What is your opinion?
Review
"As the previous review said, I'll say you use the word 'as' a lot. That's something I used to do when I was a newbie writer, and ir made the whole sentence sound kinda abnormal. And the plot is just fine, though I'd suggest you to use cliffhangers at the end of every chapter to keep the readers hooked. And, look into the grammar a bit, sweetheart. There are some mistakes. Hope you'll keep reading my story, and I'll be reading yours, love."
Running into you
"I can't offer an opinion on the plot so soon, though as you are already four chapters into the story, I'd suggest speeding things up a bit or at least add some "explosive" event to start with. On the technical side of things, there are quite a few grammar mistakes. You should pick a tense and stick to it, as, in some chapters, you jump between present to past simple. Also, you seem to repeat the word "as" a lot. At some point, I counted 4 within a couple of lines. See your opening paragraph for an example of this. Finally, when different people speak, their dialogue bits should be in different paragraphs. Sometimes you do this, but a lot of the time you just jumble everything into the same paragraph. It's quite hard to understand which character is talking like that. I hope these comments help you somewhat."
