The Hopeless Romantic
Nina anxiously stared at the gray bubbles that jumped up and down in the chat bar on the bottom of her laptop screen. They were mocking her, knowing she waited expectantly for Zane’s answer. Would he agree to take the next step? Would he quit his job and move to Texas to be with her?
“Ahhhhh!” Nina screamed when she felt a hand clamped down on her shoulder.
“Calm down, spaz,” Nina’s older brother Nelson taunted as she tried to catch her breath. “If you weren’t in here exchanging pornographic images of yourself to strange men online, then you would’ve heard me enter the house.
Nina angrily slammed the lid of her laptop shut. Partly because her brother entered her house without her permission and because she would have to wait a bit longer to find out the fate of her relationship.
“I’m not that stupid,” Nina huffed.
“Says the woman who sold pictures of her feet online to pay for college,” he snorted before jumping over the back of the couch, landing right next to Nina.
“It was pictures of feet, not my pussy. At least I don’t have student loans to pay back. I can’t say that for everyone,” she coyly replied, lightly poking Nelson in the rib with her elbow.
“You don’t have to rub it in. I might have to take a page out of your book and whore myself out over the Internet.”
“Not to cut this short, but what are you over here for? And another thing, your key is for emergencies. You can’t just come up in here any time you want. What if I have company?”
“I rang your doorbell several times.”
“No, you didn’t. I would’ve heard it.”
“I surely did. Either your doorbell is broken, or the sexting is so great that your “boyfriend” had you in a trance.”
“For the last time, I wasn’t sexting, and I wasn’t sending nude photos of myself,” Nina sighed. She rubbed her temples, trying to stave off the headache that was slowly creeping in, courtesy of her twin brother.
“I could tell y’all was up to something no good by your ugly posture and the way your nose was almost touching the screen.”
“It’s none of your business.”
“You look stressed, NiNi. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Fine. I’ll tell you. No judgment though,” Nina warned.
“Girl, I’m gay. That comes with the territory. Now, spill the tea,” Nelson demanded, eagerly tapping his stiletto nails together that could easily pierce flesh.
Nina took a deep breath, put on her big girl panties, and confessed.
“I asked Zane if he would move in with me,” Nina rushed out.
Nelson sucked his teeth and began picking underneath his nails.
“Nelly? Nelly?”
“Hmmm? I’m here. You know what Mama always said. If you don’t have nothing nice to say, then don’t say nothing at all.”
“I knew I shouldn’t have said anything,” Nina growled, slapping her hands on her thighs.
“No, I’m glad you came forward. This gives me the opportunity to talk you out of making the worst decision of your life.”
“I think you’re overreacting.”
“I am not overreacting, and if you don’t trust me, then ask Chase. This is a big mistake. You don’t know this man from Adam. What if he’s an ax murderer? What if he’s catfishing you, and he’s not who he claims to be? What if he’s lacking down there?”
Nina rolled her eyes at Nelson’s last question, but it was a valid concern. People could say it’s not about the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean until they turned blue in the face, but realistically there were some sex positions that not all boats would be able to achieve without a little bit of hang time. How would one even evict a guy with a little dick? Hey, you’re amazing, but…that thang ain’t thanging. Obviously, Nina would have to produce another excuse.
“Look, we would both agree I’m a pretty good judge of character, right?”
“You’ve had your moments.”
Nina stared at her brother with a deadpanned look on her face.
“Okay, okay, typically, you’re an amazing judge of character, but this isn’t one of those moments. There are soooooo many red flags in this so-called relationship. Girl, I think Khloe and Tristan have fewer red flags than this. Bow your head for a moment of silence for our dickmatized sister.”
Nina and Nelson dropped their heads and silently prayed for Khloe’s healing and deliverance, wishing her nothing but the best.
“Okay, back to me. I’ve been talking to Zane for eight months, and I think what we have is real, and I’m willing to take a chance.”
“I see you…we see each other; however, don’t you think a meet and greet is necessary before you take that leap of faith?”
“Wouldn’t that just defeat the whole purpose of the mail-order experience? Back in the day, all the couples had were letters.”
“Bitch, it’s the 2020s, not the 1920s.”
“I’m honestly shocked you got the time period right,” Nina confessed.
“You shouldn’t be. I’m the smartest between the two of us.”
Nina rolled her eyes and refused to argue. There was no point.
“We don’t have to send letters through snail mail to communicate. Matter fact, you can FaceTime. Have y’all done that?”
“No, Zane said the experience would be more meaningful and exciting without the constant face-to-face interaction. Plus, he’s frequently traveling for business.”
“Lord, gimme back my prayer for Khloe because my sister needs it more.”
“You’re an idiot. Get out.”
“Fine. I’ll be taking my leave. I don’t stay where I’m not wanted,” Nelson sighed, standing to his feet.
Nina’s shoulders slumped in defeat. She hated disappointing her brother. He was her rock, her confidant, and her overall go-to person. At one point in their lives, Nelson lovingly earned the nickname “Mr. Fix-It” because he was always coming to Nina’s rescue or resolving her problems, but she was an adult now and needed to stand on her own two feet.
Nina met Nelson at the door to say goodbye.
“Hey…I appreciate the concern. You might see me as desperate-
“There’s no might about it. I do.”
“Thanks for that. As I was saying, you see me as desperate, but I like him, and I know it sounds crazy,” Nina rushed out, praying her brother wouldn’t interrupt her. “Zane…he gets me on a level that no other man has, and a part of me believes this could be the man I will spend the rest of my life with. Of course, if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be heartbroken, but at least I can say I tried. If this all blows up in my face, I’m counting on you to be there for me, offering me your shoulder to cry on and not telling me you told me so. Can you do that for me, Nelson?”
“I can do both,” Nelson confidently confirmed.
Nina giggled and shoved Nelson out of the door.
“Oh, wait. I plum forgot the whole reason I came over in the first place. This is just a formality, but I wanted to know if you would be free to watch your nephew this weekend, or will you be too busy flicking your bean while reading dirty messages from your soul mate?”
“You’re a bastard.”
“If I’m one, then that makes you one, too,” Nelson childishly teased.
“Yeah, you can drop my love bug off on Friday. I’ll keep him through the weekend.”
“Have I ever told you that you’re the best sister a man could have?”
“No, but you did hint that I was a desperate bastard moments ago.”
“I still maintain that belief. I love you. Have a good night, sis. Let me know how Zane responds.”
“I will.”
Nina secured her front door, set the alarm, and raced back to her beloved spot on the couch. She sat her sleek chromed laptop on her lap and rubbed the lid for good luck as she attempted to calm her racing heart.
“The worst thing he can say is no,” she reasoned with herself.
Nina flipped open the lid, unlocked her screensaver with her fingerprint, and stared at the words on the screen.
Zane: Great minds think alike. I planned on suggesting the same, but you beat me to the punch. Yes, I would love to take the next step and move in with you. I can’t wait for us to start our new life together. Give me a few weeks to get things squared away on my end. May I ask a favor of you?
Nina was over the moon with excitement. So much so that Zane’s simple but odd request went unanalyzed, and Nina found herself readily agreeing to accept Zane’s mail until his long-awaited arrival.
