Alone
A/N: I always found it unfair that sometimes Sophie would ask Dex to work on opening the caches alone and work on formulating a plan with the rest of the gang. This is just kind of my thoughts (as Dex) spewed out onto a page. Anyways, this is for the sweet cinnamon bun Dex.
Arriving back at Rimeshire, Dex lowered his pathfinder in defeat. Emotions flitting in and out of him, he walked dejectedly back up to his home.
Dex flung open the door and stomped to his room, ignoring the curious triplets who tried to drag him away to do who knows what.
But Dex wasn’t in the mood for that. Locking himself in his room, and drawing the blinds on his window, sulking on his bed, that was what he did. How could he be in a playful mood? After what had happened?
Yet again, he, Dex Dizznee, had been tossed aside carelessly by his best friend, Sophie Foster. If he had been thinking straight, he would have known it was not carelessly, but Sophie had yet again forgotten to consider his feelings. If Dex wasn’t so angry, perhaps he would have known that perhaps Sophie didn’t mean to treat him this way.
But Dex was not ready too. It wasn’t his fault. That’s what he always told himself, time after time, as he was forgotten once more, cast aside for more important matters. It was what he told himself as rebellious tears slipped down his cheeks as he hid away from the cruel world.
Sometimes, when he was so angry, all the dark thoughts coming to surface, Dex wished he could tell Sophie. Tell her all of his angers, wishes, and thoughts that plagued him every time he let himself think about what he normally shoved away.
He knew Sophie would be hurt, and a part of him hoped she would, so she would change and stop treating him this way. Stop casting him aside, no matter how important the job was. Couldn’t she at least keep him company? Stop him from staying alone, laboring over the tasks she gave him?
Or perhaps he could refuse. Refuse and tell her he didn’t want to do it, that he wanted to be a part of the action, included with the rest of them rather than pushed aside.
But Dex knew he would never refuse. He didn’t have the courage to tell Sophie no, not after all the things they had went through. Not after everything. It wouldn’t be fair. To either of them.
Sometimes, after Dex had sunk into his thoughts, going deeper and deeper, losing himself to the dark thoughts, he would feel the intense shame and guilt over thinking these thoughts.
The traitorous thoughts about one of his friends, who had taken a chance on him and became his friend.
One of his first real friends too. One of the first people to look beyond his parent’s relationship when they looked at him.
How could he think this about Sophie? It was obvious Sophie didn’t mean anything, and here he was, getting angrier and angrier, when she didn’t know what was going on, what he was thinking.
If only he had the courage. The courage to stand up for himself and perhaps... perhaps tell her gently. Make sure she knew he didn’t mind, but hoped things would change.
But the guilt and shame. How could he hurt Sophie’s feelings like that? After all she had done for him? Crush her over something as trivial as this?
Whenever the guilt started to suffocate him, Dex would have to think of the incredible friendship they shared. Every fun memory they shared, the darkness couldn’t hold a candle to it. He would have to remind himself that the guilt did not matter, for he would never hurt Sophie like that.
He would continue feeling sad and angry. He couldn’t stop himself. But he would not let the guilt drag him down. He refused to let the guilt break his mind, for spending time with his friends just washed it all away, replacing it with all the happiness in the world.
Yes, it still hurt. But he was Dex Dizznee. He didn’t give up. He wouldn’t give up his friend just because he was hurting. He wouldn’t try to hurt his friend’s feelings just because his might be.
Just because Dex was thinking all of this didn’t mean it was true. Thoughts were fleeting, coming and going. His actions defined who he was to Sophie and himself, not quiet thoughts that invaded his mind when he wasn’t thinking straight.
Dex would still hurt, and he knew it. But he also knew that there were more important matters now.
Getting off the bed, Dex vowed to put these thoughts aside and focus on other matters. Think things through and act more maturely, seeing things from Sophie’s point of view. There was no way Sophie meant to hurt him. He knew that.
Opening the door, Dex encountered the triplets, hiding something behind their backs as they ran away cackling. Smiling to himself, Dex began to chase after them, knowing things were going to be okay.
