What is your opinion?
Truly Amazingly Captured
"I am extremely shocked at how well the essence of a teenager's pain is captured. I absolutely love how accurate and painful this is. When I get sad, I will probably read this every time! As this author is not the type to express emotionally, this is an extremely well done job."
Should have been longer...
"Hi Nick, As a survivor of depression and the deep blackness which it manifests, I couldn't help but read this work. It's quite simplistic overall, but it manages to convey at least some of the emotion that is involved in both depressive thought and suicidal behaviour. I gave it four stars for several reasons, and I'll list them in turn. The overall rating: The story was too short, too simplistic. It didn't manage to convince me that the teenager had any good reason to be depressed. I know this is often the case with depression - there is sometimes little or no reason, but I felt, if the story had been fleshed out more, it would have been much more convincing. The plot: Though the plot was reasonably well thought out, again I found little motivation for the teen's depression. See above. Writing style: Emotive writing can be extremely difficult. I needed to feel the teenager's pain much more than I did. Though the writing is competent, it lacked the feeling required to make this a serious work about the subject of depression. Technical skills: Two obvious mistakes, which are easily fixed. You need a beta reader. Writing is an acquired skill, a craft that requires practice and experience like any other. Keep practising, and you'll improve a lot. Having said all that, I understand why you wrote this. Please don't be disheartened by my frank review. I did like your story, and if you need a beta reader in future, don't hesitate to drop me a line. Thanks for posting, I look forward to reading more of your work. Cheers mate, from a fellow Aussie. Laz."
Depression described well
"I actually didn't expect it would end that way. This is my second experience of reading a story about a depressive person. I could easily sympathize with depressive characters because my best friend claimed that she is sometimes in that state. I like how simple yet deep the message you delivered is. I bet this can be a motivational story for students who felt depressed. Anyway, I found a weird sentence on the 5th paragraph. "I never thought I was capable of it, but I know I'm not dream as I lie on my side, ..." Isn't supposed to be like this? "I never thought I was capable of doing it, but I know I'm not dreaming,..." I also think your first line is not 'eye-catching' enough. Maybe you can consider adding a better first line? Well, but that's what I think. Just do what you think is best for your story :) Regards, Kei Angelus"
