Sometimes Vampires Bite

Sometimes Vampires Bite

William S. English

Chapter 1

I guess that no one knows for sure what’s going to happen when you die. For those who believe in the Christian God, they think that they’re going to go to heaven or hell, depending on the kind of life they’ve led. Others believe in reincarnation, and some just think that went the lights go out that final time, that’s all there is to it and nothing more. Nope! I’m sorry to say it doesn’t quite work that way. Don’t get me wrong, when you leave this plane of existence, you are judged according to your beliefs, but technically no heaven or hell, just a new plane of existence. It sounds confusing. Let’s see if I can clarify it a little bit for you.

There are (believe it or not) several parallel worlds next to what we call Earth. Nobody knows for sure just exactly how many, but there are enough to keep death interesting. When you bite the big fuzzy one on Earth, that thing we call the spirit leaves the shell it existed in for however long and moves on to the next world. Stopping long enough to have the life they just lived reviewed and be judged by the Universal Creator. Not a pleasant experience, believe me. When you stand before the big “UC,” he, she, or it reviews everything that you’ve done or have not done in your life and then decides where you’ll go next and pretty much what you’ll do during your new existence. In my case, while I didn’t do anything extraordinarily bad, I didn’t do a lot of good either. I’m still trying to figure that one out, but in any case, I got sent to the Nether Region next to Earth as a Protector of Humanity.

Hey! Don’t judge. I wasn’t keen on the idea either but soon found out that perhaps it was more necessary than you’d think. You know all those stupid stories and legends you hear about Vampires, Werewolves, Demons, and such? Well, it turns out that that they are, for the most part, real, and they reside in the Nether Realm. My job is to keep them there. It seems that they like to sneak back across to Earth and wreak havoc. What do I get out of the deal? Well, that’s a story in itself.

First of all, I get a load of fascinating powers that I’m still not too sure about. A luxurious cave to live in with every imaginable convenience you can think of, and most importantly, my little buddy “Buzzy” the Chihuahua. I had him since he was a puppy, and he lived twenty plus years. I was devastated when he passed over. I not sure why they allowed us to be together here, but I am glad they did. One of the beautiful things about dogs is that they love you back unconditionally when you give them love and affection. Although this time around, while I love Buzzy just as much now as I did, then I’m not too sure about the unconditional part. You see, now he talks to me and expresses his opinions in a weird sort of way. He was my familiar.

For all intents and purposes, I was a wizard, I suppose. Not that it meant a great deal to me. Instead, I favored a comfortable pair of jeans and soft calfskin boots. (I never wore the long robes), with a blue soft velvet pullover with a large collar and a pocket for my smokes that I no longer enjoyed and used very little. The only wizard-like accouterment I absolutely was forced to carry with me was a five and a half foot long wooden staff. Through this, I focused my powers on the relatively large spells that I was sometimes forced to use. This was rare since I preferred to use reason to convince the offending parties to cease what they were doing and go back to where ever their home might be in the Nether Realm. This worked about fifty percent of the time, and the rest of the time, I was forced to turn them into a pile of dust, sending them to the next plane of existence, if there was one for them, which I doubted.

Usually, I spent most of my time in my cave, listening to classical music on the most killer sound system I could bring back from Earth. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that one of my powers was the ability to travel between the two worlds. When he felt like it, Buzzy and I would talk things over or just natter with each other. Occasionally, I would walk through the countryside, admiring the beauty and practicing the lesser of my powers only to keep sharp and able to react instinctively if I needed to. It was a pleasant, quiet existence that I enjoyed since it allowed me to recharge and relax basically. I have to admit that sometimes, I was forced into situations that required me to renew my energy since it wasn’t limitless. Werewolves were always fun to deal with. (I'm sarcastic). First, you had to identify them, then track them. Once you tracked them down, you had to convince them that they needed to head on home or face the consequences.

Most of them just wanted to go back and enjoy some of the things they missed in most cases. Occasionally there were a few who went back to satisfy their bloodlust. These were the most difficult to deal with since they put up a fight. Then you had to trace their victims and either kill them or cure them. Definitely not one of my favorite jobs.

All in all, this existence was pretty fair, except for the fact that my wife wasn’t here. She hadn’t crossed over yet and was still living on the Earth plane. Every once in a while, I would pop over and take a peek to see how she was doing. She was into her seventies now and very lonely. I guess she missed me as much as I missed her. The sad thing was that when she finally crossed over, she too would go before the Big “UC,” and it would be decided as to where she would go and what she would do in her new existence. It was pretty rare that a couple in one plane would be together in the next plane, although if there was great love between the two, you were sometimes allowed to help them across. I was hoping for at least that much. Besides, with the job I was now doing, it wouldn’t do to have someone with you that ultimately be used as a weapon against you. If anything, it was my biggest hope and desire that she be allowed to exist in a place where she could be happy and know peace. She had suffered enough in her life on Earth, and if anyone deserved happiness, it was her.

For my part, I have to admit that existence was reasonably peaceful, and I was content, except when I had to perform my assigned errands. I was usually notified of these in various ways. Sometimes a note would appear in front of my face, or Buzzy would channel a voice telling me what needed to be done. He didn’t particularly like that, and I can’t say that I did either, especially when we were sitting on the couch with me, stroking his back and relaxing while listening quietly to some chamber music. Other times a voice would announce its presence and give me the lowdown on what was happening and what I had to do about it.

Depending on the task, I would make preparations, pack my pack, and leave the cave. I never crossed over from inside the cave, too dangerous. It could provide a path back to my home, and then I’d be in a real pickle if I were attacked. Not that some haven’t tried. On one occasion, a rather nasty Werewolf followed me back across the planes and tracked me to my cave. Fortunately, I have particular wards in place for protection. The entrance is on a cliff face and looks like an old mine shaft. When I walk into it, it takes me directly to my home. If anyone else walks into it, they walk down a small shaft and into a small cavern where they find nothing more than a bed made of straw and a few wooden pegs with robes and old leather bags hanging from them. It didn’t look like much more than a hole to crawl into, which is what it was supposed to look like, but there was a big difference. If you were there to do me harm, it would teleport you at least a thousand miles away and erase all memory of how you found it in the first place. If you were a friend, a small bell would ring in my cave, and I would check to see who it was, and if I wanted to visit with them, I would enter the cavern and lead them across to my cave. I didn’t have too many visitors, and those who did were excellent friends.

It was on one such day, just when Buzzy and I were sitting down at the dining room table to have some dinner when the bell rang.

Sighing, I waved my hand in the air in front of my face and produced a view of the outer cavern to see who stood there, and was confronted with the image of Angus the Scot, my Friend, and sometime compatriot.

“Angus!” I shouted, projecting my image into the cavern. “How good of you to come to visit. It has been a long time.”

“Aye,” he replied, smiling at me. “ I hope that I haven’t worn out my welcome here.”

“Of course not. You’ll always be welcome here.”

“You wouldn’t be having a wee dram about so that I can wet my throat, would you?”

“I think that I can conjure up something to your liking, old friend,” I said as I reached out and pulled him into my home. “What brings you so far from your home?” I asked him as he sat on my comfortable couch.

“Well now,” he started. “That’s a story in itself. I was sitting to dinner in the great hall and about to take a bite out of a lovely shank of beef when all of a sudden, a great voice from nowhere said that I drop everything immediately and come find you.”

“Here you go,” I said, handing him a tumbler of the best Scotch I could conjure. “It’s a nice single malt, about one hundred and fifty years old.”

“Aye, Lad.” He said, taking the glass in his massive paw of a hand. “That will do nicely, thank you.”

“Sounds to me, like it has been a while since you’ve had a decent meal also. Anything, in particular, you’d like to have to eat?”

“No, Lad, but make it hearty. I have a feeling that we’ve some serious business ahead of us. The Universal Creator isn’t saying much, but I think that’s because he wants to talk to us both at the same time.”

“Well,” I said, “here’s hoping that he’ll let us finish eating first.” With that, I invited Angus to the table as I conjured up a large slab of Prime Rib with a stuffed baked potato and a huge tankard of Ale for him.

“Now that’s a meal.” He said as he began to consume the enormous piece of meat and drink the Ale. “You always serve the best table in the realm, and I thank you for it.”

“Only the best for my friend,” I replied. With that, we ate our dinner mixed with small talk of Angus family and children and what they were up to. Things had been slow from what I could gather, and he had been able to get his crops planted and harvested without difficulty. His wife, who had died at the same time he did on the earthly plane, was in the midst of redecorating their home and making him slightly crazy since his household consisted of a castle with a moat.

As we sat there, finishing our meal, and enjoying a final glass of wine, Buzzy came into the room and jumped up on one of the chairs.

“A message from the Big UC,” he stated as he looked at both of us.

“Guardian of the planes, Warrior of the planes,” came a deep voice from Buzzy’s mouth. “There is a matter which requires your attention immediately. The boundaries of the planes of existence have been breached from within. This cannot be allowed. The drinkers of blood are pouring onto the earthly plane and must be stopped. They seek to increase their numbers on the physical plane and ultimately in our realm. They seek control here and elsewhere. This must not be allowed to happen. You are to travel to their home place and investigate and resolve the issue.” With that, Buzzy jumped off the chair and went to the couch, where he laid down and went to sleep.

“Whew,” exploded Angus. “He never gives us anything easy to deal with, does he?”

“No, he doesn’t,” I said. “I think that this is one that we must be extremely prepared for. Not only do we need special weapons should the need arise, but we must refresh our memories concerning the etiquette of dealing with Vampires.”

“Vampires? Is that what you call them?” Asked Angus.

“What do you call them?” I asked.

“The undead, of course.”

“We call them that also,” I answered, “But Vampire is an old name from a different part of the Earthly realm, where we believed they originated. We had no idea that they came from this plane of existence. You must remember that they are always hungry for humans’ red blood and that they have powers that may sometimes rival my own. They also have a specific set of etiquette rules, which must be followed, or everything goes to hell in a handcart. In the meantime, let us get armed.” With that, I waved my hand in the air, and we both transported to an arms room specific to Vampires.

“Wizard,” exclaimed Angus, “You never cease to amaze me. You have an Armory for every occasion.”

“There are many rooms, Angus,” I replied. I try to be prepared for all events that I might encounter. In the meantime, the first thing that I think we need to get is a set of Gorcets for our necks. Vampires can suck the blood from any part of your body, but they prefer the neck because the blood flows the easiest there.”

Going over to the rack that held the neck protectors, I chose one for Angus that I thought would fit him comfortably and then took one for myself. Both seemed like a soft leather that buckled in the back of the neck but was as hard as steel should anything try to puncture or cut it. Next came a varied assortment of weapons, starting with daggers and swords whose blades had been inlaid with the purest of silver. The old-fashioned wooden stake works, but silver gets them every time, and you don’t have to be as precise with it as you do with a wooden stake. Besides, if you take their heads, they go all sparkly and burn up like a piece of steel wool all at once. Yes, we carry wooden stakes as a backup, but only for emergencies—finally, the old standby, Holy Water. The difference is that I like to bring it in spray bottles that you can adjust the nozzle from stream to mist. I’m not sure as to how holy it is, but I know it works. The added ability to be able to adjust the flow of it gives better accuracy and, at the same time, makes it available for close-in fighting if necessary. Finally, while on a recent trip back to Earth, I had stopped at an old Army Surplus Store I knew of and picked up a couple of cases of MRE’s (Meals Ready to Eat) with the heater packs in them. Eat just one of those puppies, and you have enough energy to go an entire day if needed. I put five of these in each pack and warned Angus that if he ate more than once a day, he’d have gas from hell. He just smiled at me. And with that, we were ready to go and find out what was going on with the Vamps.

After checking to ensure that we had everything we needed, I cast a simple spell that carried us to the outer cave where we began our journey. I suppose that I could have cast a spell to send us directly to the Vampire Territory, but that would have been the height of bad manners under their etiquette code. We wouldn’t have gotten anywhere, finding out the information we needed. Instead, we walked out of the cave and proceeded about a mile in a northerly direction. Finally, we stopped, and I cast a spell that would take us directly to the very edge of their territory where we would walk in.

Before us, stood the edge of a beautiful green forest where the trees stood tall with thick green canopies that blocked out the sun. As we walked, I noticed that it got darker the deeper we went into the woods. Finally, it was almost dark as night, and I was forced to cast a bright light from my staff’s head so that we could see where we were going. After traveling for almost a mile and a half, I sensed movement off to our left and stopped as we walked.

“Greetings to you who have found us,” I called out, following the established Vampire etiquette.

“Greetings to you,” came a voice out of the darkness. “Are you prey? Or do you have business in our realm, wizard?”

“We have business with your High Leader, considerate one,” I replied. “Business ordered by the Universal Creator.”

“ I see,” came the voice. “Follow the path before you. I shall inform him of your coming.”

“My thanks to you, kind one,” I replied.

With that, we began our travels forward, following a path that suddenly appeared before us.

“I’m not so sure that I like this.” Grumbled Angus.

“Be silent, Angus!” I snapped. “It is the height of good manners we follow here. They could have attacked us if we did not recognize their presence.”

Angus said no more, and we continued to follow the path before us until we came to a broad set of doors. Following the Vampire protocol, I took my staff’s end and rapped three times slowly and then waited for a response. After waiting a few minutes, I once again rapped on the door three times slowly and waited. After a few moments, the doors slowly opened to reveal a man dressed in what was obviously the uniform of a doorman.

“Greetings,” he said to us. “How may I be of service to you?”

“Greetings to you, noble sir,” I replied. “The Universal Creator has sent us to consult with your master on a matter of grave concern.”

“Invite them to enter,” came a deep voice from the darkness of the room.

“Kind sir,” said the doorman. “I invite you formally into our realm to speak with my master.”

“I thank you, kind sir,” I said as we moved forward into the chamber that was suddenly brightly lit, showing columns on either side with several people standing between them. At the end of the room was s sizeable throne-like chair, and sitting on it was the Master of the Vampire Realm, the Vampire known as Titus.

“Greetings to you, Lord Titus,” I said bowing slightly, “may we have your permission to approach you?”

“Tell me, wizard, are you armed?”

“As Envoys of the Universal Creator, we are always armed, Lord. However, since we seek only to consult with you, I do not believe that there is any need for unpleasantness.”

“For this consultation would you be willing to sacrifice your thrall to our hunger?” he asked with a slight smile on his lips.

Suddenly feeling a certain tension and expectation in the air, I gripped my staff tighter and replied. “My companion is no thrall, but a Lord of his realm, warrior, and my friend.”

“Loyalty to a friend is a mighty thing, even in these halls,” he said, smiling fully. “Approach and let us talk.”

With that, we moved forward to just in front of the massive chair he sat upon.

“Now,” he said, “what brings you here?” He asked.

“With your permission,” I began. “The Universal Creator has sent me to enquire upon a matter of grave importance that may or may not be of grave importance to you also.”

“Speak, wizard.” He said. “What concerns the Universal Creator and my realm concerns me also.”

“Just so,” I replied. The Universal Creator came to me in my realm and instructed me to investigate a matter of Vampires crossing over to the earthly realm and creating havoc.”

With that, Titus let out a hiss, and his face took on a terrible countenance. “We are aware of the problem, and you have my oath that it is none of my people here in this realm. We also have heard of this matter, and I have investigated it thoroughly. You have my permission to cast a truth spell in these halls if you doubt my oath.”

“Your oath carries weight with me, Master Titus. In the past, when we have had to deal with one another, your word and oath have always been true. I see no reason now to cast a truth spell in these halls and sully the trust we have held for each other.”

“I thank you, wizard. Your words of trust are soothing to me during a time of concern. As I stated, I have investigated this matter as thoroughly as possible and found nothing amiss.”

I felt somewhat relieved to hear this and a bit frightened. Master Titus’s investigations generally include dismemberment and a great deal of pain.

“I would ask of your wisdom if you have come up with a theory as to this matter?” I said.

“The only possibility that I can think of is that they come from a different plane of existence from this one.” He replied, looking grim.

Suddenly a bright ball of light appeared between us, and a loud, deep voice came forth. “This matter is of grave concern to me, Titus.” Came the voice of the Universal Creator. “Assign your most trusted to aide the wizard and Lord Angus in finding answers. I will grant him or her the ability to walk in the light but bear in mind that the treachery inherent in your souls must never come forth with these two, or I will remove this gift immediately.”

“I hear and obey, oh great one,” replied Titus as the ball of light faded to nothingness. “Calista,” he called out. “Come forth, I require you.”

With that, there suddenly appeared next to Lord Titus, a beautiful girl of undetermined age. “Yes, my lord, I am here at your call.”

“By the command of the Universal Creator, you are to go with the wizard and his companion to help solve the problem of the interlopers. You are to keep you Vampire nature in check with these two at all times or suffer the wrath of the Universal Creator, who gives you the ability to walk in the daylight of this plane and the earthly plane. Wizard, this is my most trusted child. I ask that you protect her as you would one of your own.”

“Master Titus, you have my oath to protect her as though she were my own child.”