Ramblings Of A Dark Mind

My life was going to shit, my wife left me, I got fired from my job because the weed dulled the pain of her departure but it affected my work significantly. I was heading no where fast and I didn’t know where to get help, shit part of me didn’t even want help. I felt this world would be better without me so now I’m setting out to take my own life.

I looked up various ways to do it, each method had a description of what it might feel like. It’s surreal to me realizing that methods of suicide have some fucked up version of a yelp review.

Two seemed to interest me. The first is hanging. Hanging is popular and I can see why, there is no pain. Before you die you drift off into some sort of sleep so you begin dreaming before the life runs out of you, after that who knows.

Someone living a life like mine is in constant pain, the weight of existing alone becomes too much. Sleep is where the only true refuge lies, where the agony of the real world doesn’t seem to touch you, your own make believe land, and hanging allows the opportunity to visit this place of solace this dreamland one more time before you are no more in the physical world. So I can see why it is so popular.

The second method I researched and felt myself capable of performing was jumping from a tall structure and dying on impact. Of course it would have to be high enough to kill you, it would suck to fall, break your body and end up on a bed paralyzed. See i can imagine it is one hell of an adrenaline rush peering over the edge to the floor below, one last spike of life before you snuff it out like an old candle in a drafty room. Who am I to judge the method of ones departure from their mortal turmoil. The feeling of flight, the drop in your gut as you plummet to your death must be experienced in the purest form.

So those were the two options that I figured would work, all I had to do now is convince this bitch, I’m sorry my ex wife, to choose one and watch me do it in front of her so she could see how devastated I am. I lost a piece when she left and now I hope she looses a piece of her.