What is your opinion?
five stars
"five stars"
The idea is there, but it needs work.
"First off, I just want to say that in no way do I intend to be harsh in my review of your story. I am truly writing from the emotions I got while reading, and from what I noticed was missing. 1. The plot is all over the place. It lacks direction and the pacing is way too fast. The characters are in a constant battle with enemy forces, and mixed in are random names and terms that are thrown at you mid-battle; given an explanation, but the timing in which they are mentioned is awkward. Because of the lack of establishing a well-structured and solid setting, it is hard to look at the synopsis and say “this connects to the story”. The setting, characters, and intent should always be cleared up right away, before jumping into the specifics. 2. The main and supporting characters were also mentioned as the story progressed; elaborated upon in a paragraph, but there is not enough dialogue or description behind their character for me to understand who they are as individuals. The constant battle takes away from this. Because the story went right into the mechanics of a multidimensional world and the problems the crew encountered on their journey, there wasn’t enough down-time to have an intimate moment with each character. Maybe you’ll get to this later, but I truly think that it is vital to your book to give more spotlight to the characteristics, history, and purpose of the multidimensional realm; and more spotlight to the characters so we can learn who they are and thus feel a connection with them, in the beginning. Once this is done, the reader can be more focused on the multidimensional journey. 3. HOWEVER, I see the pieces that you’re trying to put together. There are characters with roles, most importantly the main character (with the silly name). They travel between universes. They encounter enemies along the way. There is an important glowing item that possesses powers, etc. And everything comes full circle because the main character now has to prevent the the future from the demons of his past. Now I suggest that you build off of each one separately—clearly and concisely create each one’s purpose and role in the story; their cause and effect on the things and people around them, and just how pivotal each thing will be to the entirety of this story. 4. Lastly, your grammar is on point. So no complaints there. I love your idea behind each dimension having a certain code as well. I know this is a lot, but again, these are the things I noticed. From my personal education on novel-writing: structure, clarity, pacing, and substance are all very important in the creation of a really good story. You’ve got that in you. Good luck!"
