ISLANDER

Emma was serving her somewhat twentieth customer that morning. She was still feeling weak and sick from her recent flu and her back was sore. She felt a rush of temperature from time to time but she couldn’t go home, not yet. She still had three more hours to push through before her shift was over. The noise in the coffee shop was intrusive. A symphony of cups and spoons, opening and shutting doors, squeaking of chairs, talking and laughing, the cash desk and the coffee machines. She had only started two hours ago but the smell of coffee was already starting to make her nauseous. The old-looking diner successfully turned into a coffee shop that drained many young customers because of the overall cheap drinks and hip names.

“Miss, miss, did you take my order down, I’m in a hurry here, could you speed it up a little?” The bitchy woman’s voice echoed in her sore head and muscles.

Emma smiled back politely and assured it was on its way, her hands clutching the notepad tightly to control her temper.

“It’s about time,” the woman muttered back.

Emma now bit her tongue to contain her growing annoyance. She had to be overly nice, smiley, and polite to each customer no matter how rude they were. Work policy. It was hard on her, containing herself like that. She took her break and went to the restroom. She stopped and stared into the mirror. She was horrified, she looked horrible. Her face was yellow and swollen. Her eyes were red and bloated and her hair was already greasy. She was now even more depressed. She tried to repair her appearance by splashing cold water on her eyes and cheeks so that she would look fresh, she re-organized her hair into a tight ponytail. She rummaged through her bag for powder and eyeliner. Once she was satisfied with her reflection she went back to work. The noise and smell aggressed her immediately. She wished she could just evaporate and disappear from the room. Every day she thought of quitting but she needed the job, she needed the money. Emma had been in Los Angeles for over a year and she was still struggling. She had moved there with her boyfriend. He had always wanted to move there for his music career and he made them both apply for the green card lottery. Turned out Emma won, he didn’t. They decided to leave London together, he would follow her while she settled down seeing how he could find a way to stay. Things didn’t go all that well for the least.

She had nothing to lose in London. She had no family left and her job as a teacher had become a nuisance. She wasn’t made for authority. She felt oppressed and the hate of hierarchy got to a point she could not fight any longer. It wasn’t in her nature to do things she did not believe in. Her values were simple but strong. Each time she had to transgress them, she suffered deeply. When she won the lottery, at first, she didn’t think much of it. It was vague and far from her priorities. If it weren’t for her boyfriend she would probably have completely ignored it. Until that clash at work. She stood up against the authority who blamed one of her students for something he had not done. It was too much for her to ignore. She finally let it all out and she was kindly asked to gather her things and leave. She did not think twice, she gathered her things and said goodbye to her students. When she got home, the letter for the green card was on her table. She remembered looking at it and for the first time seeing the possibility of moving. When she told her boyfriend she had been dismissed he said it was a sign, he persuaded her they had to go, they had to take that chance. He, of course, wanted to go to Hollywood, where the music scene was. She on the other hand did not have a particular place in mind. She didn’t know what she could do there professionally speaking. The only experience she’d had was teaching. But she’d have to start everything over. And she wasn’t sure she wanted to start teaching again. The weeks after that passed by rather fast and before she knew it, they were sitting on the plane. They had only packed two suitcases. There was nothing more she needed to take along with her. She didn’t know what to expect. She had never left Europe. The United States scared her by its size and by its history or non-history. As the flight attendants explained the security procedures, Emma sunk back into her seat watching every face around her. The parents whose kid wouldn’t stop hitting the seat in front of them, the man in front of them getting tired and growing impatient but still holding back his anger for the moment. After the security announcement the stewardess stopped to talk to the kid, the intimidation worked and he calmed down instantly. The flight was endless, the longest one she had ever taken. The seats were tiny with no legroom. Her neck ached with each position she tried to snuggle in to fall asleep. Sleep was impossible and when they landed she felt exhausted and swollen. Getting off the plane was not as smooth as she had imagined it would be. When they passed immigration she was surprised how cold the agents were. The first contact was not the best one. It caught her off guard. The first night they spent in one of the airport hotels. The cheapest they could find. From then on everything was downhill. She felt every day was a struggle. Getting around was difficult, finding a place to live, finding a job, finding friends. All of that seemed impossible. The pressure kept rising and the final straw was when her boyfriend had to go back to England when his three-month tourist VISA expired. There she was alone to face it all. He never came back. All the glitter he had had in his eyes had evaporated and he gave up wanting to stay there with her. She had three different jobs, waitressing at a cafe in Burbank, babysitting for a family in the valley, and proofreading texts for websites online from her home.

She hadn’t met many people she could call friends, and in general, she felt lonely. Work wasn’t interesting and she had trouble melting in with her colleagues even though they were all very nice. She didn’t feel like she fit in.

“Hey, are you alright Emma?” Lisa’s worried voice crept into her reminiscing.

“Oh, sorry, I’m just a little tired and I don’t feel that well,” Emma answered back stroking her hair ashamed of herself.

“Yeah, you don’t look so good, do you want me to fill in for you? That way you can go home and rest.” Lisa suggested nicely.

“No, that’s very nice of you but I might as well finish it now that I’m here and still standing,” Emma replied thankfully.

“Whatever suits you,” Lisa answered as she ran to a customer calling out for one of them.

Emma continued washing up the table she had started clearing. Her mind was back at work, back to the noise and the smell she had learned to hate. She felt she was being observed, it was a man in his mid-thirties seated at a nearby table. He was behind his laptop working but their eyes met several times before he smiled at her. She felt uncomfortable and awkwardly smiled back before pacing back to the service door with her tray. She paused once the door was shut behind her. She was slightly shaking. All of a sudden the door drew open, Lisa ran into her smiling.

“I think you’ve got an admirer.” She whispered grinning.

“What?” Emma answered quite shy.

“Oh, come on, don’t tell me you didn’t notice that guy eyeing you,” Lisa said with a playful wink. “He’s been devouring you with his eyes since he came in,” she added.

Emma didn’t know what to answer, she said nothing and continued clearing her tray.

“He’s handsome, you should go back there and say something.” Lisa insisted.

Emma ignored her.

“You’re no fun, girl. Don’t come crying saying you feel lonely.” Lisa shot out as she left the kitchen to swing her behind exaggeratedly from side to side like Jessica Rabbit.

Tears ran down Emma’s cheeks, she sobbed silently trying to calm herself down. Breaking down at work was not something she was comfortable with. When she managed to calm down, she dried her eyes and went back to work.

The man was still there working on his laptop. She had to pass by him to go to the counter. She crossed the room with determination but half-way he called out to her. She hesitantly turned towards him very professionally and completely detached.

“What may I do for you, sir?” She asked.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, it wasn’t my intention at all.” He pursued with a British accent

“There’s no problem, sir.” She answered relieved to hear a familiar accent.

“I mean, I couldn’t help but overhear your accent. You’re British if I’m not mistaken. That’s what caught my attention.” He explained.

She was reassured and relaxed as she answered with a smile.

“I see, yes, I’m from London. And you?” She managed to ask.

“From London as well, but I’ve been here for years.” He said smiling back.

“I take it you’re new here.” He added.

“It’s been slightly over a year.”

“Hardest part.” He said.

“I guess.”

“Here’s my card, don’t hesitate if you need any advice or anything I could help you with.” He said handing it out to her.

She thanked him as she slipped the card into her pocket and resumed her way to the counter.

She felt revived when her shift finished and she changed into her clothes. As she went through her apron pocket to get the man’s card out she was afraid she had lost it. Instead of placing it in the big middle pocket, she had chosen to slip it into the tiny side pocket. When she grabbed it she felt relieved. She took the time to read his name: Arthur Kingsley, consultant. That did sound pretty British she thought to herself. Consultant didn’t really mean much. She put the card in her handbag as she grabbed her car keys. Her old wreck was parked between two shiny trucks. It was the only car she could afford. She just prayed it didn’t break down anytime soon. It had lost its color, it was now principally just rust. She didn’t care much for nice cars, she hadn’t caught the syndrome yet. The car was steaming hot. She carefully put her hands on the stirring-wheel, it was burning. Sweat was running down her hair to the back of her neck. When her hands got accustomed to the heat she backed out and drove home. She had some work to do before her baby-sitting. When she got home she took a long cool shower and decided to lay down for a few minutes. She was still very tired. She lay on her bed with the fan on to it’s highest position pointed straight at her. The cool breeze on her burning skin was the best moment of the day. She relaxed and fell asleep. An insistent ringing managed to pull her from her dream. She opened her eyes still dazed by the heavy sleep and turned to her alarm clock trying to adapt her eyes to the red neon digits, she jumped up seeing it was already past 8 pm. She had been sleeping for hours instead of just a few minutes. Her phone rang again. She picked it up expecting it would be the parents of the kids she was supposed to be babysitting.

“Emma, what’s going on, we’ve been trying to get a hold of you? You were supposed to be here over three hours ago!” The frantic lady’s tone pierced her ear.

“Mrs. Ridgewood, I am so sorry, I don’t know how to make it up to you, I fell asleep, I’m so sorry,” Emma mumbled full of shame.

“Asleep? That’s not professional. I had to cancel my meeting and stay with the kids. How can I trust you now?” She shot at her in fury.

“I’m sorry.” Was the only thing Emma managed to say. There was no fighting it, she knew she had lost the job. She didn’t have the strength nor the will to fight for it.

“Well, if that’s all you’ve got to say for yourself, then let me make things clear, we’re done here. Goodbye.” The voice said and hung up.

Emma put the phone down and crashed back down onto the bed. She did not feel anything, no anger, no disappointment, no regret. She was emotionally numb. It was another blow and sadly she was starting to get used to it. She kept thinking of the card she had in her bag. Arthur. Maybe he could help after all. But she couldn’t get herself to call.

She finally got up and went to her computer to work on the texts. It was faster than she’d expected. She’d wished she had more of that type of work. It suited her better than attending to people. She was better off alone. She had no trouble organizing herself, she did not like being observed and bossed around. Working from home was perfect.

When she finished work she ordered a pizza and watched television until very late. She picked Arthur’s card up to look at it now and then. As if there would be more information the more she would look at it. But there was nothing. She had Googled him but she did not find anything specific as there were plenty of people with the same name. She now labeled him the mysterious man from the coffee house. She felt lonely and low. The big city of angels was not lifting her to her expectations, not that she had had any to start with. But now there was a bitter taste in her mouth and a feeling of a point of no return. She even wondered if she should maybe think of moving to a smaller city, more humane. Someplace she would feel more comfortable to build something. She needed to think things out seriously before finding a new job. She wasn’t afraid to move anymore, but she was afraid to commit. She fell asleep in front of her television. When she woke up to the sound of the alarm. The smell of cold pizza filled her nose. She got up from the couch with soreness in her entire body. She quickly put the leftover pizza in the refrigerator, took a quick warm shower, and got ready for work. She ran to her car and as she got in she noticed a piece of paper on her windshield. She got out to grab it. It was hand-written.

“Don’t forget to call if you need anything. A.K.”

She nervously looked around and felt uncomfortable and paranoia crept into her fragile mind. She put the paper on the passenger’s seat and drove to work. As she entered the coffee house and said hello, it must have read on her face. Lisa rushed to her asking if she was alright. Emma explained and Lisa started giggling.

“Oh, the note, don’t worry he didn’t stalk you, he asked me to put it on your car. I put it there yesterday, you just didn’t see it!”

A heavy weight lifted off of Emma’s shoulders. She would have hated to think he was a stalker because she had been thinking of contacting him. Her shift went by fast and on a bright note except that she scrutinized each client who entered to see if it were Arthur coming back. She secretly wanted him to come back, but he didn’t show up. She finished and changed slowly this time as she no longer had to rush because of the babysitting job. She even sat in front of the counter talking to Lisa for a while. Lisa was surprised but appreciated the company regardless. Lisa explained that she had already seen Arthur a couple of times before and that he seemed like a nice guy. This comforted Emma in the hope that she would probably see him again sometime soon at the coffee house. She left for home light-hearted and slightly daydreaming. The drive home under the hazy golden sun, an endlessly lasting mirage in the distance. She drove calmly listening to the music on the radio. Her hands on the wheel were gentle and loose. The hot breeze blew through her hair and caressed her neck. Her elbow was slightly outside her car window. She lay her head in her hand waiting for the light to turn green. She tried to make out Arthur’s face in her head but she couldn’t. Other faces kept matching inside his and she could not make it work. It frustrated her a bit but she was so dazed by the heat and lightness of heart that it did not affect her.