What is your opinion?
Great
"So too many author notes. But other than that I thought the chapters that I did read were perfect. You're really good at writing suspense."
Great Potential!
"First off, I want to commend you for taking the initiative to actually write a story, especially when you have school and other things going on in your life. More and more young writers are starting to show their work, which is amazing :) I'm one of them! Your book has great potential and the plot is interesting. The story starts straight off with action and an interesting character. I did wonder at first if this was a human version of a My Little Pony fanfiction, because there is an episode in the show about a crystal kingdom where a crystal heart ensures harmony, and a stallion called King Sombra has stolen it. If it's not your intention to write a fanfiction, I'd suggest changing King Sombra's name to avoid confusion. In terms of grammar, there were a few times where you changed from past tense to present tense, and at times I wasn't sure which tense you were meant to be using. There was also some punctuation mistakes in the dialogue such as spacing, etc, but those issues can be easily fixed. I found myself wondering about Annabelle's family. Why are they so poor? Where is her father? I was curious about her backstory but I do realize it's only three chapters in and that you might add that in later on, which is totally fine. I also wondered who Jakeem actually was--is he her friend, her crush, or her boyfriend? What does he look like, exactly? Adding character descriptions into your book really helps with imagery and getting a sense of the characters' personalities. I also found myself wondering what time period the book is set in. It says that Annabelle puts on a T-shirt and shorts for bed, but before that I thought that it was set in medieval times considering they were living inside a kingdom and she worked at the palace. Depending on whether the setting is an alternate fantasy world or if it's set as a fantasy story in medieval times, perhaps you could add some distinguishing features so the reader can imagine it right. If it is in medieval times, Annabelle wouldn't be wearing a T shirt and shorts (a simple dress if she was a peasant, for example). One other thing--this book is written in 3rd person, but that doesn't mean you can't show your character's emotions and feelings! Adding in little paragraphs of what is going on inside the main character's head can really help the reader engage with the characters and feel hooked to the story. I know I wrote a lot, but I really think your story is so cool. Keep writing it!! You'll just keep getting better and better :) -from a fellow young writer"
Intriguing story
"quite an interesting plot and cannot wait to read the rest. I especially wanna know more about what is Annabelle's role in the story and I like how she is not simply a "good girl" and is described in a more realistic way"
Good Start!
"I'm writing this review with only one chapter available, so I can't say too much about the plot since it hasn't had time to develop yet. However, it seems interesting. I think the writing style can be improved. The story moves very quickly, we don't get to stay in one place for too long which makes it feel like we are jumping around. I think more exposition would be good. Let us see her in her normal life, that way we have more sympathy for her and angst against the princess when she steals. It feels like that could be something good to build up to in maybe the third chapter after we see her with her family and working at the palace and get some more backstory. That leads me to my next point of showing vs. telling. Don't just tell us her family is poor, let's see an interaction with her mother where we learn her father is dead and they're in debt. Describe her living conditions, a look of stress on her mom's face. This raises the stakes of her being fired. I also think it'd be worth diving a little deeper into the backstory of the kingdom, how that family came into power, etc to set up a bit more world building before we have an evil force come in. I think this could be a great story, it just needs to be slowed down a bit -take your time to build the world and your characters before diving into the meat of it. Hope this helps and good luck!"
Savage.
"Pretty savage, noice."
