James the Magician

“James was not a good magician, let’s just get that fact out in the open. He wasn’t even a magician, he just told jokes, really bad jokes. No one was his friend, except for the class pet, Sherry. Sherry was a parrot that squaked and squaked. One day, James and his class took a field trip to a river to collect some, scientific grade school data.

‘Alright class, let’s stay together as we learn about the interesting ecosystems of rivers!’ the science teacher said enthusiastically.

James wasn’t listening, he was too busy trying to make a shell turn into dust. He only succeeded when he stomped on it. As the teacher droned on about safety precautions, about how even though they were in ankle deep water, there was still a danger of drowning. Yet still, James was not listening to it, he was too busy following a teeny fish upstream, when he noticed that his knee-high galoshes were filling up with murky water. He looked around, saw shale and igneous rock, both of which are important ingredients to make magicians smoking bombs and special potions like turning a twig into a butterfly.

So, James began collecting the shale and igneous rock along the bank of the river, until he noticed the air had gotten cool and the light from the sun began to get darker. He looked up and saw pine trees and on the ground, where shrubs and thick knots of roots. Now this was the first time James thought about where he was, and how far he was from his class.

Anyways, James secretly has always wanted to be on his own in the woods. So, James collected twigs and branches. He laid a long branch on the groove of a tree and laid twigs vertically along the branch. He then covered his shelter with moss and grass and leaves. He was getting hungry, so he decided that he would magically make some chicken. But first, he smashed the rocks the best he could and then started a fire. He had never started a fire before, so he used the rope from his shoelaces and three twigs so he could make a crossbow fire.

After many painful blistering minutes later, he got smoke, then a small flame which he quickly put twigs and some leaves onto. He then had a nice fire going. So, using his smashed up rocks and a leaf of mint, he decided that magic wouldn’t help him much in this situation. So, he lifted up a log and unwillingly placed the slimy, cold wriggling creature into his mouth. You could already tell how disgusting that would be, but he knew that grubs weren’t dangerous, and he didn’t want to take the chance on any other insect, so James lifted up the log and ate two more grubs. His feet were cold, so he found a long, thin rock and placed his naked feet and wet socks onto the stone and put the stone near the fire. As the fire warmed up his feet and dried out his socks, he thought about his class and how they probably weren’t looking for him. In actuality, his entire school was looking for him, the police were looking for him, and all of his family and friends were looking for James. After his feet, socks and galoshes were dry, he decided to get some sleep, so he went into his shelter and rested. He rested for so long, that twelve years went by, and then another twelve years, and then another and another. He was out their for so long that all of his friends died, and no one has ever seen him since.”. Heh

“That’s not true!” said gap-toothed MaKayla.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” said buzz cut Brian.

“It is true, and that is why we must all stay together on this field trip. And yes, that is a true story, because it is what happened to me,” said Mr. James, the science teacher, as he jumped into the shallow river with his galoshes.