Memoir 1: Abused
I felt so incredibly sad. I was thinking about old memories, old non-fiction tales which were floating in my mind. Not even tales, it was more like fragments of an ancient event, and it wasn’t even that long time ago. But it felt like it was coming from another period.
The grip around my neck was sudden, just like the punch in my face. He had convinced me to make love with him, and I agreed even though I felt a bit awkward. Maybe he noticed I felt uncomfortable, I don’t know, but the harsh grip and the sudden punch made my body completely freeze and I couldn’t even move any longer. I stopped to move out of fear.
When my body reacted in that way he seemed to be even madder. Several more punches in my face and when my tears started to flow, his moves just became more aggressive. I just tried to hold back my tears and was taking whatever he made me do.
A year later he tried to contact me again. I had been struggling to sleep at night, had terrible flashbacks, and was reacting like a wild animal on certain moves that were similar to the incident a year ago.
I pushed the “block user”-button and decided to move on. Although he did apologize, it would never cure my fears.
Tonight was one of those nights again, and I got up to tell one fragment of my story. And I hope I won’t regret it.
This was only one fragment of what kind of life I was living at the time.
THE INNER FEELING
The inner feeling
In which they are hidden
There’s no power of healing
The things that are forbidden
A little, tiny, very small
Peeking through the wall
Short, not very tall
The most whimsical of us all
Power we cannot see
The ghastly things are up for a walk
The prisoners are we
Suddenly we’re not able to talk
A dried fiend,
A false end,
At least it can make us understand
All the faces we won’t see
All the places in which we cannot be
For all, we can’t make ourselves free.
