Ally
“Ally!”
Still stuffing books into my backpack, I make my way out of the classroom. But my name being shouted behind me has me stopping by the door. As I look back, the blonde girl whose name I never bothered to ask for waves at me.
“Did you get any of that?” She asks me, nodding her head towards the whiteboard. It still shows the last sheet of today’s business informatics class about artificial intelligence, and how it’s being used for customer acquisition.
“Nah.” I shrug, turning away from her again. I did understand most of what the professor explained. Everything I listened to, at least. But I don’t consider it my problem if other students don’t.
“And I was already worried I was too dumb!” She laughs. “So, you know we have a study group, eh? Maybe we could figure it out together?”
“No, thanks.” Not granting her another look, I step around her and get going. I know those silly study groups are popular among most of the students at my uni, but I don’t need one. I’m good enough on my own. In fact, I’m better on my own. I don’t have time to play tutor for other students, they can find another idiot for that.
Without waiting for blondie or paying attention to anyone else, I strut down the stairs to my next class. Controlling.
Meh!
Every single time I enter the classroom, my professor’s words of welcome run through my head. ‘The most boring people you’ll ever meet are most-likely managerial accountants.’ It’s the most boring class I’ve ever had, that’s for certain. Hearing about costs, investments and sales for two hours straight just tires me out. But my professor—who’s worked as a managerial accountant for over thirty years,by the way—has a humour that usually makes it somewhat bearable. Besides, this semester is ending soon. Only a few more weeks, then I’m done with this shit.
So, feeling motivated by the prospects of a nearing end, I flop down in my seat in the last row.
“Hey, Ally.” The guy next to me beams, annoyingly happy to see me. His name is Tim, or something equally unexciting as that. And since we’re both the same age—which isn’t a given in German uni—he sticks to my ass like super-glue.
“Hi, Nerd,” I sigh, putting my feet up on the desk to get comfortable for my afternoon nap.
“Do you want me to take notes for you again?” He asks as he straightens up even more. So eager. So desperate.
Gross!
“Knock yourself out,” I mutter, already closing my eyes to sleep. I need to be well-rested for the coming nights on the Reeperbahn, Hamburg’s red light milieu. Or party street, as it’s become by now. I’ll be working the next few nights, so getting as much sleep as possible during the day is a necessity.
But my nap gets interrupted when Nerd calls my attention once again. “Ally, can I ask you something?”
Letting out a loud, exasperated sigh, I open my eyes to give him a look that should show him exactly what I think of him—which is nothing good. Although he’s pretty useful when it comes to taking notes for me. Plus, with a bit less sexual frustration surrounding him, he might even be cute.
“I don’t do dates. If you want payment for taking notes for me, you can see my boobs. Fifteen seconds, no pictures.”
“What?” His eyes almost pop out of his head as they grow large at my words. I can’t bite down the laugh when I see the shock and hope on his face.
“Hey, keep your dick in your pants, Virgin, I’m just making fun of you. And no, you can’t ask me anything unless it’s if you should type the notes into your pretty, rich-ass computer and send them to me via email. In that case, yes. No one can read your scrawl.”
Now, his eyes are no longer big. On the contrary they seem to have shrunken. His gaze shifts to the desk in front of him, and when his shoulders sink, it stirs something inside of me. Something heavy. The fucking hole of pity opens up to make me feel bad about my harsh joke.
“Why are you so mean?” He asks me, not even trying to hide his hurt feelings. Doesn’t he have any decency? Everyone knows it’s bad manners to be this openly hurt!
“Ugh!” Groaning, I drop my feet back on the ground to turn to him. I don’t know what it is he wants to hear. That it’s the bad genes of my alcoholic mother who abandoned me because she rather drank her brains out than take care of her children? I’m sure not going to tell him that.
“Mean is simply who I am, that’s why.” I shrug, dropping my gaze to his shirt instead of his eyes. “I’m a heartless bitch, and you’re glued to my ass because, deep down, you get a kick out of being treated like shit. It’s our nature. That’s the only way you and I are going to work. It’d be better if you finally got over your porn fantasies of me and just accepted it.”
Silently, he stares at the table. Not speaking. Probably trying not to cry. And making this really hard for me, too.
Why can’t he just swallow the truth and accept that this is the only relationship we’ll ever have? Him providing me with enough notes to make it okay for me to sleep through the class, and me being an ungrateful bitch about it. But no, he has to be all sulky and make it impossible for me to get my rest.
Sighing, I lean closer to him. “Okay, you can touch my boobs.”
“I don’t want to touch your boobs,” he mutters, but at least he finally looks up at me.
“Why not? What’s wrong with my boobs?” I ask, dropping my gaze to check my cleavage. I’m even wearing a push-up bra today. My boobs are perfectly squeezed together to appear bigger than they really are. They look fantastic. Honestly, I’d lick them if I could.
“Nothing’s wrong with your boobs!” Nerd whispers, his gaze moving to our professor who just came in. But this conversation isn’t over yet.
“Are you more of a butt-type of guy?”
“No, I—”
“Good God, don’t say you’re into feet!”
“Do you want me to take notes for you or not?” He changes the topic. His lips are formed into something I could even mistake for a grin as he shakes his head.
“Yeah, thanks.” Smiling, I lean back in my chair to get comfortable again. Class is about to start, it’s time to fall asleep!
“You’re welcome. For fifteen bucks.”
Sighing, I agree, “I want the notes by tomorrow morning.”
“Per page.”
“Fuck off!” Straightening up, I look back at Nerd who’s now full-on grinning at me. What the fuck is this? He can’t just conjure up a hint of self-confidence when I need him most! This is controlling class for fuck’s sake, he can’t expect me to pay attention myself!
“What was that, Miss Stahn?” Professor Wilke cuts into our discussion. Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he sits down on the edge of his desk while every head in the room turns to look at me.
“The nerd wants fifteen Euros per page for taking notes for me! That’s profiteering!” I complain without any hesitation. If any professor of mine is cool enough for this discussion, it’s him.
“Fifteen Euros? Is that true, Mister Krueger?”
“I had to mark-up the price at some point. These last one and a half years, she got my notes for free,” Nerd defends himself with a shrug of his shoulders.
“Well, then… make it thirty per page. I have a lot to say today, we’ll share the profit.”
“Thirty euros per page? Are you out of your mind?” What the fuck? If Nerd and Professor Wilke are in cahoots with one another all of a sudden, I’m screwed!
“What do we have to do if we want to make investments?” Grinning, my prof raises his eyebrows in question. “Right, we’ve got to increase our budget! And I’d really like to invest in a new Mercedes this year.” He pulls out a large pile of papers and sets it down beside him. “I’m pretty sure today’s lecture should earn me a nice extra.”
“Okay, I’m out!” Yanking up my hands, I officially surrender. No nap in the world is worth that amount of money. “I’ll listen for once. You may start the lesson now.” With a wave of my hand, I tell him to proceed.
Laughing, he takes the remote for the projector off the desk. “Well, since Miss Stahn gave me her blessings, let’s start with the topic of the day. Annual accounts.”
“Ugh, I can’t take this!” I grunt as I drop my face into my hands. “I’m gonna need a coffee if I have to stay awake for this shit.”
“Two sugars, no milk for me, thanks!” Professor Wilke says without a hint of humour as he opens his presentation of the day.
“No sugar would be healthier.”
“I’ll eat an apple later to make up for it.”
“Yeah, sure,” I mutter, but I don’t wait for an answer. I make my escape from the classroom and pull the door closed behind me.
Trying to waste as much time as possible, I drift down the stairs and stroll outside. The air is clear and fresh today. It’s one of those early summer days everyone loves. Not a cloud in the baby-blue sky, birds are chirping, the bushes and trees all around suddenly shine in a fresh green colour. It’s a shame that I’m forced to sit inside and listen to a man in his mid-fifties talking about annual accounts instead of doing whatever it is normal people do this time of year. Unfortunately for me, I’ll be stuck in school for another few hours, then I plan to go home and study, before I get ready for work. No fun in sight any time soon.
Arriving in the cafeteria, I order two large coffees and grab an apple before I saunter to the corkboard to see what’s new. It’s a silly habit I developed over the last year and a half, even though there’s never anything interesting on it. But today, everything’s different.
A poster is pinned right in the centre of the corkboard. It shows a woman hanging upside down from a pole with the words ‘Pole Dance Classes’ printed in big, bold letters above her. As I skim over the details, I’m informed that a pole dance studio has opened on St. Pauli, offering pole dance and aerial classes.
“You should sign up!” Without wasting a single thought on things like personal space or respect, some guy I know from my business law class steps up close to me. He grins as he points at the poster. “I’d love to watch you grinding on a pole, I bet you’d be worth the money!”
Oh, damn right, I am!
“Tonight, 11 PM, Pussy Dolls strip club. I’m the girl in thongs.” With a roll of my eyes, I turn away from him to go back to class, but the asshole follows me.
“Dude, do I have ‘douchebag magnet’ written on my ass? Fuck off!” I snap at him as I stop again. I’m surrounded by horny assholes most of my nights at work, can’t I at least get a little break at uni?
But obviously, I was clear enough now. Sighing, he lifts his hands and steps back. “God, sorry! No reason to be abusive!”
When he finally turns and walks away, I heave a sigh of relief. That’s something that I really hold dear about my nerd, he accepts my boundaries. He’s a somewhat decent person, actually, even if I am not. So, thinking of our conversation earlier, I turn around and go back to the counter.
With my purchases in hand, I’m back in the classroom five minutes later, and immediately tempted to turn around again when I’m welcomed by boring numbers on the whiteboard and a mocking grin on my professor’s face.
“Back already? I didn’t expect you to return until the end of class,” he mocks when I stroll towards his desk.
“I took pity on you. There’s no way you can get through your own class without a shot of caffeine.” Smiling sweetly, I hand him his coffee and place the apple on his desk like those nerdy ass-kissers always do in movies.
“Hmm, and that’s why you’re my favourite student,” Professor Wilke hums after taking a large sip of his coffee. As strange as it may sound, I really think I am. I might even say he’s my favourite professor, too. If it wasn’t for his damn boring classes.
“Right back at ya.” I say, toasting him with my coffee before I go back to my seat beside Nerd.
“For you,” I mutter under my breath as I shove the paper bag left in my hand over to him. Keeping my gaze fixed on the whiteboard, I listen to the rustling sound that tells me he’s accepted my peace offering.
“Thank you, Ally,” he whispers, his grateful voice making me shudder internally.
“Yeah, yeah, don’t mention it.” Wanting to shoot him a warning glare, I make the mistake of looking at him for just a second. He’s beaming happily as he bites into the cheese and ham croissant I got for him.
“But you got me my favourite snack!” Still grinning so grossly wide, he bumps my shoulder with his.
“Fuck you,” I say, then I turn away and rest my face on my arms on the desk. Mostly, so he can’t see the smile that’s forming on my lips.
Somehow, I make it through the class without falling asleep, and after business law is over, I’m finally free to go home. Finding my bike in between the hundreds of bikes in front of the uni building is always a task, but I manage just fine today. I never bother locking it up. No one would think of stealing it, it’s a worthless pile of shit anyway.
While most of my fellow students are headed towards the student accommodations or shared apartments they live in, I take the road to the east. Back to the ghetto I call ‘home’.
After pushing my bike into the shed that’s used both as storage for trash and bikes—which isn’t much of a difference in most cases—I let myself into the building with seven floors and no elevator. Luckily, I live on the ground floor. It’s a win-win. No staircases to climb up every day, and I can easily sneak in and out of my window at night.
“Honey, where are you?” I shout as I enter. The apartment isn’t much, but it’s enough. We don’t have an entrance, we enter straight into the living room. The furniture is old and cheap, everything bought second hand. The grey linoleum flooring has seen better days, too. It’s holey and full of stains from years of usage. Aside from the living room, the kitchen, and the bathroom, we have two more rooms. One bedroom for both of us. Enough space for me and Katrin.
“Kitchen!” Her answer flies back at me. I throw my bag onto our couch, and when I enter the kitchen, the sweet, caramel-like flavours of roasted onions fill up my nostrils.
Smiling, I wrap my arms around my sister from behind and peck the back of her head, before I ask, “You’re cooking? Did I forget it’s my birthday today?”
“Christian’s coming over.” Freeing herself from my hug, Katie takes the pot with sauce off the cooker to stop it from boiling.
“Oh, great. Do I have to put on headphones?” I fake a smile, but hearing her lover is coming over doesn’t make me cheerful in the least. The only good part about the guy is that he gives me the perfect excuse for staying in my room all night. Even though I won’t even be in the building. I’ll be out working, but my sister has no clue. And I’d prefer for it to stay that way.
“You know you’re always welcome with us. We’re the three musketeers, aren’t we?”
“Whatever you want to tell yourself,” I mutter, not really wanting her to hear. Much louder, though, I add, “I’m going to go study. Call me when dinner’s ready.”
“Will do.”
Smiling, I blow her an exaggerated kiss before I get my bag to hide out in my room. Since I don’t have a desk, I lie down on the floor to revise my notes. It’s not the most comfortable way of studying, but my room isn’t big enough for a proper desk. I have a bed, my nightstand, and the small, wooden closet pushed up against the wall next to my window. Five years from now, I’ll have a walk-in closet twice the size of this room, that’s what I’ve sworn myself. It’s the whole reason why I work my ass off at uni to make sure my grades a flawless.
But no matter my good intentions, I still have to postpone my revisions when Katrin calls me to dinner barely ten minutes later. To no surprise, her douchebag of a fiancé apparently is a no-show again today. At least the table is set only for two.
“So… no Christian after all?” I ask, offering her a sympathetic smile. I wish this was the first time he’s cancelled their plans at the last minute, but it’s happened so often lately, it’s hard to keep track.
“He’s got a thing at work,” she grumbles as she opens the fridge and pulls out a bottle of wine.
Here we go.
“Don’t you think you should have a glass of water?” My stomach cramps. I keep my eyes on my plate as I speak. We’ve had this discussion so many times, but I’m incapable of letting the topic go.
“Don’t you think you should mind your own fucking business?” The snappy answer follows suit as Katie sits down and sets the bottle down on the table with a little too much force. “Jesus, if I want a glass of wine, I’m going to have a fucking glass of wine. Now shut your mouth and eat!”
“Smells great,” I sigh, still not looking up. We both know she has a problem with her alcohol intake, but I’m the only one who accepts it for what it is. She, on the other hand, is an alcoholic in denial.
“It’s Christian’s favourite.”
“Of course it is.”
“Ally!” Her voice is full of warning. Biting my lip, I meet her gaze again. I know she doesn’t want to hear it, but I can’t keep my concerns to myself.
“I don’t trust him, that’s all. I swear, he’s got a skeleton hidden in his closet somewhere!”
“You don’t trust anyone, Ally, but you know what? That’s your problem, not mine. I love him, he treats me well, and it’s going great between us. Besides, he’s a smart decision.”
‘Smart decision’, as in ‘the guy has money’. I’d fully respect her decision to marry him for wealth alone, but my sister isn’t that smart. She loves him. Her heart’s in this… and that’s never good.
“Yeah, well… Let’s hope he won’t turn out to be a disappointment once the deal is sealed.”
“Once the deal is sealed?” Raising her eyebrows at me, she lets out a dry laugh. “Don’t make our engagement sound like a business deal. Have you never heard of love? Of two people wanting to spend the rest of their lives together?”
“Have you never heard of intelligence?” Rolling my eyes, I get up to get a glass of tap water. “Love is weak and stupid. I don’t need that shit and neither do you. Once I graduate, I’ll make enough money for the both of us. Without a man who’s only going to ruin your life!”
For a moment, Katie looks at me, then she drops her gaze to the food in front of her. “Sometimes I can’t help but wonder what made you this cynical. It worries me at times.”
“I’m not cynical, I’m realistic. Love is nothing but an unnecessary distraction from what really matters in life. Like money and independence.”
“Just wait until the right person comes along. One day, you’ll fall in love, and you’ll realise how beautiful it is to have this special person in your life. Then, we’ll talk again.”
“Yeah, when Hell freezes over,” I grumble. The discussion is over. I’ve only stated facts. Love is weak. Every emotion is. Feelings don’t get you anywhere in life. What does, though, is determination and no fucks given.
And luckily, I’m excellent with both!
