Odd Jobs

“Oh, my God. My mom would die over this purse,” Myra squealed, clutching the designer handbag to her chest. She earned curious stares from the sales associates, probably wondering if she would make a run for it and if they should call security. Myra returned a sheepish smile and continued her shopping excursion. Christmas was right around the corner, and Myra’s brand-new, spanking credit card burned a hole in her wallet.

It was her first credit card with a $10,000.00 limit, and she was dedicated to buying her friends and family presents that would blow their minds. Myra loved giving gifts to the people she loved. Seeing the appreciative smiles stretch across their faces was more rewarding than actually receiving a gift.

Last Christmas was depressing due to Myra’s unexpected financial woes. After a night on the town with her best friends, she returned home to find her boyfriend of three years side of the closet full of empty hangers. Myra remembered furrowing her eyebrows in confusion as she ran through their immaculate apartment, looking for any trace of him. His dresser drawers were empty, his Italian leather shoes gone, and the toiletries he had neatly organized on the bathroom countertop were non-existent.

Myra called him several times only to be sent directly to voicemail. She left message after message demanding for him to call her back and explain himself. Myra gave up and plopped down on the bed they once shared. Her hand brushed against something.

“Sorry,” Myra read from the pathetic excuse of an apology letter to her. She crumpled the paper and threw it across the bedroom. Myra lay in bed and stared at the ceiling for the next several hours as she executed a game plan to get back on her feet.

One would have thought Myra would have used her time to cry over being spontaneously abandoned by her lover, but Myra had bigger fish to fry, such as how she would afford their lavish apartment over the next several months on her income alone.

A headache formed when Myra thought about how her mother would rant and rave about how she told her dating a vampire was a bad idea because all they wanted was one thing...blood.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out why Kylo dumped Myra. Myra had fallen ill a couple of weeks before Kylo’s disappearing act. She visited the doctor, and it was discovered she suffered from anemia. Her doctor gave Myra strict instructions to take iron supplements daily, and Kylo was restricted from feeding from Myra for the next several months.

“Blood-sucking bastard,” Myra mumbled as she tried on a watch she considered purchasing for her sister.

“Excuse me?” the saleswoman questioned.

“What?”

“You called me a blood-sucking bastard,” the woman accused.

“Oh..oh, my God. No. I was thinking about my ex. He was a vampire. He left me once he realized he couldn’t feed from me any longer. Sorry...TMI.”

“Not at all. I dated a vampire once before. I’ll never do that again.”

“May I ask what your experience was?”

“It was horrible. He was super controlling, and he made sure I was on a strict diet; no processed foods, no sugar, no fatty foods, the list went on. We broke up once he caught me devouring a triple bacon cheeseburger and a large fry in my car.”

“What happened?” Myra gasped.

“So, I’m sitting there like a deer in headlights as he’s ranting and raving outside the car. I mean, he had his fangs bared and everything, the whole nine yards. He’s going off about how I can’t be trusted, I’m a liar, and I’m selfish.”

“Wait...he said you were the selfish one?”

“Right, I’m selfish, but I have to stick to this crazed diet due to his dining preferences.”

Myra scoffed. Kylo tried that with her one time, but she immediately shut him down.

“So then what happens?” Myra curiously asked. By this point, she was fully invested in the young woman’s story.

“I start eating again because my burger was getting cold, and it didn’t look like he was going to let up anytime soon.”

“No, you didn’t!” Myra gasped.

“Yes...I...did. That burger was my first taste of greasy goodness in six months.”

Myra laughed but waved for the saleswoman to continue with her story.

“He finally catches on, snatches the burger out of my hand, throws it on the ground, and begins to stomp on it.”

“What did you do next?”

“I watched him stomp my burger into the pavement while I munched on my fries.”

“Oooo, what I would’ve given to be a fly on that wall,” Myra squealed.

“Long story short, words were exchanged, garlic mace was sprayed, and both of us were locked up for the night for disorderly conduct. I will never date a vampire as long as I live.”

“What about other supernaturals?” Myra curiously asked.

“Absolutely. I refuse to date human men any longer. Supernatural men are where it’s at. In fact, I joined an interspecies dating website, and I have a hot date with a werewolf tonight,” the woman expressed with a megawatt grin on her face.

“You are aware that werewolves are more aggressive and controlling than vampires, right?”

“I’m well aware. I mainly want to date a wolf just for the experience and to be able to say, “I dated a werewolf.” You know?”

Myra decided this was a good place to end her conversation with the woman. It was clear she was the type of person that fetishized supernaturals, which was not okay with Myra. Dating a vampire definitely had its perks, but Myra didn’t go on the hunt for a vampire boyfriend.

Myra sighed as she recalled her first meeting with Kylo. She was in the supermarket trying to decide if she wanted to purchase the regular navel oranges or the blood oranges. Kylo was just passing by and asked her if she ever had a blood orange before. Myra denied as she examined the two oranges in her hand. For the next ten minutes, Kylo had Myra completely fooled that blood oranges were filled with actual blood. Kylo even took the time to convince Myra that blood oranges had different blood types, which could be determined by their size.

Myra felt like such a ditz when Kylo guffawed with laughter once he broke the news to her that blood oranges didn’t contain blood. Myra was grateful for her dark skin, or she would’ve been redder than the Red Delicious Apples in the next bin over.

Myra huffed in annoyance, not appreciating how she allowed the stranger to make a complete fool out of her. Kylo followed Myra all the way to the cash register, apologizing for his childish behavior. Myra ignored him, completed her shopping transaction, and left. A week later, Myra and Kylo ran into each other in the fruit section once again. Kylo asked Myra on a date in an attempt to earn her forgiveness. Myra vehemently refused; however, she gave in when the persistent vampire wouldn’t take no for an answer.

They went on a date, had an amazing time, and spent the next three years of their lives together.

Myra chastised herself for letting Kylo live in her mind rent-free. He used and dumped her when she was no longer of use to him, and Myra had to remember that. It could have been worse. Kylo could have abandoned her and left her behind with a hybrid baby she would have no idea how to raise. Would she feed the baby blood or breast milk? Myra shook her head, effectively erasing away the unnecessary thoughts. Tomorrow was Christmas, and Myra still had a few more stores to hit up.

***

“This present is from me, Mom,” Myra cheerfully announced, placing the gift bag in her mother’s lap.

“I’ve never been so excited and nervous at the same time,” Mrs. Casey mumbled as she held the present in her lap. All morning, Mrs. Casey watched Myra dole out over-the-top gifts to her loved ones, and she had no idea how Myra could afford them.

“Hurry up and open it, Mom,” Myra urged.

Mrs. Casey took a deep breath before tearing away the tissue paper. “Oh, my goodness, Myra!”

“I knew you’d love it!” Myra squealed as she took a picture of her mother’s surprised face.

“Um...Myra...sweetie?”

“What’s up?”

“This handbag retails for $1,000.00. Is it a knockoff?”

“Nope. It’s the real deal.”

“Did you steal it?”

“Nope. I paid for it.”

“Did you buy it off of a bum in the alley?”

“Nope. I have a receipt.”

“Was it on clearance?”

“Nope. It’s in season right now.”

“Did you rob a bank?”

“No.”

“Are you stripping on the side?”

Myra scoffed. She wasn’t hating on strippers, but Myra couldn’t even bend over and touch her toes.

“No, Mom.”

“Please tell me you’re not back with Kylo,” Mrs. Casey sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

“Seriously? No,” Myra spat in frustration.

“I’m sorry, but I thought I’d ask. I’m confused as to how you can afford all of these gifts. Are you a sugar baby?”

“No, but I need to be ASAP.”

“Preach!” Myra’s youngest sister, Lyra, shouted. “Ow!” she whined after receiving a swat to the arm from their father with his signature disapproval face. Byron Casey was a man of little words; his face and body language said it all.

“I think I would prefer you to be a stripper over a sugar baby. At least you would’ve had to work for your money,” Mrs. Casey huffed.

“How did you get the money, Myra?” Mr. Casey questioned, admiring his designer watch.

“I felt bad because I couldn’t buy you guys gifts last year, but I’m in a better place financially where I could go all out this year. I’m now in a more affordable apartment, and I have a credit card.”

Myra’s parents threw furtive glances at each other.

“Honey, how much is your limit on your credit card?” Mrs. Casey asked.

“$10,000.00. Pretty sweet, huh?”

“Figuratively speaking, it is great to have a $10,000.00 spending limit. It’s a good indicator that you have good credit, and they come in handy in case of an emergency. What’s the APR?” Mrs. Casey inquired.

“I don’t really remember. It’s like 20% or something. Is that bad?”

“It’s not great,” Mr. Casey interjected. “Be honest, My. How much did you spend on all of these gifts? Your minimum balance is going to eat you alive.”

“You guys worry too much. Are we ready to build these gingerbread houses or what?”

One Month Later

“What are you whistling for?” Myra’s elderly neighbor, Mrs. Seeley, asked with a suspicious tone in her voice.

“Who are you? The whistle police?” Myra questioned while she checked her mail.

“I might be. You seem to be in an oddly good mood. You got a man in your life?”

“No, Mrs. Seeley, and I’m perfectly content without one. Myra Casey will be flying solo for a while.”

“You should give my grandson a chance.”

“He’s too young for me.”

“What are you talking about? The two of you are the same age,” Mrs. Seeley gasped once they entered the elevator.

“Exactly,” Myra drawled as she shuffled through her mail. She wished Mrs. Seeley a good day once she exited the elevator. She entered her apartment and stopped to take a giant whiff of the fresh scent thanks to the air freshener plug-ins she got on sale the other day. Kylo hated her plug-ins and would snatch them out of the wall and dispose of them every chance he got. To be fair, vampires had a strong sense of smell, and he would complain the air fresheners gave him a monstrous headache.

“Junk, junk, more junk. What’s this?”

Myra quickly realized the envelope contained her statement for her credit card.

“Let’s see how much I owe,” she mumbled, slicing open the envelope with her nail. Myra carefully unfolded the bill, and her eyes widened at the exorbitant minimum payment.

“What the-”

Myra didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence before passing out on her kitchen floor.