Chapter 1
I’m so hungry.
I guess nobody noticed me leave the lunch table early.
Or arrive late.
Or not arrive at all.
With no lunchbox in hand.
But of course I ate my lunch
Where else could it be?
I tell myself I’m not hungry
And I’m not, I’m really not and
I tell you I’m fine
But I’m not, I’m really not.
It’s just that you’ll tell me that
The mirror is lying to me, and my mind is too
But I don’t want to have “a nice body shape”,
I want to be skinny.
And I know anorexia’s a deadly game
With meals as rounds and hunger as dice and calories as points.
And weight loss as the goal.
Whoever has the least amount of points at the end wins.
And no snacking is allowed.
But I’m not regulating, just debating
Whether I should aim for 100 or 500 calories today
And did I mention being hungry?
Hunger is a choice, a mental state of mind that can be controlled and shoved down.
And when I’m running around out of breath and telling myself that
I’m out of shape when I really just have asthma
And when I’m feeling lightheaded and faint and
I tell myself I’m just tired when I really haven’t eaten all day
And it hurts, it hurts, and the hurt
Is hunger but the hunger helps with the happiness of not being seen as heavy.
No, I didn’t eat my lunch today.
Does it show on my face?
I’m so hungry.
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