{ Scent }
I don’t know what to think.
She is actually gone. All that’s left of her are just echoes of what used to be. Her jacket’s hanging on her bed, and the books she loves to read - are all left behind by her absence. Truly, no one could get rid of her. She was always there and always will be.
I walk into the room from the doorframe. Tentatively, I take a few more steps and stop just where the carpet on the floor starts. The room still smells like her, but I know that the scent is slowly fading each day. I take in deep breaths, trying to capture whatever essence was left of her into my lungs. That way, I would still remember how she smells, even when the scent in the room is gone.
I haven’t touched anything yet. Her parents have already done that on the day she wilted and have never returned since. Part of me wants to take some of the things that once were hers with me. I would keep it with me forever so I’d never be truly alone. Part of her would linger and I’ll remember how she loved me, how she made me feel loved, and how she was by my side no matter what went wrong in our lives.
But, another part of me didn’t want to take anything. Along with all the good feelings, there was also the bad: grief, regret, and pain.
I’m conflicted.
A core part of me likes keeping things that have sentimental value. The stronger the feelings, the more I want to keep them. In a way, I also like making as many memories as I can even when I know it’s over. My parents say I’m dumb that way, but they don’t understand. Parents never do.
I know it’s going to hurt more but I’m making that choice on my own - I want to be happier for a little longer, for however long we have left. But, then again, I don’t want to spend days on end crying myself to sleep.
I don’t move.
I just stare blankly at the posters on her wall, the figures lining her shelves, and her acoustic guitar lying on the bed. The dust was collecting on it. You could see it under the glow of the sun, shining in through the windows. This room felt like it was going to be untouched for centuries.
I inhale sharply and try to bury my thoughts. Maybe I’ll just take one thing from her room. Just one.
I let my eyes wander around more.
I see the open closet, her shirts hung up and folded. Her old homework was left untouched and in messy piles. Her comb sits on the desk, her little lego figures lining the wall, the pillows on her bed, and the dolls sitting on her headboard. There’s so much.
In the end, I just take one of the small plushies off her headboard. It was a brown bear with a cute nose and shining eyes. She called it ‘Bear Bear’. I hug it to my chest and I leave the room, shutting the door with a click.
“I’ll be going now. Thanks for letting me come over.”
“No worries.”
I walk past her mother, her face seemingly aged since the last time I saw her. Her eyes glance down at the bear in my hands. She says nothing and looks away quickly.
I slip on my shoes and I leave the house. Walking to the bus stop with Airpods in my ears, I let the song and the lyrics wrap around me. I had promised Bentley that I would go with him to visit Marie. Her parents were the strictest parents I’ve ever met and he wanted me to be his ‘support’.
“Help me convince them to let Marie out of the house, please,” he’d said, “And It’ll be great fun since Marie has rarely ever gone out with us.”
So, I’d agreed. A distraction on my part.
The bus pulls up to my stop and I get on. I beep my card and find an empty seat near the back. Usually, it was crowded, but today was an early dismissal day for my school. The floor beneath me rumbles as the bus begins to drive.
I go through multiple songs and is listening to JORDY when the bus pulls up at the station near Marie’s house.
“Thanks.” I thank the driver. There's a slight breeze when I exit. I call Bentley. The phone beeps a few tones before a cheery voice meets me on the other side.
“Hey! Sorry! I’ll be right there. I had to go drop by the store to get some water. I was dying y’know? I was too invested in writing this morning and I forgot to drink water. It’s stupid, really.”
I can’t help but smile. “It’s fine, really. I’m just by the bus stop. Let me know when you’re near.”
“Okay! See you then.” The line cuts off.
I’m left alone again. I sit on the bench at the bus stop and I let the songs devour me.
