better planned.”
Camila cautiously took his hand. They walked, statue towed behind them, toward the nearest street. He pushed the cart off to the side, led her toward a large truck, and placed her hands on the bumper. “You can do it,” he said. “I know you can.”
Camila stared intently at the truck. She felt all of her thoughts flow into her hands. A warmth filled inside of her, a feeling she once knew intimately. She lifted up her hands and the truck went up as well. She held it in the air for a brief moment, then dropped it.
She smiled and jumped at Chad. They toppled onto the ground. She gazed into his eyes. Took in the scent of his cologne. Felt the landscape of his torso, and leaned in.
“Hypothetically,” he said, “what would you do to me if we were to hook up.”
She puckered her lips. “First, I would make you feel bad for breaking my statue. Then, while you do your thing, I’d keep reminding you that you’re a bad boy. Hypothetically, of course.”
“Camila, will you go on a date with me?”
“I like spending time with you.”
“But?”
Her eyes frowned. “But, we still don’t belong here. At least, I don’t. And you’re still a pig for meeting girls every night.”
“You’re completely right.”
Camila went back to her dorm room with the penis statue, and cried. Flashes of the field filled her mind, and she heard a murmur when she saw her father speaking. She saw him spin him again, then imagined him setting her in front of the bush.
“I want you to remember something mija,” he said.
“Yes, papi?”
“You are going to hear it someday, so I want you to know now. Don’t let the world tell you you’re not smart. Don’t let the world tell you you’re worth nothing. Don’t let the world tell you that you aren’t beautiful. And most importantly, never let yourself be the one to say those things to yourself, mija.”
The field of grass turned to dirt. The bush turned into a tall fence. Then, her father was gone. She was in her room again. She looked at the statue, smiled, then pulled the tie from her bun, and let her hair fall down freely. She opened the door with the intention of finding Chad to tell him she wanted that date. As if he could read her mind, he was already on the other side of the door.
“I was just going to come find you,” she said. “I want to talk.”
“Can I say something first?” he asked.
“Sure,” she said and they sat on the edge of the bed.
“You were right,” he said. “You don’t belong here, but I do,”
“I didn’t mean that.”
“You need to know the truth. You’re here because of me. Some Euro chick offered me as much money as I could ever want. All I had to do was come here and convince a person of her choosing to love me. I thought it would be easy because who wouldn’t love me.”
He stood up, nervously shook his hands, and paced around. Then he continued, “But, I was wrong and I’m sorry. We were going to be trapped here forever because of me. Only one of us needs to suffer. It’s a good thing they made it a rule that I can’t tell you all of this without losing my life and freeing you.”
“But Chad. You just told me and you’re still around... Chad?”
He had stopped walking around. She waved her hand in front of his face. He didn’t blink, just stared ahead with an empty look to his face. “Chad, this isn’t funny,” Camila cried. “Stop playing.”
Without blinking, Chad turned to her and said, “Woah spicy seniorita, what’s the problemo?”
“Chad, please stop this,” she sobbed.
Chad stopped moving again. A man suddenly appeared beside her on the bed, and in an indiscernible Eastern European voice, said, “Sorry, Camila. Chad is part of this world forever.”
Camila wiped the tears from her eyes. “You’re the guy from the quad. The one who asked me to the party.”
“Yes,” he replied, “I am Ivan if you care to remember.”
“I don’t care. Bring Chad back.”
“I cannot do that. He is gone like he said, and his character will forever be part of this world. You, however, may leave.”
Ivan snapped his fingers and a rift of white light appeared at the edge of the room. The rift lifted Camila off of the bed and started pulling her in. She tried to resist the pull, tried holding onto something in the room, but the force was too strong. As the rift closed around her she felt a warm feeling in her stomach, the feeling she felt when she lifted the truck, the feeling she had tried to ignore after she saw her father for the last time, and she reached out to Chad’s lifeless visage with one last powerful cry.
She woke up in a hurry in her own dorm, the one without the fancy bathroom, a strange European man, or Chad, and she believed it was all some strange dream. The dorm door burst open a moment later, and her friend Tanya ran into the room.
“You’re really back!” Tanya cried out.
“What do you mean?” Camila asked, trying to get answers without revealing too much herself.
“You and a bunch of other students disappeared a week ago. I came straight here when I heard that the others came back.”
“Tanya, I love you, and I can’t explain right now, but I have to go.”
She remembered the name of Chad’s fraternity, so she headed there. She ran across the dark campus, using the moonlight as her guide, letting the cool air sweep her hair back in a mess. She hurried into the house without knocking. There were two men standing just inside.
“Where is Chad?” she asked them.
“Which Chad?” one of them asked. “I’m Chad. Then there’s like six more of us.”
“The one who was missing. Where is he?”
“Ah, that dude. I haven’t seen him at all. His room is the first one to the right upstairs.”
She bounded up the steps, and jumped into Chad’s room. She saw a poster with his name on it on one side of the room. She fell onto the bed and started to cry uncontrollably.
“Can I help you?” a voice asked.
Camila looked up and wiped her tears. A man was on the other bed, covered by a blanket that propped up near his waist, and he had a laptop sitting in front of him. “I, uh, just missed Chad and wanted to say goodbye,” Camila whimpered.
“Chad is in the quad where the other missing students were going to meet up.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Now get out of here.”
Camila ran across campus again all the way to the quad. There were students gathered around a small stage which had a banner across the top that read: “Welcome Back!” She walked through the group unable to find the one she sought. Then, she noticed him about a hundred feet away from the group, at the place where her statue broke. She sprinted to him and they embraced.
“I don’t understand,” she cried. “How are you back?”
“I’m not sure. I don’t really care. What’s important is this right now.”
“You represent everything in this world I should hate. But, I love you more than anything else. I promise I will try to not judge you or talk down to you when you say something stupid.”
“And I would like to promise I will never say anything degrading about women or watch porn ever again. But, let’s be realistic.”
“Chad Chadson, will you go out on a date with me?”
Chad grabbed Camila and gently swayed. The moonlight looked like it was shining down just for them as they danced in a circle of light. They stared into each other’s eyes. He ran his fingers through her hair. She rubbed his face. Then, they kissed.
Melanie and the campus news crew were standing near the couple. The cameraman focused his shot on Melanie with Chad and Camila off to the side. Melanie fixed her hair and looked into the camera.
“One hundred eleven students disappeared last week, and magically appeared today,” she reported, then looked over to the dancing couple. “But that there has to be the weirdest thing I’ve seen all week. I’m Melanie Teller with AZone Campus News, and I’m checking out.”
* * *
Ivan was on the other side of the quad with a woman that looked similar to him. They watched the group of returned students leaving the “Welcome Back!” stage. He crossed his arms and grunted. “Fifty-five pairs and only one pair passed the test.”
“It is a start. There are other candidates, other tests.”
“I hope you are right. If you are wrong, then we are doomed.”
A rift of white light opened behind them. They stepped into the light and disappeared.
