svara_narasiah

Selangor, Malaysia

bisexual bagel demigirl disaster

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Breathtaking

I love this so much. The way you write, everything just flows so beautifully. The plot is perfect, the characters perfect (I especially love the unique names.) This kept me on the edge of my seat. Really, really wonderful job. I have no critique except to say that there were just a few teeny tiny punctuation mistakes :) Don't ever stop writing!

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Surprisingly good

I honestly didn't think this story would be that intriguing, but it was. There are so many things I liked about it, the way you set it up, the plot, the characters--all that was amazing.

Just a few issues with punctuation and grammar. You need to separate your paragraphs so it doesn't feel as long and rushed; dialogue should also be separated with paragraphs so you can tell which person is speaking :)

Other than that it was enjoyable and well done!

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Wow

I rarely give all five-star reviews, but this one certainly deserved it--and it's only at two chapters!!!

Your writing style just blows my mind. The topics smoothly lead into one another, and your descriptions are so easy to follow and read. I love the use of candy in this story, it adds a fresh perspective to horror.

The only critique I can give is that this story needs a bit of dialogue; I know it's only two chapters in, but generally readers find stories with dialogue a bit more engaging. So maybe make the main character talk to herself for a bit :) just a suggestion!

Overall I loved this SO MUCH and I will definitely be looking out for updates.

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Well done!

I never thought I'd read this story in one sitting, but I couldn't tear myself away. I love sci-fi and this is a great story. Worldbuilding is a very hard thing to do and I think you executed it perfectly, so good job on that. A few conversations between the characters made me laugh out loud, and I rarely do that while reading. I love your style and characters, their lives, everything.

I found a few slight punctuation mistakes that can easily be fixed. One chapter you forgot to name (chapter 17) and there were a few instances where the chapter title was at the bottom of another, my guess is that you converted this from a document and it messed up the layout a little. Again, it can easily be fixed.

I did think the characters talked quite formally for their age sometimes, so try to make them sound more their age.

I also noticed some chapters are very short while others are quite long. This is just a preference, but I do suggest making them all roughly the same size. This is just an opinion, however.

Overall I loved your book and I think it has a good chance of being published. You are a wonderful author, keep going!

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Very good!

I love zombie stories, and this one was a great start. Your writing style is clear, your characters names beautifully unique, and I can't wait to read more!

In the first few bits you did put Nyx and Saffi's dialogue into the same paragraph, but that's probably just a little mistake. I also saw a few punctuation errors that can be easily fixed, best to edit over the chapter.

It's hard to write emotions, and you did very well on that :) I immediately fell in love with your characters and I cannot wait to see more updates!

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Potential

Okay, so:

Overall: The symbolism is good, and so is the writing. I like the way you explain things and though it isn't captivating or satisfactory it's fun to read.

Writing style: you need to work on flow. Let the writing flow from one sentence to another. Don’t repeat words or the same sentence.

Grammar: there are no spaces between your sentences which makes it hard to read and understand. Put spaces and it’ll be a much better read.

I’m giving you three stars overall because you have a lot of potential. Keep working and you’ll improve :)

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I liked it!

The writing style was poetic in a way I haven't seen before, the plot was good, and I did enjoy reading it. There were a few grammar mistakes (for instance, separating a single word into two such as peo- ple.) Overall it was enjoyable :)

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Well done

Mysteries are one of my favorite things to read, and this was perfect. Your plot and the way you keep up suspense is amazing, so great job on that.

There are some little punctuation mistakes that can be fixed super easily, but other than that, this was a lovely read.

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I love it

Such beautiful poetry :) you are so talented!

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Very well done!

I didn't expect to finish your story so quickly, but it was a real page-turner. I love everything about it; the plot, the writing style, the little bits of humour.

Your character personalities were very well done and I just love how unique they are. The only constructive feedback I can add is that there were a few typos and grammar mistakes, but that's it. Besides that I can't find a single problem and you should be very proud :)

Good job!!

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Potential

Overall, I liked the concept; the way animals turn against humans and force them underground. The character names are good, as well as the idea. But you do need to work on a few things. Dialogue, for one. This is not a script, so I advise using speech marks instead of writing it like a script :)

There are some spelling mistakes which can be fixed easily. I do think you should work more on fixing the story so that it all fits within the realm of possibility. This will be a great story if you fix it up a little!

Well done for starting a story. Not many people can do that. Keep going!

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Keep Going!

So first off, before I critique your writing, I just want to say your cover is GORGEOUS!

Now to the story:

I did notice that you started the chapter with present tense, and then went on to use past tense. You will want to stick to one of them, so that will need some editing. I also think you should put spaces in between paragraphs, to make it a bit easier to read, but that's just a tip.

When two or more people are talking to each other, make sure to separate the dialogue with paragraphs. Don't put two people speaking in the same paragraph.

So now that we have the grammar issues out of the way, I want to say that you kind of did some info dumping in the first part of the chapter when you first mentioned the world being dominated by zombies. You put the explanation in parentheses as if it was just some causal side remark, so I think you should remove that and dedicate a couple paragraphs to explain what happened. Just casually saying "Dad got eaten when I was 11" doesn't offer a lot of explanation, and it doesn't make the reader feel anything. You want to make the readers feel emotion when they read your story.

One more thing--you're writing in first person. Don't be afraid to colourfully express what your character is feeling, ESPECIALLY if it's in first person. Tell the story through your character's eyes. Make her more like a real person than a narrator. Living in a world full of zombies, she must be scared to death, and angry, and just overall very traumatised. Try to point that out.

I know I've given you a whole bunch of critique, and that's solely because you have a lot of room to improve! You are a good writer and with practice, you can become a great one :) I too am a teen writer and it's taken me years to get to where I am now. I just want to say congratulations for actually starting a story! I will defiantly read other chapters to come so long as you write them.

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Potential!

Right, so, first off I'm going to say that I do enjoy a good pirate story, and I did like this one. Your descriptions are good and so is your writing style, and you have really good potential to improve and become an AMAZING author.

You do switch from present to past tense a lot (hence why I gave you 3 stars on grammar) there's more past tense, so I suggest to switch to that so it will be easier. All it needs is a little editing.

I would say add more emotion to your characters. Tell us how they feel and why they are feeling it.

The plot is good and I liked it! Spruce it up a little, maybe improve your cover, and you'll have a great story that everyone will want to read :)

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Very Interesting!

It was very intriguing! The story kept me wanting to read on and I was very curious at what would happen next. There are a few slight spelling mistakes that can easily be fixed (for example, saying "nth" instead of "ninth" or "9th.") And I did feel like it was being rushed a bit, especially when you were describing how the 2nd and 3rd years went by. Maybe add a few scenes of what the character was doing, or how she was feeling, to make it a bit more descriptive. However the plot was amazing and your writing style is great :) Keep going!

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Beautiful

For such a young writer as you, this is very impressive! The history, the story, everything. You're a very good writer now--keep going and you'll be an awesome one!

There were a lot of grammatical errors, however. For instance, not capitalizing "British" or "Jake" and there were some spelling and punctuation mistakes. These can be fixed very easily though!

I did wish there was a bit more dialogue--when characters speak, it makes the story come alive in some ways. Your descriptions of certain events are very well done. It would also be nice to give your characters a personality--tell us about their hobbies, their looks, their interests. That way the readers can imagine them more clearly.

Overall I loved reading it. It's so amazing to see so many young authors writing here. Take care and keep on writing!

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Gorgeous

It’s just simply beautiful. The way you write and the way you can structure descriptions makes the story flow in a way that makes the reader breathless. I love the characters and the story so much, it’s definitely a favorite on Inkitt. There are a few slight punctuation mistakes, but it doesn’t distract from the story and they can be fixed easily. You’re a truly amazing writer and I can’t wait to see how everything plays out!

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