What is your opinion?
🎶 Walking on Madness ...And Don’t it Feel Good? 🎶
"Lonnie Heart would do anything for her large and indulgent family. Born as the middle child among her eight siblings, she is used to making all sorts of sacrifices for them. That is, until her mother announces that she is pregnant with baby number nine. Oh and by the way, daddy just lost his job. It’s all too much for Lonnie. She runs out of the house feeling trapped with debt and responsibility. How will she ever be able to afford college and become independent herself, if all her money must continually go to supporting her family? That is when her best friend Claire makes an interesting suggestion. Why not get a job at the Prison site? Claire works there, and makes ten thousand dollars a month doing exactly ...what? Lonnie decides it doesn’t matter. Right this feels like the perfect solution. But as the company eagerly offers her a job, without even requesting an interview, Lonnie begins to wonder. What will she be required to sacrifice this time? And will this sacrifice become a fatal one? Wonderful premise for a novel. I certainly was never bored while reading. Lonnie’s frustrations are easily relatable and her no-nonsense personality was refreshing. You can tell that she is not easily fooled or manipulated. An interesting protagonist for what is bound to be a dangerous job. My only very minor complaint is that I’d like to read some physical descriptions about the characters. I picture Lonnie as a long haired brunette with hard features and and her friend Claire as a blonde. But I won’t know for sure unless author NoFuses gives me the correct interpretation. Lol. Otherwise an interesting story that again reminds us of the dangers of getting exactly what you wished for. "
Well done
"Short first chapter but still very direct and straight to the point. The writer shows her writing has evolved over the years and keeps getting better"
Caught My Attention.
"This story is very exciting, I am quite interested to know what happens next. Besides a few grammar and spelling errors, the story was quite good. I'll be waiting for the next chapter."
Good start!
"So far is good! You have a lot of potential. You are in what way you have to take the story which is a good thing but I suggest (and it’s only a suggestion ☺️) instead of revealing all the problems and twist at the very beginning save it for later. That will hook the reader. Right now I know how the story is going to go so it doesn’t interest me much. Maybe you are going to add few some twists later ( if that’s the case it’s all good) 2) writing style is good. How you have tried to convey the emotion through but try to add some pauses and inner dialogue more. So we can get to know the character more. Keep writing. Cant wait for more. ❤️❤️ Love, Kizzy! "
