Theatrics of Life

You were further from me with every breath

Distancing yourself enough that I would chase you

You ran and I followed

Mindfully dismissing the warning signs around me

More concerned with loving you than loving myself

The dilemma I just couldn’t catch you

No matter how hard I pushed myself

One day you slowed down

To my surprise I caught up

Suddenly my hopes became reality

My mind not realizing what was happening

My heart filled with elation that you would let me in

But what happens when I catch up?

Will I be smothered from being in the vicinity of you?

Will I drown from the suffocation of your distaste of me?

Past the formalities and harsh embrace of the stark realization

That I am no more than another person in a sea of past lovers

Your arms are the only place I long to be

So near yet so far

It seems that the closer we get the faster I burn

My love, when it comes to you I will never learn

I would rather burn a thousand times than say goodbye

My opinions do not matter

You decide how this plays out and I allow it

You turn and run and dammit

I JUST CAN’T CATCH YOU

You see me as nothing more than the past

And I love you to my disappointment

More than a person should be allowed to love another person

I cannot force myself to let go though

And you will never let me go completely

Because appraisal is what you seek

And damn if I do not give in every time

Showering you with love, happiness, and the feeling of being wanted

Slowly burning myself out

Becoming nothing more than an empty shell

Giving you my everything and receiving nothing

You see it is obvious to everyone but me

Abuse is another way of keeping me tethered to you

I can’t escape no matter how hard I try

I willingly submit giving you more than I should

The answer I suffocate

Not from being in the vicinity of you

Not from your distaste of me

But rather from the fact that you eventually caught me

Relishing in the fact that I did not fight back

Taking my last breath with your strength

The last things I see is the waning look of satisfaction in your gaze

My final thought is regretfully of you

And how much pain loving you has caused me