Prologue
I never saw this red before as it started getting everywhere. On my knuckles, on his face, on his shirt, .
The red of his blood.
He wasn't debating and I was beyond enraged. So when my words slipped, I didn't even acknowledge them at first.
"You killed him" I had cried out for the world to hear as I gave him another one, hitting harder at each try. "You killed him, you left him there to root, you fucking took him away from me." I screamed out hysterically.
Monsters were monsters for a reason and they couldn't change.
At least, that's what I thought until then.
You do realize that nothing makes a kid want to read a novel more then “18 years and over only!!! Kids stay way!” Lol! At least that’s how my sixteen year old brain used to react. 🤣
Good first chapter. I do think it needs to be ran through an editor, and definitely remove << >> as that is super offputting. However, the action was there. The tension was there. The buildup was there. You have some amazing puzzle pieces in place and I cant wait to see what else there is.
first, I want to thank you for asking me to read your story. I love reading but never had gumption to make a story myself. I give you credit for taking the time to put this together. I read all the above comments and don't want to feel like a broken record. please sit with someone and have them read it to you, you'll find the grammar mistakes easier that way. I recommend that you use less words to convey the same meaning. I'll give you an example: you wrote "he looked at me with a sudden astonishment before I deserved him a fairly deserved hit, sending the side of his face to the ground as it collided against it." what you could've said "he looked astonised before I delivered a well deserved hit as the side of his face collided with the ground."
I truly feel once you've edited and corrected the grammar/spelling, your readers will become more glued to the story. people want fluid reading. if there's too many errors, then the reader has a hard time staying on track with the story. I cant wait for the update and please keep me posted. you rock!!!