What is your opinion?
Review
"A really cool premise, I loved the way you delivered it as well. Excellent!!"
The wish
"Beautiful I've never heard of this topic before and yet you have turned it into an amazing story I cannot wait to read the rest I'm going to add you to my reading list "
The Wish ✨
"Although there are not many chapters up yet, the first one got me hooked and waiting for more!! The plot is interesting and completely different from what I have read until now!! This is going to turn out to be a captivating story, I am so sure of it!! Keep up the good work author!! I'll be waiting for your updates!!💙💙💙"
The Wish
"I loved the lessons it taught you. It was very well written and the characters reminded me of friends. Excellent job!"
A prose style that reads well
"Your natural writing style is very strong and drew me in. Your style feels like prose poetry, and I think you should lean into this in your future writing. It felt like I was reading a backyard stream flowing over rocks. It was calm an enticing, tricking serenity into a story worried by issues of the characters coming wish. To improve your style, you might want to try and start paragraphs with something other than the word “I” at the beginning of most of your sentences. You might also try and incorporate more metaphors in to show the feelings of your character in more ways that are new and exciting. In the second chapter, she says she loves Ben, but what makes her think that? What makes her think he doesn’t love her. You could describe her thinking she would trap him in metaphors. You spelling was decent and I noticed no glaring errors that took me out of reading your story. There were some grammar errors. I wasn’t reading too carefully, but your hook sentence is difficult to parse. You really need your hook to be solid and easy to read to draw your reader in. The way it is currently written caused me to almost not read your story right from the start. You have a really interesting plot for your story. You might shorten timeframes a little (I can’t imagine that dimes would even be used in hundreds of years. Also large cellphones still being used in 2200? Read up on Moore’s law. 😀). Some things I thought were interesting include the new religion, the fantastical elements with wishes that come true in a way you don’t expect, and the fortune teller that seems to be a friend to the main character. I also thought it was interesting that you decided to go back towards a patriarchal society in your futuristic story. I also liked how you didn’t tell us all the details of your world and are carefully feeding details. That’s something a lot of new authors struggle with a and it was a breath of fresh air to have to keep guessing. I look forward to reading more. (P.S. I recommend not reviewing your own story. Boosting reviews by reviewing your own story and adding author notes at the top of chapters are both a bit tacky.) "
