What is your opinion?
Morbidly Intriguing
"I really liked the way you wrote. There was a lot of tension created right in the beginning, heightened by the fact that we did not get to know what the phone call was about. The poem was very eloquent, and most ominous. The One seemed to be a clear reference to the Devil, but I don't think we need to get religious here. I wonder how much supernatural influences played a role when the mother recited her poem. The fate of the brother mirroring the warnings given in the poem was perhaps a little expected. What did surprise me was the ending. Where does she have to go, and who is calling her name? The grammar and punctuation was immaculate. It was nicely worded and there was a remarkable flow in the narrative. A very good story, but perhaps a little short. I await the next few chapters to find out more about the narrator and her brother."
The One is here to rob you of your dreams
"That poem is the creepiest part of the story, and that is a very good thing. However, the ending should have been just as strong and it should have captivated your readers and chilled them to the core. You just didn't do that to me. If the main character had been the one affected it would have made since for them to remember, but having the brother be affected, that seemed like a bit of a disappointment. The one also seemed to be a metaphor for a predator/stalker/domestic-violence person. I'm sorry if you think this is a bad review, but I really want to see you improve. You have a good foundation, but it could be better, such as adding more back-story, more poems, and maybe a personal experience with the one."
More!
"Loved the idea here but would have felt more satisfied as a reader if there was a bit of a climb in exposition, not just an "okay, bye!" Also, the poem itself was great but the length of it made me instantly disagree with the narrator and the fact that his mother would recite it to him. It's too long to say as a warning, the kids would have stopped listening a few seconds in or run off. It's definitely a mouth full! Would have loved to get a scope on "The One" too. Otherwise, nice and creepy."
