Underfoot

I was a little kid, and it was Christmas when they came to the door.

“Don’t answer, Terris.”

I turned back and cocked my head. “Why?”

Mommy stood up from the kitchen table, groaning, and had to wedge the chair beneath the table where it belonged so she could get out of the kitchen and into the living room. Her eyes were deep and red-rimmed. I remember that clearly. She gripped my hand tighter than I liked, and it was shaking.

“Where’s Daddy?” I whispered. The situation seemed to demand whispers.

“Still at work.” She breathed in shakily and placed a worrying hand under her protruding stomach. My little brother was in there. Mommy told me so. He was gonna be our Christmas present. “Still at work. He’s- he’s gonna find us, Terris. He’ll come after us.” She looked down at me, almost questioning; like she wanted me to assure her she was right. Maybe she did.

I blinked and opened my mouth to reply, but someone slammed their fist on our metal door, and I jumped into my mom with a shout. I couldn’t wrap my arms around her. We backed up slowly, around the kitchen table, and toward the little closet Mommy and Daddy made a few months ago and told me to keep a secret. Even from Dallas. And Dallas was my best friend ever.

“In here, Terris.”

“Can I bring Nada?”

Her mouth did a funny thing that was almost a smile but wasn’t. She nodded quickly. “Go.”

As quietly as I could, I darted back and grabbed Nada from underneath the table where I’d been playing. Nada was a little, red-haired doll made out of used kitchen rags. I loved her a whole lot. But not as much as Mommy and Daddy. Maybe more than my brother. That was not fair though because I hadn’t even seen him yet, and I was gonna have to share a room with him, which was not a good thing. I snatched her up and raced back to Mommy, who was hefting up a heavy, circular door in the floor. An unpleasant smell wafted up, and I covered my nose. “I can’t go down there.”

Someone at the door knocked again. They had loud voices now. I looked with wide eyes at the door and then back at the hole in the floor.

“We’re gonna have an adventure, Terris. You like those, right?” Mommy’s smile was forced.

I nodded, holding Nada tighter. “Yes.”

“Can you be brave for me, baby?”

Another nod.

I would. I would be brave for Mommy. With a deep breath, I stuffed Nada down my gray overalls and slipped into the hole. The ladder rungs were slick and cold. “That’s it, Terris. Keep going.”

With shaking arms, I finally arrived at the bottom, only to step in something wet. I jerked away, and hugged Nada. “Ew. Come on, Mommy!”

“I’m here.” Mamma got down next to me and grabbed my hand. She kept holding her stomach like she thought it might roll away. I pulled Nada out of my shirt and held her in the other hand as we begin skirting the wet, smelly tunnel. I realized suddenly I’d forgotten my shoes and said as much.

“We’ll get new ones,” Mommy answered.

I didn’t want new ones, and it took all of my restraint to keep from tearing up. This was not a fun adventure. I liked adventures that took me and Daddy into the marketplace to pick up food without being seen. I liked going to Mommy’s work and hiding under her desk. I did not like running barefoot through gross, wet, dark tunnels being chased by scary, bad guys. We wove through the tunnels for what felt like eternity.

“Mommy?” I said.

“What, honey?”

“Why are the bad men chasing us?”

Mommy glanced down at me but did not slow. Her eyes were thoughtful and sad. “You know how none of your friends have siblings?”

“Yes.”

Mommy nodded. “Families aren’t supposed to have more than one child. There’s not enough room.”

I considered this, and we turned a corner. “So they want to take my brother away?”

“Yes.”

Well. That was not acceptable. I tightened my grip on Mom’s hand and tried to move faster. “The Enforcers won’t get us, though, Mommy. Don’t worry.”

She laughed for some reason. It was breathless and didn’t sound happy at all. “That’s my girl.”

After some time, we stopped in front of a ladder like the one we descended earlier. This was it. Mommy tried to help me up but had to pause to catch her breath so many times I told her I could do it okay and fumbled up the steep thing on my own. She followed me. Carefully, we lifted the lid. We were in a corner of what appeared to be a busy crossroads. This was a spot that connected our Sector in Underfoot to dozens of others. If you walked into one of the tunnels, you could go anywhere. I held Mommy’s and Nada’s hands tightly and wished Daddy were here too. We closed the door and eased into the light. So far, no Enforcers were waiting for us. Good.

The crossroads smelled like sweat and dirt and humidity. The crowd of gray-clad individuals pulsed, roared, moaned, and bustled like a single organism. We entered the crowd, and, at that height, I could only see legs, legs, and more legs. The people pushed us. We scurried around as an anxious leaf twirls in a drain.

“Come on,” Mom urged with a tight voice. Did she see the bad men? “Just a bit farther for Mommy.”

I picked up the pace, but suddenly my toe caught on a rough edge of the floor. I yelped in pain, dropping Nada and Mommy’s hands. Instantly, I realized my mistake. The crowd carried me away. My chest tightening with panic and fear, I dropped to my knees and crawled toward my toy. With a relieved sigh, I picked up Nada, only to be seized by fear once more. Where was Mommy?

I jumped up and spun around. My fingers dug into Nada’s rag chest. Wildly, I searched for Mom’s bright red hair. “Mom!” I shouted. My throat became thinner and thinner. I couldn’t breath.

“I’m here, Terris!” My gaze snapped to her voice. She pulled through the last few people and gripped me tightly by the shoulders. Before she had a chance to say anything, her gaze flicked behind me, and all the color drained from her face. Quickly, Mom shoved me behind her and stood straight. She lifted her chin proudly. “Go, Terris,” she said with a remarkably steady voice.

Four Enforcers stood impassively. They were clad in black with dark helmets that covered their entire heads. They were identical except for one who wore white and fingered something metal, sharp, and hooked. They could have been robots, and we would not know the difference. “Grab her,” one of them barked.

They surged forward, and I screamed, hands over my ears. Mom scrambled back and pushed me. Hard. “RUN!” she screamed.

Gulping and choking on sobs, I ran through a crowd wisely stepping back from the scene. What a mess we must have looked; a barefoot, smelly child and a crying, pregnant woman surrounded by officers. I ran and ran until I reached the edge of the room, and then I scrambled up a staircase and folded myself into a tiny cubbyhole that was supposed to hold cleaning supplies. My tears dribbled into my mouth, and I tasted the salt.

Through the crack in the door, I witnessed the Enforcers grab my mother by both arms and force her to the floor. She cried out when she hit the ground and again when another Enforcer forced her head up by fisting her hair. They slapped her across the face as I cowered, paralyzed. Daddy. Where was Daddy? I started blubbering senselessly for my dad, and then forced myself to stop. They might hear me. Quickly, the Enforcers jerked Mommy to her feet and moved her toward a door in the wall. They shoved her forward and kicked her when she fell. No one in the crowd was doing anything. They cowered and scurried past. As they reached the door, Mom struggled to stand straight, her hands holding her belly, and her gaze swept across the room.

In that last instant, her gaze met mine. Her face flickered with a slight smile for my benefit. “It’s okay,” she mouthed. It’s okay. She was beautiful and defiant and untamed. In that last instant.

The Enforcer in white grabbed her by the shoulder and forced her through the door into a bathroom. The light hit it just right, and I caught a glimpse of that silver hook.

Suddenly, the door slammed shut.

And I was alone; paralyzed in a broom cupboard. Soaked in tears and sewer water.

I never saw her again.

That was ten years ago.