What is your opinion?
Appreciation and Commission Request
"Hi! I’m Eloise, a digital artist passionate about visual storytelling. I just read your story and was completely pulled in the emotion, the world, the characters it all played out in my head like a comic. I’d love to collaborate on adapting a scene into a short comic! I focus on expressive characters and impactful layouts, and I think we could create something really special together. I charge reasonably and am happy to share samples of my work if you're curious. No pressure just wanted to say how much I loved your writing and share the idea. Feel free to reach out on Discord: luansousa8287. "
Beautiful Story!
"This is a must-read for any Sci-fi lovers! I myself am more of a Fantasy fan, but I was riveted to the screen the who time as I read this. There are some grammar and punctuation mistakes, but not so much as to take away from the story. Keep it up!"
Good story
"It’s a promising tale. I believe it’s the first draft so I look forward to seeing how it turns out after the writer polishes it up and fixes the mechanics. Story wise, it is quite interesting especially with the entire intergalactic battles and quest for answers, which I believe is also a quest to discover and find oneself. I would have loved more vivid world building, there isn’t a sense of time in regards to how long their intergalactic travels take or getting from one point to the other. It appears the major chuck of world-building went into the prologue and then everything else doesn’t follow. Character wise, I liked Selene’s determination and audaciousness, especially with Lotus. But then it quickly became irksome because she thought she could say whatever she wanted to whoever cos she is Selene, a Tenno of the first team and a badass. One drawback for me was a chunk of the dialogue. They need to be restructured and reword to be more propelling. My personal opinion is this: given how the team is propped up as the first team and all; losing one of their best fighters like that didn’t add up. I still can’t digest the entire death scene. Another troubling issue is that as the first team, such a case shouldn’t be so hard to crack. They kept dwelling on a no brainer even though they knew it was a no brainer. It just seemed to drag on with the team idling around for nothing. Selene’s character and sense of entitlement made this hard to read. I still don’t understand her conviction in stating her team failed her, that’s not the case, not from what I read. If they had expressly told her to stop digging or something along those lines I’d be more inclined to believe that they had in fact failed her. She fails to be logical in seeing things from their perspective, perhaps that’s where her character arc occurs further down the road. Still I have to commend the writer for creating a character that I feel very strongly about. It’s very good characterization."
Wow!
"There were a few missing words and the first chapter seems like a lot to take in at once but the plot seems really interesting. "
good story but needs proofreading
"great story line but the writing is like the author is not comfortable with English. needs a good proofreader..."
