A Secret

I woke up drenched in sweat. That dream felt way too real. I can’t remember what it was probably but to be honest I don’t want to remember it.

I was lying alone in my bed, it was dark. I looked at the time, it was 5:55 AM. Time to go out and work out with dad. Instantly, and oh so naturally, I started my daydream. I imagined that some person is seeing me in a YouTube video because I played the role of a vlogger.

I thought of a funny and catchy narrative as I proceeded to get up from my bed. I even acted everything out. This is not something new, I do this whenever I’m alone.

As soon as I entered the living room, I noticed my mother waving at me. The narrative in my mind came to a pause and my daydreaming instantly vanished.

“Good morning Eileithyia, I have your dad’s tea ready. Please take it for him", my mother smiled her lovely smile.

I instantly felt relieved. She was in a good mood. “Of course", I answered sleepily.

While climbing the stairs the daydream again started. In my mind a monologue of my own ran. ‘Now that I have my father’s tea I’ll give it to him and then proceed to start my morning routine'. My face showed the evidence that I was indeed engaged in a speech inside my mind, for it would change too.

After getting inside my room, a new story started. This time I played the role of a girl from a strict household, and I had a crush on my father’s best friend’s son since we were kids. His name was James. His main purpose in my life was to give me peace and freedom, things that were so very rare and special to me.

I know, you think I’m crazy and I can assure you I’m NOT schizophrenic. I’m a psychology student, 19 years of age and I have this thing called Maladaptive daydreaming. It’s when a person daydreams constantly and makes up fictional characters or real life characters, gives them roles and stories. The catch? We know that we are just playing, we know that this is fictional and it is so very addictive.

The story with James dates back to when I was a mere 7 year old, it is the only recollection I have of me daydreaming. I don’t know when I started to do this or why I even exhibited this.

I imagined James sneaking into my room and giving me a much needed warm hug.

I am an awfully lonely person. Ever since I was a child I had to stay alone, my parents had to prioritize their jobs, I had no friends, I was bullied severely. Then we shifted and still the loneliness never faded. I again , had no friends. I was made fun of, isolated, my parents didn’t understand me rather always scolded me and mocked me. So I used to stay in my room constantly only got out if my parents gave me a chore or to eat and bathe.

This resulted into me daydreaming and creating stories in my mind to make me less lonely, to keep me engaged and helped me in a way, to survive.

Dad all of a sudden entered my room. I got startled.

“Sweetness, I’m not feeling so well, I don’t think we can workout today".

Ugh I was ecstatic. I didn’t want to workout. It’s too much work. I had one hour before the day officially started so I laid down on my bed and tried to sleep.

I imagined James stroking my hair. Soon darkness consumed me.

I woke up to the sensation of warm arms, of the sound of the rain and of course an unmistakable comfort of being petted.

Ah, so my mum is probably stroking my hair, feels quite good. I cracked my eyes open, thinking I’d find mum waiting for me however I found-

“So you’re finally up?”, James peered down on me, with a smile on his handsome face.

“Wait, am I daydreaming? But it feels so real? And why can I feel your touch?”, I was shocked, perplexed. Am I finally schizophrenic?!

“That’s because Theiya, you’re not daydreaming. This IS reality now.”

I felt my body freeze, my fingers became numb. I looked at him, baffled, unable to speak.

"You're acting really weird! You do remember we have classes today right?", wait so according to the story where James is in, we now study in a uni, currently doing our bachelor's. I'm a psych student while he's going to med school. It's right opposite our college.

"Are we in Brighton?", I asked trying to make things clear.

"Yeah, we've literally spent our childhood here, what are you talking about?"

Okay so context, me and the character James started when I was 7 and he was the same age as me. He was the representation of the perfect friend when I was a kid. He was your average blonde kid with light brown eyes. As I grew older I added more traits, and when I was 15 James became the representation of a person that I wanted, in every way. Therefore in my own constructed story, when we were 15, we had a hidden relationship.

In real life, I was used by a boy only for my physical assets, I dont like to talk about it. That's the reason why James shifted from being a representation of a very good platonic friend to that of being a good partner.

You think I'm crazy right? You'll be surprised to know that a lot of people experience the same things that I'm experiencing. I know that it wasnt real, I was just playing.

BUT I WASN'T READY FOR THIS. WHY IS HE REAL? WHY AM I IN BRIGHTON?

I can't freak out, I can sort this out, I think.

"Okay, how about you go home, and I get up and get ready?"

He looked at me, puzzled.

Oh shit, yesterday the story in my head got a new chapter, his family stayed over with us.

"Just wait downstairs, James.", I smiled warmly at him.

"If anything's bothering you, I'm always here.", I felt my heart break.

"Yes", he got up and left.

I got up and tugged my hair, hard. Well this ain't a dream , this is a new reality. My head's going to explode.

I let out a muffled groan and got out of the bed.

I wonder what would happen today. I brushed my teeth, feeling this discomfort in my chest. For some reason my wouldn't stay focused on the mirror.

Weird, I tried to really concentrate on the mirror, when all of a sudden it started to ripple. YUP, I NEED A DOCTOR, ASAP.

A middle aged woman peered at me from the mirror. "Who are you?", I know I'm very dumb when it comes to first impressions but with everything happening WHAT DID YOU EXPECT FROM ME?

"I am you", she replied with a little smile on her face.

"Look, I'm not in the mood for that tiktok meme thingy", I swear my sense of humor can be the worst sometimes.

"This ain't tiktok honey, you wont even be famous there. I am you from the future and honey, you got a storm coming"

"Wow rude, also stop with the memes, you're cringe", this woman is shitty.

"You do know that you're insulting yourself right? Look at me, I look just like you."

"Okay so why, what, I dont know what is happening", I mean I wasnt wrong or am I? Am I in a simulation? WTF

"So basically I wanted you to live your dreams, you have so much trauma in the real world all around you that your body and your mind can't take it anymore. Which is why I who suffered so much in the future wanted myself to have another chance, another way of living, to live in my own story, my own dreams. I manipulated time so that we can have a chance to, live."

If you think YOU can't understand this, think about ME. I decided to just go for it.

"Okay I'll try to enjoy and live in a story I created, but I have one question, are my parents okay?", I'm so concerned for them, wait even being concerned is an understatement.

"Yes, they don't even know you disappeared, they think that you're in a vacation."

"That doesn't answer any of my questions?-"

"Oh would you look at that! Time to go! You got uni, bye and stop being a cowardly bish!"

WHY AM I LIKE THIS AS A GROWN WOMAN?! WAIT, this is so not okay. Maybe I should listen to some kpop, that'll cool me down. NOPE, too chaotic.

I flopped down on the floor. Okay I need to get my shit together, and go with the flow.

With shaky hands I packed my bag and opened my door only to find my mom. Now this mom looks like my mom but she's only the nice side of my mom. She doesn't get angry at me and she never hit my character growing up.

We went downstairs into the dining area for breakfast. Yay, so important. The fact that this is the new reality started to dawn upon me. This felt so, so real.

Am I ready for this?

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A/n: Hey every one this is Rosie, this is the first time I've tried to pubish a work of mine. This is highly personal because you see I'm a maladaptive daydreamer myself and I wanted to not only spread awareness on the topic but also show people the creativity and the depth of these stories. I hope everyone likes the book, and please share your thoughts. Next chapter would deal with the main character's real life and how this new reality is becoming her new normal. Have a good day!