"Love and War: The evacuation of Sunshine

Jim Ahiers

0 chapters read

Jul 31, 2020

Intense

"Well written, with very concise grammar, usage, and punctuation. As short stories go, it was very fluid and easy to read. The tension and the drama were very real, and the misery of war was easy to feel in the dialogue. I enjoyed the vivid picture that it painted. Hats off to the author for a job well done."

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Andrew Wooldridge

1 chapters read

Aug 1, 2020

Great first start!

"I feel like this author grew a lot while writing this first chapter. The beginning seems a bit more unfinished, but as the bombs fall and the dialog starts, they seem to be more comfortable in their writing style. I would suggest going back to the start of the chapter and make it feel more like the rest. Overall, very good! Would like to have a bit more descriptions of the characters - appearance, expressions, clothing, etc. But so far good job!"

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