Perturbing Stories

Perturbing Stories of Robin Kaczmarczyk

THE CLEANERS

Nobody knows me. I walk around, dressed like a homeless person, going from bank to bank, withdrawing the little money I receive from social security, and nobody understands. Nobody knows. Nobody suspects.

I launder money.

A lot of money. In fact, I launder the money of a certain government’s agency of a very large first world country. We’re talking about billions of dollars. Every month.

This money is to finance a secret army, a kind of military-outside-the military of this particular country, which serves, specifically, private interests associated directly to me. In fact, this military is mine. I control it. I own it. I pay for it. That is why I launder money. I launder money to control this army.

I am the man with no name. You can call me Mr. Nobody.

I am the fellow who pays for the black suits of the Men in Black. I am the guy who runs the Agency’s top Agents. I have toppled governments, assassinated heroes, built nations, declared wars…

I own nothing. I own everything. Nobody knows me and yet, my acts have affected the whole world.

Allow me to explain to you, mere mortals, how I managed to do this.

It started with an idea. What if my pennies were made out of gold? At the time, I was working a 9-5 for Federal Express. That was back in the 80s, so, my paycheck was around 850 dollars a month. Not really much, but for me, it was enough to begin to conquer the world.

Jason M. Yessick was a money launderer. I met him while delivering five 50 lbs packages to his gorgeous Beverly Hills mansion. He lived with his family in the lap of luxury, with a bentley on his driveway, a huge 9 bedroom 4 bathroom mansion right off Rodeo Drive with all the amenities, including chef, butler and two maids, indoor pool, private jacuzzi, and a two million dollar yacht docked on the Marina del Rey.

His wife and twin girls were basically perfect, blonde-blue-eyed, all Americans who looked like something out of Norman Rockwell meets the Kardashians. Long story short, Jason and I became friends thanks to our mutual addiction to sci-fi writer Piers Anthony. Jason invited me to a series of very interesting Hollywood VIP parties hosted by a variety of sci-fi personalities like William Shatner, Wesley Snipes and Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson.

Jason at first told me he was a simple bank manager with Wells Fargo for the Beverly Hills branch. But as the years passed and we became more intimate as friends, he eventually decided to invite me into his real business: money laundering.

It was not a coincidence that I was a Federal Express Delivery Person. He had decided to check me out in order to expand his business. Jason need somebody inside the Federal Express delivery system in order to insure that his enormous shipments of cash from Bogota, Colombia would arrive to his doorstep without hiccups. He was willing to pay me a huge amount of money to make sure customs officials and such other pesky government agents would never question the validity of his shipments.

I was the right man for the job.

But then, the 90s came around, and many of the jobs that I could do for Jason were suddenly out of my hands, automated and totally dependent upon computer systems that made it impossible for me to continue doing what I was doing.

By now, I had to hide my own wealth from the authorities. My dealings with Jason Yessick had earned me over a million dollars, and all that money was in cash, which I kept, literally, under my bed. Jason had made it very clear that a deposit of such a large amount of money from a puny Federal Express employee would attract the police attention. Keeping it under the bed was his idea. He also told me that I should not spend a penny without consulting him. Having a Porsche or taking a European Vacation was too dangerous. I had to figure out how to micro-wash my money before I used it. Oddly enough, laundering 100 million dollars was somehow easier than laundering one million.

It was back in ’99, right around the end of the millennium that I came up with the perfect idea. I would buy gold with my money, and mint it in coins that would appear to be simple pennies. Then I would paint those pennies with a paint that made it almost impossible to distinguish between my gold pennies and ordinary pennies. Presto. The perfect hidden currency.

Of course, all that happened before Bitcoin and all the other crypto currencies. Back then, money laundering in Hollywood was done the old fashioned way: making movies.

You see, movies in Hollywood all count with three different budgets. The inflated “bank” budget, which is the official budget that is given to the government in order to play with taxes, hide money and make things look larger than life on the billboards. Then there is the “producer’s” budget, which is more or less that investors and other money-launderers know to be the cost of the production. Finally there is the “real” budget, which is what the Line-Producer uses to pay the crew that films the movie.

Ever wonder why there are so many bad movies made that cost so much money?

Now you know.

When the IRS began to investigate Jason, he got arrested and his assets were confiscated. Thankfully, he managed to give me the heads-up a few hours before his arrest, and I was able to escape Hollywood and move to the tiny island nation of Antigua Barbuda, an independent island state in the Caribbean with less than 80 thousand people.

Antigua was first settled by archaic age hunter-gatherer Amerindians called the Siboney or Ciboney. Carbon dating has established the earliest settlements started around 3100 BC. They were succeeded by the ceramic age pre-Columbian Arawak-speaking Saladoid people who migrated from the lower Orinoco River.

The Arawaks introduced agriculture, raising, among other crops, the famous Antigua black pineapple (Moris cultivar of Ananas comosus), corn, sweet potatoes (white with firmer flesh than the bright orange “sweet potato” most often used in the United States), chiles, guava, tobacco, and cotton.

The indigenous West Indians made excellent seagoing vessels which they used to sail around on the Atlantic and the Caribbean. As a result, Caribs and Arawaks were able to colonise much of South America and the Caribbean Islands. Their descendants still live there, notably in Brazil, Venezuela, and Colombia.

Most Arawaks left Antigua around 1100 AD; those who remained were later raided by the Caribs. According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, the Caribs’ superior weapons and seafaring prowess allowed them to defeat most of the West Indian Arawak nations, enslaving some and possibly cannibalising others.

The Catholic Encyclopedia makes it clear that the European invaders had difficulty differentiating between the various groups of the native peoples they encountered. As a result, the number and types of ethnic/tribal groups in existence at that time may have been much more varied and numerous than just the two mentioned in this article.

European and African diseases, malnutrition, and slavery eventually killed most of the Caribbean’s native population. Smallpox was probably the greatest killer. Some historians believe that the psychological stress of slavery may also have played a part in the massive number of deaths amongst enslaved natives. Others believe the reportedly abundant but starchy, low-protein diet may have contributed to their severe malnutrition as they were used to a diet fortified with protein from the sea.

The Spaniards did not colonise Antigua because it lacked fresh water but not aggressive Caribs. The English settled on Antigua in 1632; Sir Christopher Codrington settled on Barbuda in 1684. Slavery, established to run sugar plantations around 1684, was abolished in 1834. The British ruled from 1632 to 1981, with a brief French interlude in 1666.

The islands became an independent state within the Commonwealth of Nations on 1 November 1981, with Elizabeth II as the first Queen of Antigua and Barbuda. The Right Honourable Vere Cornwall Bird Sr became the first Prime Minister.

Basically, an island owned a bunch of bank-swavy english modern-day pirates.

I was right at home.

And with my gold pennies hidden in an old sock, I was also the wealthiest man in Barbados besides the Queen Herself.

But I had learned my lesson. I would not let anybody know that I was rich. I took a small little apartment, bought a VW Bug and basically dedicated my life to drinking margaritas, eating fresh seafood and sunbathing by the beach. I had nothing to worry about.

Until 9-11.

I realized that a big game was afoot. My confidential sources and private investigations (which took a great deal of my wealth) made me realize that a dark, underground government was trying to create a new world order where all the money would be useless and wealth would be measured by electronic means. The infamous “micro-chip” was on it’s way.

My gold pennies would be worthless in a world where all the money was stored in a tiny microchip under our skin. I had inside information. I had paid huge sums for it. So I knew, I understood perfectly what was coming.

Forget for a minute that the microchip was actually very probably the “mark of the beast” mentioned in the bible. The fact was that ordinary wealth, like my gold-coins, would not be worth anything and identities like mine, which were perfectly fictitious, would quickly be found out, anywhere on earth.

The great paranoia of Big Brother took over my heart and soul, and I decided to fight tooth and nail against it.

So I made a deal… with the devil, so to speak.

The group trying to create the new cashless world had powerful enemies. Among them, a breakoff government agency that was quite interested in my ability to move money without being noticed. In fact, a real hidden war was going on inside the USA since 9-11, and my allies were the tip of the spear of this global effort to liberate mankind from the clutches of the hidden cabal that was going to get rid of cash.

The “axis” as they called themselves (and yes, the name did have to do with the axis powers of WWII… be it no surprize that most of my allies were of german or japanese origin) were huge in drugs, human traffic and weapons. But banking was their soft spot, since most of the bankers were part of the New World Order.

But we did manage to get certain bankers on our side, and these bankers were the key to my principal operations…

Allow me to explain.

I became a kind of “marker” for all interactions between, for instance, colombian cocaine cartels and arms dealers in Japan. It worked in the following manner: The Axis deposited a set small amount in my account. Let’s say 20 thousand dollars. I would then spend this money on pre-arranged products such as renting an apartment, traveling to Japan or buying a dog. Except that all these interactions were not really what they appeared to be.

First of all, my 20 thousand dollars was actually 20 thousand dollars based on the current gold-penny value. Remember my gold pennies? Well, now every cent I spent was accounted for in gold pennies, which meant that every penny I spent was actually worth one ounce of gold. Roughly 2 thousand dollars.

When I paid 2 dollars for a cup of coffee and a doughnut, I was actually spending 200 ounces of gold, or roughly 40,000 dollars.

Every cent I spent was recorded carefully by the hidden agents of the axis powers, and used as a marker for the huge billion dollar transactions between them and their allies. And everything I bought was specific to a certain underground product, such as riding in a taxi or a bus which was a standin for transport of drugs or weapons. Food meant drugs. Clothing meant weapons.

It was the perfect scheme. And it depended on the fact that I did not really enjoy living in the lap of luxury. I could care less. I was in it for the long run, and what I was trying to do was to stop the New World Order at any cost.

Pretty soon, my life became a perfectly ordinary life. I returned to the USA, where I took a “job” as a pizza delivery man. My name was changed. So was my appearance. I was nobody. I was invisible.

And yet, all around me, I could always perceive the frantic spying of every single purchase I ever made. Secret armies moved around me unseen. Huge arms sales, drugs deals and smuggling efforts happened thanks to acts as innocent as me buying a new pair of shoes.

President Obama came and went. And then Donald Trump became president and Vladimir Putin swore to bring down the NWO. The future looked very optimistic, and I knew… We had won.

But nobody would ever find out.