Tales From New Jump City

Emi leaned against a pillar in the subway while she waited for the train. A decent afternoon crowd had appeared, many looked at their phones while others had formed a small crowd around some capoeiristas that were kicking and flipping at one another, jumping out to tag in another capoeirista that was playing a drum or berimbau. Emi yawned before pulling her phone from her jacket pocket to see she had several missed messages from Darrick, the head of the school paper. She put the phone back in her pocket without reading it. Emi hadn’t turned in an impressive article for some time now. But she didn’t want to think about such things at this moment, for now she just wanted to get home and have a snack. The tracks began to vibrate as the subway train made its way to the crowded station. The train stopped and everyone started filing into the subway cars. Emi stood at the end of the train car holding onto a pole near a few other people.

“STAND CLEAR OF THE CLOSING DOORS PLEASE”.

Emi pulled out her phone to occupy herself for the rest of the trip. The doors started to close up when the same reassuring voice sounded up again.

“STAND CLEAR OF THE CLOSING DOORS PLEA-. STAND-STAND.”

Emi glimpsed at the train door to see what the problem was and saw a metal bat was holding the door open. Two mohawked goons, one with sunglasses, the other without, held open the doors for the leader of the trio, a tall, garish, pompadoured, bat-wielding leader. All three wore a sickeningly bright orange jacket with a viper brandishing its fangs. Once they were inside and the train began to move, the leader of the group stepped forward and began pointing his metal bat in people’s faces.

“Listen here you bags of meat, this train and any valuables that happen to be inside are now property of the Orange Viper Gang. Anybody got a problem with that!?!” With the veins in his neck bulging, he took the bat and slammed it into a nearby railing right above someone’s head, leaving a visibly exaggerated dent. The echo from the blow mustered a gasp from the crowd and everyone shrunk in the gang’s wake.

“Anyone gives us any trouble and I’ll put more than a dent in ya head, now start emptying those pockabooks.” As the gang started shaking people up Emi looked back at the message that Darrick sent her. Be careful! Orange viper gang spotted near your commute! You also still haven-. Emi looked away from her phone.

“Shit. This is just what I needed today.” An oafish hand grasped her phone. She looked up and saw the beady red eyes of one of the mohawked goons.

“I’ll be takin’ that?” Emi’s nose wrinkled at the smell of his putrid breath. She pulled her hand away from him along with her phone.

“When’s the last time you been to the dentist mouth breather?” Emi said as she plugged her nose.

“What the hell did you say?” He started grinding his yellow teeth against one another.

“I’m just surprised that you still have any teeth left in that head of yours. It smells like something is still dying in there”. The pompadour leader turned to the noise.

“What’s going on over there? That bitch giving you trouble?” He walked over to Emi and put the baseball bat in her face. “Why do you feel like antagonizing my boys miss?” Emi looked down at the bat, the pompadour, back at the leader and then opened her mouth.

“You really think this gonna do anything to help your wannabe ass gang Hector? Your little band of misfit toys have been going down in relevance for quite some time now. It also doesn’t help that y’alls fashion sense is almost as whack as your goofy ass hai-.″

CLANG. Her words were cut off by the sound of the bat putting a dent in the bar that Emi was holding onto, right next to her head. Hector was red in the face with his nostrils flaring. “You just love runnin that trap of yours don’t ya girly. That’s gonna land you in some heat one of these days. Your intel is a bit off though. The Orange Viper Gang is coming back in a big way. And my hair...” Hector raised his bat above his head. “Is fresh to death!” He started to make a swing towards Emi’s head and stopped a few centimeters from the top of her skull. The motion interrupted by the sound of a large sneeze. They all turned their heads towards the sound of the disturbance. The goon with sunglasses was in the face of a teary-eyed young man covering his nose with one hand and the other hand on a wrapped up object about the length of a sword that was in the seat next to him.

“You just sneezed all over me!” The goon said while wiping his face and glasses.

“What no way, I definitely covered my mouth,″ the stranger responded. The goon became red when hearing this.

“Look at me! You clearly sneezed all over me! Even my glasses are dirty!!!″ The goon had gotten even closer to the young man, bearing his sharp yellow teeth. The young man just turned away from the goon to address everyone on the train and just pointed his thumb at the goon while smirking.

“Wow. He’s so mad right now.”

“You son of a bitch!” The goon balled his hand into a fist and made a brutish swing at the young man’s head. Just as the goon’s hand was moving through the air, the young man sneezed again into the goon’s face while simultaneously ducking out of the way of the punch. His hand crunched against the metal wall of the subway car. He stumbled back clutching his bruised and bloody hand. The young man looked up as if unaware of anything that had happened, wiping his eyes and nose.

“Sorry about that. I think something in that rotten breath of yours is triggering an allergy.” He opened his eyes and saw the goon’s crumpled bloody hand and pointed at it. “Hey not to alarm you or anything, but I think ya hand is fucked.”

“Y-you piece of shit. Gimme that!” The goon reached for the cloth-wrapped object, but as soon as his finger touched it, his legs gave out from under him. The next thing the goon felt was a fist drilling into the side of his head, causing the goon to blackout before his body landed with a THUD onto the ground. Standing over the body of the most definitely concussed goon, fist pointing down at the ground, the other still clutching the cloth wrapped object, was the young man. He directed his gaze towards the two remaining gang members.

“You really should ask permission before touching other people’s stuff like that. Ya never know what’s going to happen.” The whimsical aura around this sneezing stranger vanished completely, leaving only a menacing presence in the room.

The remaining goon started backing up before Hector’s hand firmly grasped his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks. As Hector did this he started laughing.

“That’s quite some strength ya got there stranger! Just who the hell are you?!“Hector asked.

“The name is Ronaldo, spelled with the kanji for lotus and apricot.” Everyone was taken aback by this idiotic revelation. Emi’s face turned from hope to dumbfoundedness. Hector wrinkled his eyes in confusion.

“I don’t know what the hell kanji are but I know two things for sure. One. Your name is definitely European in origin and two, you’re strong. Why don’t you make a home with us, The Orange Viper Gang. You’d be able to take whatever ya wanted with brute force and fear.” Ronaldo paused for a moment before speaking.

“Uhhh nah. I’m good, thanks though. I kinda like my hair how it is.” Hector’s face turned red.

“Have it your way. Rush him!” Hector’s goon started running towards Ronaldo in a peekaboo boxer stance, before getting in close unleashing a series of fast punches. Ronaldo’s head movement allowed him to slip and evade the punches by mere inches. When the goon paused briefly to breathe, Ronaldo let out a sharp exhale while simultaneously twisting his body, allowing that momentum to carry a gargantuan roundhouse kick to the side of the goon’s face, knocking him out cold. As his body was falling a metallic flash caught the corner of Ronaldo’s eye. Hector’s Babe Ruth swing went unnoticed with the goon blocking Ronaldo’s vision. Ronaldo managed to raise his cloth-wrapped object at the last second, blocking the blow while also sending reverberations through his whole arm and body. The blow sent Ronaldo flying across the subway car, his back hitting the wall, and then causing him to crumple up onto the floor. “Oh sorry about that”, Hector taunted. “I didn’t hit you too hard did I?″ Ronaldo started coughing as he began to stand back up. After regaining his breath he spat some blood onto the floor, looked at Hector and began to speak.

“Good blow. If your form was a little better that could’ve broken my arm.” After hearing this Hector sighed.

“That tough guy bullshit isn’t gonna work here, I know you’re hurtin. Why don’t you quit while you’re ahead.” Ronaldo chuckled at this.

“Oh I got plenty of fight left in me.” He raised the object up towards Hector. “Let me show you.” The cloth had been damaged from the blow and it started to unravel and fall to the floor. Everyone in the subway car had a look of confusion on their faces. Emi looked defeated, putting her head in her hands.

“You can’t be serious,″ she muttered to herself. Hector started laughing.

“You’re seriously gonna fight me with that? HAHAHAHA.” As he laughed he pointed at the traditional Japanese light pink and blue floral patterned umbrella that was in Ronaldo’s hand. Even with the laughing, Ronaldo did not lose his composure. Instead, he gripped the umbrella with both hands as if it were a katana, with his right foot facing forward and his shoulders relaxed, he readied himself. The sight of this caused Hector to laugh even harder. “Hahahahaha. You’re really seriously gonna go through with this?” Hector wiped a laughter tear from his eye and composed himself a bit. “Aight then. Your funeral.″

Hector gripped his bat and rushed towards Ronaldo, swinging his bat downwards towards Ronaldo’s head. Ronaldo took a breath before saying, “Koumorigasa technique, form 1.” He then parried the blow from the bat before stepping to the side to slash upwards at Hector. All happiness in Hector’s face had disappeared.

“No way. There’s.... no way.” As he said this, the well-maintained pompadour that was the source of his manly pride had started falling apart. The hairs had been sliced and started spilling onto the floor. Hector’s eyes rolled into the back of his head and he sank to the floor, a small amount of foam started coming out of his mouth. Ronaldo looked down at this pitiful sight and began to sigh.

“That’s weird. I definitely made contact with just his hair on that strike. Oh well.” A few sparse claps, that quickly died out, were heard among the crowd as most people returned to their phones or books, occupying themselves as to not deal with any more social interaction on the subway.

Emi began to gather herself from the events that had just taken place and pulled out her phone to take some pictures of the thugs lying unconscious on the ground. She raised her phone to take a picture of Ronaldo, but at that moment the subway stopped and everyone began piling off, blocking her shot. “Damn,″ Emi exclaimed to herself, as she put her phone back in her pocket and made her way off of the train.

As she made her way back home, walking past familiar storefronts and apartment buildings, it began to rain. “Shit. Just what I needed.” As Emi prepped herself to start running, the rain had suddenly stopped hitting her. She looked up and saw the familiar pink and blue umbrella, with its meticulously hand-painted floral patterns. Then she looked at the familiar stranger she had seen only moments ago. He stared off in the distance with a stoic gaze, before snapping back to the present and looking down at Emi. He smiled and greeted her warmly.

“Oh hey! Aren’t you that girl that was on the subway earlier. When did ya get there? I guess with the rain going it’s understandable why you’d come under my umbrella.” Emi gave him a puzzled look.

“Huh? You’re the one that walked next to me.” Ronaldo paused for a moment.

“Man, the weather is bad today, isn’t it?” Emi was dumbfounded by this poor attempt to change the subject.

“Uh sure. Is it ok if I ask you something?″

“Sure.” They both started walking.

“What did you say before you attacked? Ko-mah-something?” Emi tried her best to recall the word.

“Koumorigasa?”

“Yeah! That’s the one. What does that mean?” Emi asked enthusiastically.

“It means umbrella,” Ronaldo answered.

“Oh.” She seemed disappointed. “I should’ve known. Why did you use an umbrella of all things?”

“That’s what I was trained to use by my teacher.” Emi looked at him in disbelief.

“There are people that teach you how to fight with umbrellas? That’s ridiculous! That’s-” Ronaldo turned away and Emi realized she might have overstepped a little, and making a source uncomfortable makes getting a story much more difficult.

“I’m sorry about that. Today’s just been crazy so this is a lot to wrap my head around, not that that excuses anything. You did kinda save me from my head goin’ splat back there too. I-I’m sorry.” Emi looked down feeling pangs of guilt in her gut.

“The Meiji Era,″ Ronaldo said.

“What?” Emi asked.

“During the Meiji Era samurai were no longer allowed to carry their swords out in public anymore and many weapons were being confiscated by the government. Swordsmiths ended up making kitchen cutlery to get by, and while some samurai were able to find a new place in society, others committed seppuku and some revolted against the new government only to be slain. Other groups, however, put down the katana and picked up other tools. Brooms, fishing poles, umbrellas. There were no laws about carrying those things in public, so groups formed around them. You can’t really find dojos that teach those things anymore, but there are people still around that teach and practice.” Emi took a couple of seconds to process all that.

“So why umbrellas out of all those things,” Emi asked. Ronaldo paused before looking up at the raining sky, a small beam of sunlight cracked through the storm cloud and shone on his face.

“Humans have always been at the mercy of the gods and whatever they decide to reign down on us. A flourishing city or powerful army can be wiped away in an instant by a tsunami or hurricane. Despite our weaknesses, we continue to struggle against these forces. It may not be much.” More sunshine began to break through the clouds onto Ronaldo. “But by being able to walk through the middle of a rainstorm without having a single drop touch you shows that, just like Prometheus, we have the power to defy the gods, and the very existence of the umbrella itself is defiance. Because whether it’s the storm from a god or laws created by an emperor, the Umbrella manages to deflect it all.” And with that, the rain had completely died down and the sun began to shine on the city once more. “Oh look at that.” Ronaldo started to close the umbrella. “Looks like it cleared up. So did that explanation suffice miss uh... Now that I think about it, I don’t I got your name. Miss? Miss? You hear me?”

Emi was covering her mouth with both of her hands facing away from Ronaldo. She was trying so hard to hold back her laughter that she was getting lightheaded. That was the dumbest thing Emi heard all day. Umbrellas are an act of defiance against the gods. Is this dude for real. I have to keep it together. She let out some very loud coughs.

“Ahem! Ahem! Yeah, I heard you. Sorry about that. This city air just hits me sometimes.” She cleared her throat and gathered herself. “My name is Emi. Investigative journalist at New Jump High. Nice to meet you.” Emi gave a bright smile and extended her hand. Ronaldo looked at the hand for a moment and back up at Emi.

“Nice to make your acquaintance.”

They firmly grasped hands and shook.