The Night Hunt

I think karma came seeking for me because I didn't respect the code. The girl code learned from middle school days when we first put down our picture books and swapped them out for romance novels.

Never date your best friend's ex. Even if a long time has passed since they broke up. Even if she cheated on him and accused him of being an asshole. Even if deep down, you got to know the true him, knew everything she ever said about him was a lie to cover up her own shallowness and deceit.

Even if he ends up being your soul mate.

The code is not to be violated, it's not to be disrespected, it's there so that we respect our friendships, our sisterhood.

But there came a time for me when I realized I didn't really care about losing Anastasia DaSilva as a friend. Dating her ex and falling deeply in love with him never felt like a violation of our friendship. I'd realized Annie had never been a friend to me, not ever.

Our friendship began in our elementary school days, when exchanging candy and cute Hello Kitty pencils was all that was needed to create a strong bond. Annie had been the new girl in our second grade class, and I remember we were all so fascinated and envious that her mother let her go to school in party dresses and huge glittery bows in her hair. She was even allowed to wear lip gloss, something our seven year old minds thought was extremely amazing.

I was a quiet little girl. I had friends but didn't yet have a coveted "best friend". Even at that young age, I wasn't confident enough to stand out, to make the other little girls want to sit next to me at recess or exchange dolls with me. I was always at the fringe of things until for whatever reason, Annie chose me to be her "bff forever".

Pretty, adorable Annie DaSilva choosing me as her best friend at seven years old cemented a friendship that would span decades, as we moved from the sweet elementary years, to the mean girl middle school moments, into the uncertain high school years and finally into the hopeful and whirlwind college years we were in now.

And I can truthfully say...I wish Annie had never looked at me back when we were little girls, had never declared to the rest of the second graders that Emily Silverlake was her best friend forever.

I didn't like Annie then, and I didn't like her even up to the last day I spoke to her, the day of the car crash that killed her, the day when she discovered I was fucking her ex boyfriend for months.

"How could you do this to me, Em!" she'd cried over the phone, her voice shaking with rage. "You know everything I went through with Oscar! You know how he destroyed me, how disgusting he was to me!"

I didn't tell her I knew this wasn't true. I didn't tell her I'd come to know Oscar Barrow as well as I knew myself. That he was never disgusting to her.

"He cheated on me! He stole from me! He even accused me of plagiarizing one of his essays and reported me to the Office of Student Conduct! If it weren't for my parent's talking to the administrators, I would have been kicked out!"

I didn't tell her I knew Oscar never cheated on her. She'd only accused him of it to justify getting drunk and sleeping with his best friend. He'd never stolen from her either. She'd been hooked on oxycontin and he'd removed pills from her bag on a night she was dead drunk, scared she'd overdose if she took them after all the vodka she'd consumed.

The only thing true in her words was that he had reported her for plagiarism, when she'd submitted- word for word- a British Lit essay he'd written, trying to pass it off as her own. He'd only reported her because it was an essay that had garnered him excellent marks, and she'd turned it into to the exact professor he'd handed it to the previous semester. He didn't want to risk academic suspension or worse, expulsion, even if it meant ratting out his own girlfriend.

No, I didn't tell her all I knew. Instead, I silently let her berate me over the phone.

"You're a bitch, Emily! All our friends have been telling me what a fucking bitch you are but I've ignored it. Let it go. Because we've been friends since we were babies. But how do you expect me to let this go? HOW? Tell me!"

"I didn't mean for you to find out this way, Annie", I remember saying, my words low and stuttering because even though I was pretty sure I hated her, she still intimidated me.

"Find out this way? Or find out at all? God, you're so pathetic. Always sniffing after my leftovers. My leftover makeup, my leftover clothes, even my god damn leftover food, you fat bitch. And now you're sniffing after the leftover smell of my pussy, going after my ex! Who you know I still have feelings for!"

I remember holding the cell phone away from my ear, wondering why I didn't have the strength to hang up on her. Why? Her toxicity was nothing new, she'd been talking to me like trash since we were small.

"I still have feelings for Oscar, even after all he did to me. And honestly? We were taking a break. Oh, I bet he never told you that, huh? Never told you how he calls me every day, begging me to take him back!"

There was no way he was calling her every day. Oscar was deep into his studies, same as all of us in our last semester at university. Only Annie spent her time partying nights and sleeping in days, hardly a care in the world since she was rich and was only in college to please her parents, not because she had any interest in earning a degree. Oscar, like me, didn't have rich parents or an inheritance to fall back on. Earning top scores in order to graduate top of his class and guarantee a place in Columbia University was a priority for him.

And when he wasn't intensely studying, he was with me. I'd insisted on keeping our relationship secret, to spare Annie's feelings-and her wrath. Our secrecy meant we had to either meet up at hotels or sneak off to have our dates in the next town over. I'd know if he was calling Annie, but beyond knowing that, I trusted Oscar.

He was in love with me.

Annie mistook my silence as an acknowledgement of her words.

"Wow, Emily. He really has you fooled. Just like he did with me. I'd feel sorry for you if I wasn't so disgusted".

I don't remember what I said next, only that it was words to the effect of not wanting to fight with her and could we talk about it some other time. It was late, and I had class the next day. The last thing I wanted to do was spend the night fighting with Annie over the phone.

"Bitch, we need to talk face to face about this! I'm going over to your place right now to pick you up. And then? We're going over to Oscar's to confront him on how he's playing us!"

"Annie, no. No. Oscar doesn't need this kind of drama. Look, I'll meet up with you for coffee tomorrow and I'll explain everything. I'm sorry you're hurt but it's not what you think..."

"Oh no way, fuck that. We are meeting TONIGHT, Emily. Oscar is going to have to choose between us TONIGHT. And trust me, it won't be YOU he picks!" she seethed.

She hung up the phone on me and sure, I could have called her back. Put my foot down and told her not to bother to come. That I was too mature for this kind of stupidity. That I knew what I had with Oscar.

But...a part of me had wanted to face her with Oscar. See her face when he clearly chose me. See her face when I told her that our friendship was over.

See her face when I told her I hated her and always had.

And I think it was those feelings- those dark feelings- that lured karma out, that force intent on creating harmony and exacting justice where it was lacking.

My best friend died that night.

It was then that karma-as well as a force much more sinister- was well and truly after me.