What is your opinion?
So Cool!
"This is so cool! A story with the protagonist and his side kick going on an adventure to meet different kind of creatures is my cup of tea. lance is a great character and easy to love. You have done so well with the way you have written him and his interactions with the other characters. This a story for all! If you're a fan of vampires, you'll find them here; if you're a fan of witches, you'll find them here etc.... This should be a bestseller!"
Yes this is what I've been wanting
"I would say this is a great book. The chapters are a bit long but who doesn't like those right. I love the main character and his trusted side kick. The author did this story right"
Fun take on the supernatural
"I did enjoy the story and was pleasantly surprised at how well the mystery flowed. I also enjoyed most of the character development, though my personal like not so much. It’s important that you place appropriate tags and warnings. Particularly when writing about adult themes and content. And especially with trauma triggers like r*pe. You did deal with it all tastefully for the most part and I thank you for that. Another slightly annoying thing I would caution you about as a writer myself, would be descriptive word choices. You want your readers to dive in and imagine the world you created. You want them to read smoothly from beginning to end. A handful of descriptions jarred against that flow. All in all, I really enjoyed this world and the overall fun nature of many of the characters. Wouldn’t mind reading another adventure with Lance and Puck. Could be a great detective series. "
Interesting
"First, it is quite an interesting read, and I will tell you why. The story follows the main protagonist, Lance, who goes on a mission in Kansas City. I have to say the general parts of his character are very much down to earth and thought out. He is generally humble and thoughtful, has showings of anxiety and struggles with life. His thoughts and such, even the ones you wouldn't say out loud to anyone, seem to fit the scenario. The story itself is fun and has a great mix of modern paranormal and realistic situations. I like the character dynamic with Lance and the other characters. The part with him and Leanan and their part of the story was well versed in explanation, especially, the reactions emotionally he has toward her later on after events unfold. Things that I think could be improved on is maybe having some more relatable male characters. I don't really see a trope as much with the paranormal aspect, as you have included different variations of vampires, sorcerers/wizards/mage and witches, but you do have one male main character who is surrounded by many good-looking females throughout the whole story. There is Green and Eddy, but they aren't as prominent throughout as the other female characters. He officially ended up kissing most the female characters as well, which, I thought was a little odd and sometimes unnecessary. I can tell the gist of the story has been edited-that this isn't the first exact draft, but I did find some errors. More so in the earlier chapters, you have a bunch of longer paragraphs and some run-on sentences. I think the most prominent error in your writing was the use of commas or lack of them. Some areas had two mashed sentences put together when, instead of a comma, should have been a period. Also, when starting dialogue, it always needs to be capitalized. There were a few instances when the beginning of the dialogue was lower case. One other thing about grammar, is the use of show, don't tell. I think going back and changing up the wording for some of the reactions can help give an extra OOMPH to the story. One way to do this is to show what is happening vs telling. A small example would be: "No!" Cassandra says angrily. Instead, you could put: Cassandra balls her hands into fists, "No!" In the later chapters, you seemed to show rather than tell, which is good, but the first half of your story I think could be edited to better suit this! So far, though, this has been the first story I have read that has been edited to a greater degree. This story, despite some grammar errors, didn't make me stop reading or have to go back and re-read half the chapter to realize something or whether I missed something like others I have read. This story has a continuous flow, and I like that. If you are looking for a paranormal short story, I recommend reading this. Gives a fresher point on modern paranormal fantasy."
Secrets and Shadows
"Overall, I really liked the story. Fun and whimsical. I thought Frost and Puck were great characters. I agree that our detective needs to show off his detective skills a little more but other than that -- it was fun to read. Great job!"
