Dear Ex, I Still Love You!

“Dear Ex, I Still Love You!”

By: SecondhandBoyfriend

Dear Ex,

How can I easily move on if all that I could see every time I close my eyes is still our past?

How will I ever forget someone like you?

Definitely, you’re the one who swept me off my feet. This is silly, but, I really feel like an ice cream slowly melting down under the sunlight the first time you approached me and asked for my name. Yeah, and I told myself that it was the most memorable Tuesday I ever had in my entire life.

I was turned speechless by your query. My world had suddenly stopped spinning for a while.

I said “Love Yu”, and you laughed boisterously. I asked you back on why did you laugh, and you answered me this way, “I’m asking for your name not if you love me...“. Then, I was the one who laughed out loud this time. “Yeah, and I answered your question. James Love E. Yu is my full name. It’s a combination of my father and mother’s name. They used to call me “Love” which I already had adopted to be called that way since I have no choice at all.” And you laughed more again. “Your nickname is a girly type and anyone who hears it could really say that its a name of a girl, not of a guy. Can I just call you Jam-Jam if you won’t mind?” and you smiled.

Everything had started there!

I never thought that our group work was my key to your heart.

We exchanged cellphone numbers...

Until one day I dared to confess to you that I love you so much. I could still imagine your reaction at that time. You were so happy, and I never expected that. And you kissed me... and hugged me. That warm embrace still lingers on my skin. And that precious kiss in your lips remains tickling my heart.

I really feel like in heaven by your side!

It was the most romantic place we’ve had for each other on our first date. I even serenaded you with a sweet song using my old guitar which you appreciated so much. I know that my out of tune tone was quite shameful to showcase, but you still love to listen to me. You told me how much you love me more when I did that. That was so amazing and gave me an unexplained feeling.

You keep telling me the sweetest words now I long to hear. I really feel so happy every time we talk at each other on the phone. It seems that we’re not just apart and no barrier between us at all. We even turn the night into day. And it is as if “forever” had tied us up.

I had leaned on that presumption that it will really be the seeming fairy tale love story I dreamed of since I was a child. I will wait for you in the altar as I watched you walking on the aisle with the most glamorous wedding gown. We will stand face to face while holding each other’s hands, and I will tell myself that “Yes! This is it! The happily ever after I waited for!”

We will say “I do” at each other. I will excitedly lift up the veil covering your beautiful face. You will smile at me...the kind of smile that always makes my heart raced. The priest will say “You may kiss the bride!”. And I will smile at you, showing off the best smile I that I could. I will slowly come closer to your face, and...

But everything suddenly broke into million pieces that to fix it up would be so impossible!

I admit you’re the first one who taught me how to truly love and be loved. You were different among anybody else I met. I started building castles in the air and began dreaming with you. We even told ourselves that we would beat the odds just to win back each other when a storm came in us.

But those things will remain to be as a figment of broken promises!

I cannot imagine myself leaving without you now. I still am stuck up in this corner, hoping that one day you come and fetch me up here. I still do love you!

I know that I’ve not been the perfect man for you in those long two years of our relationship. But at least, you made me felt so important that I thought myself to be the best man and luckiest guy ever.

But fate played a trick on us!

“How can I move on?” It’s the question that I try to avoid asking myself because I can’t find the answer and the strength of how to answer it. It would just make me crazy thinking about it every now and then.

Where did I go wrong? What mistakes did I make once and for all?

I can’t find any reasons now to laugh, to move on, and live!

The effect of these twenty bottles of beer that slowly sipping into my system isn’t enough to temporarily erase your memory in my mind. It didn’t help. The beer just washed your silhouette in my head, but in my heart, you were still there and continually punishing me with the pain I can’t almost bear.

I did not cry because I’ve been defeated and left bruised in a street fight. But these tears symbolize the overflowing love I’ve shown to you when we’re still together. But you did not give it some importance, nor even take any single glimpse when you left. You left me so much torn!

Can I hear again your happy voice while shouting that you love me so much? Will you tell me that of that period of our relationship there was any day, hour, minute, or second that I’ve been the most important person in your life?

Will you say my name again?

Say it please just like the first time you utter my name that had made my whole world turns upside down. If you only know, it keeps flashing in my mind, so swiftly, but your smile... the kind of smile that made me feel like melting keeps haunting me all day and all night!

We both rode life’s roller coaster. We laughed together in excitement. We both screamed the scream we hadn’t yet done in our entire life when the ride goes up. But when it finally cast down to its downside. I was left hanging at the top blinded with so much pain.

Honestly, I can’t still move on. It’s the hardest part of all. It is because everything was just seemed to be yesterday!

From the broken,

James Love E. Yu