The Shrankenizing
Jameson “Jamie” Janut woke up in his bed.
“Oh boy, what a great day for nothing of interest to happen!” He said, and nothing did.
Then he woke up again the next morning, only to find that everything in his room had been turned purple by the Garry’s Mod color tool.
“NOOOO!” Jameson said, as he hated purple. “I must find out who did this.”
So, Jamie Janut went outside of his house and kidnapped the mailman.
“What’s your name, mailman?” Jamie asked.
“Nerd Emoji,” The mailman replied
“So is that a first name ‘Nerd’, last name ‘Emoji’?”
“Nerd Emoji,” The mailman replied
Jamie beat the mailman up upon realizing that this man only had the capability to say “Nerd” and “Emoji”, but felt bad, so he went on an epic quest to get the time stoneTM, and reversed time so that the mailman was uninjured. The time stoneTM will never be brought up again.
“Ok, I have one member of my goofy team, who’s next?” Jamie said aloud, eliciting a “Nerd Emoji” From the mailman. Jamie dragged the mailman outside and found a kid selling lemonade.
“Hey kid, do you want to come on an epic quest with me?” He asked.
The kid nodded his head enthusiastically. “Well you can’t, because we already have someone who can only say one sentence over and over.” Jamie told him.
“But I can say more than–” The kid said, before Jamie stole the lemonade to put in his wallet and ate all of the kid’s money.
“Fuck you.” Jamie said.
“Y’know, this sets you up to be a very unlikable main character, which means readers won’t be as invested in this story and your arc. This is bad writing if I’ve ever seen it.” the kid said in a voice 5 octaves deeper than Jamie’s own voice.
“Fuck you.” Jamie said once more, and pulled out his box of matches and lit the kid’s lemonade stand on fire.
“Now it’s a fire stand. You sell fire. Not much demand for that, huh? I just ruined you financially.” Jamie said, unaware that this kid was the owner of one of those hustler Instagram accounts, making that kid probably the smartest person alive.
Anyway, after Jamie and the mailman exchanged Snapchat accounts, they left the Fire Stand and went to the neighbor’s house.
“Hello Neighbor,” Jamie said to the closed door because he ‘kind of forgot’ to knock.
“Nerd Emoji,” The mailman said as he knocked on the door for Jamie.
“Hi, my name isn’t Frank,” Not Frank said as he opened the door.
“Hi Not Frank, today we’re on our way to see who turned my room purple. We need your help.”
“Well, I assure you I can help. I have a pickup truck!” Not Frank said. But Not Frank had misidentified his truck. He had a pickdown truck. Either way, Jamie, the mailman, and Not Frank all got into the pickdown truck.
“Where to?” Not Frank asked.
“Alaska.” Jamie said.
“Ok. By the way, you didn’t use correct grammar right there when you said ‘Alaska’. That period should be a comma.”
“What?” Jamie asked.
“I said you were stupid and you’re going to F-ing B hell” Not Frank responded
“What even is that? By the way you forgot the period after ‘responded’.”
“Since when was that my fault? That wasn’t even part of my dialogue!” Not Frank said. The pair argued about grammar in a story they shouldn’t have been self aware of for a good four hours, with the occasional “Nerd Emoji” thrown in.
Then they set out.
And then they Shrankenized.
