Grounding Fans

All my life, from the moment I was born and certainly until the second I will expel my last breath, I will see nothing but a grey world. From the view of the narrow balcony, I could only see the dull walls of the buildings. All covered with disorderly placed small windows , some worn clothes hanged here and there and the engine of my dream suspended nagging me for my own incapacity. The white boxes of the multiples ventilation system looked like dimple on a grey face. Running wild as always, their roars were playing a grotesque music that would never leave your head. For sure, even if they were all turned of, i would still be able to ear them clearly.

"Marica ! Stop daydreaming and come help me with the laundry!"

My mother looked exauhsted as always three children in the arms, doing everything alone as if she had more than one body. Her nappy hair looked like the grey clouds and the bags under her eyes were worse than most days, proof that she haven't been sleeping correctly recently. I was detailing her, she was pretty, no wonder my father fell for her even though her chocolate skin looked a bit livid today, she still was beautiful.

"-[.....] And so... Hey are you listening to me ?! What are you staring at me like that? Stop it and come help me ! Dear God Why are you so airheaded today?

-Ah! my bad! I didn't do it on purpose.

- I hope you didn't!Common the laundry wont get on those rope alone!"

She gave me the bag full of clothes amd went back feeding the children while i just watched it blankly.

Indeed I was a bit out of pace, everything seemed awfully slow and I had a bad feeling stuck in the bottom of my throat.

My attention shifted once again when i eared the sound of the suspended basket. I rushed out to the narrow balcony and looked down Squinting as the floor was meters away. I could see the small form on the nacelle, well placed like milk bottles in a box. The engine was making an awful noise stoping each time someone had to go down at his level. There were several things like that all over the buildings and they were the only way for people living in the highest floor to get to the grounds.

"-Dad is back! " I said with content putting away the clothes bag to intensely observe all the men goimg back to their homes.

When my dad finally arrived at our floor, just in front of our balcony he waved to the other remaining mens who still had a thought way to go, and embraced me gently.

"-How as been your week,my sweet bird?

-Great as always, I finished all the books you offered me ! and helped mom well!

-Helped me well, that is something to debate if we count all the time you looked blankly at the windows "My mother finally arrived behind me gritting her husband with a kiss.

"I welcome back Honey. You look worse than last week.

-And you your bags are darker then the last time I saw you. Are you sleeping enough?

-Are you in position to worry about me?

-Of course, so are you."

My parents conversation where always strange, not like what we saw on tv, completely different from the parents of my friends were. They were a true mystery.

However, i could tell the palpable weight of their worries, They both knew their complexion looked worst as the time passed and it would be hard to keep up.

We soon became silent. Only the sound of the television was playing on the background , almost inaudible accompanied by the fans orchestra.

"Remember the savior of all....Everyone got a roof.... The greatest...Always in your lives."

My mom put an end to the heavy silence.

"So do you have any news?We got new kids right? why is nothing coming?

-Nothing in that matter I'm afraid. I tried to contact the higher-ups, but you know how it is. the process is long, all those paper to fill I don't know where to put my head anymore. They asked me to fill a forme for an higher department again.

-Again?Isn't it has been the 10th time?

-I know but it's not going Anywhere. I can't give up tho, we have to keep going....."

Finding myself out of place I stepped further in the room. Not like it would have changed anything in this space that served us as a home. My dad Suddenly stopped speaking as i was changing the television program.

"-I have to go back tomorrow.

-Tomorrow?What do you mean?! you just came back!

-I know, but i don't have any other choices

-They're gonna kill you Samuel! You can't work Every days of the week! Can't they see your already in that state?!

-They don't care , actually that more of a reason for them. They're having a new project, people will guet fired soon, i need to do my best. It's because of them that we are eating.

-You won't eat if you die! Even if they provide us food, a house, this is barely enough to feed my kids! my kids they preussured me to have after all those years forbidding me to have?!They're toying with my fertility and now they want to...

-ENAUGH !....Ebony, you can't talk like that, It's better than nothing and you know it....."

My mother looked bitter, biting her lips holding back tears with the babies crying in her harms.They did not raise the voice at each other often, for my dad conflict where pointless and they were both to tired to seriously beggin a fight. So, as they did all the time, one would not talk anymore, and this time it was my mother. She turned her back, cradling desperately her baby. I, for myself, went back to the balcony and quietly started to put the clothes on the worn rope.

***************************************

The day passed, without any of my parents bringing back the conversation again. They just went back to their usual self talking about their weeks, with a tacit tension in the air, nothing less nothing more.

I had my face drown in the new books my dad got me anyway, I couldn't notice anything, I should have , but I didn't, I did my best not to, and filed myself with a world that wasn't mine, looking for the answers I couldn't get. Then someone knocked at the door, in a rhythm a new very well.