Re-do

The blood dripped down my wrist. It was warm. My mind and vision became fuzzy.

I dropped the kitchen knife to my side as I knelt down. The feeling of sleep was now overwhelming. Like when you're trying to finish the last episode of a series at 3am but even more intense.

I gave in. I laid down as comfortable as I could and closed my eyes. Hopefully now I'll have peace, unless God exists and I'm going to hell. I felt a smirk on my face at the thought.

Any other hell would be better than this...

Suddenly everything went dark and just as suddenly a bright light appeared? I couldn't move. It was as if I was trapped in a cave, a dark squishy cave. The walls of the cave started contracting, helping me move out.

As I was nearing the exit I heard a voice. "Push! I can see the head." A man's voice boomed.

Push? Push what?

"I can't! It's too hard!" That voice I knew all too well. Mom...

"You can do it honey. Just one more big push." And that was dad.

What kind of sick dream is this? One that feels very real, I must say. And who knew getting born was so uncomfy.

"It hurts so much! I can't!" My mother cried out. I almost felt bad for her.

"Just one more push. You can do it." The other voice said, I can safely assume it was the doctor.

I felt the walls push me out harder. My head broke through the whole and the rest of my body came out not long after.

"Congratulations. You have a beautiful baby girl." The doctor said as he held me. I couldn't quite make out what he looked like. My vision was still a little blurry.

"She's so cute." My mother cried as she was handed me. "I think we should name her Leela." My father whole heartedly agreed. Okay, seems nothing has changed so far. I still have the same name. But I swear I will not allow them to ruin me this time around.

We drove home the same day I was delivered. No car seat so I sat in my mother's lap.

I wonder how this all happened. I'm not really complaining. I tried killing myself to escape my life or the life my parents forced on me. But it seems I get a do over.

When we got home, lots of my family members were waiting there. Both my grandmother's. Aunts and uncles, a few cousins. All of them faffing over cute baby me. "She's a little plump. Hopefully she grows out of it." My grandmother commented.

"Ah, the first thing my grandmother says to me is a body shaming comment. Nice." I tried rolling my eyes but I guess I don't have much control over my body yet.

The rest of my family had relatively nice things to say. Mostly my cheeks were being pinched.

They didn't stay long. Maybe about an hour before everyone left. My mother tried breast feeding me again. She tried at the hospital but it felt weird drinking breast milk from my mother's boob. She tried forcing her nipple into my mouth but I spat it out every time.

"Oh no! Why can't I do this? Why isn't she feeding? I'm a terrible mother!"

Yes you are. Now give me up for adoption! Right now it seems like I am being a bit harsh. My parents haven't wronged me yet. But I promise you give it time.

That night when mom wasn't doting on me I tried speaking. I was able to but my voice was so strange. I didn't like it at all. Besides, if i started talking now as a baby it might raise some alarms. Best wait until I'm older.

I started training my mom to the different sounds I made. I'm not able to walk or even sit up right so no choice but to shit my pants. When I was hungry I made a high pitched "e" sound, pooped or full nappy I made an owl like sound and just full on cried when something was wrong.

It didn't take mom too long to pick up on the different sounds and meanings. "It's as if she's communicating with me. She makes different sounds for when she wants different things." My mom said a few weeks after I started implementing my methods.

"You two have such a strong connection."Dad commented. I rolled my eyes. "Look, she's rolling her eyes at me. So cheeky." He said, pinching my cheeks. I waved his hand out of my face.

My baby years were really nothing to write home about. Overly doting parents because I'm cute and squishy. Just wait until I hit puberty.

When I was able to support my own head, I started reading. My parents thought I was just mimicking what I saw and left me to "read", never thought too much of it. Even stole some of my older cousins school books and taught myself concepts that I was never able to grasp in high school. Baby brains are sponges, now would be the perfect time to learn new skills.

When I was studying I did so in secret. I kept all my study notes and research hidden. Wouldn't be a good idea if my parents found me (a two year old) practicing calculus.

By the time I reached five, I was easily on university level.