Autumn's Love

Author’s Note: Thank you for checking out my book. This is my first non-fantasy type Romance/Drama novel, and it’s a mostly raw work in progress right now. While I’ll do my best to edit it as it’s posted, along with proofreading and using spell-check and Grammarly, parts may still end up tweaked a little later (though not much). That said, I hope you enjoy my story :)

I always did hate waking up, but not so much as I’d started to during these last six months.

At this point in my life, sleep had become the only escape for me, and when the sun peeked through my windows, bringing light back to the world, it was like my escape was snatched away, and I had to face the bleak reality that I’d been handed.

This reality set in as I slowly opened my eyes, blinking to clear them. My room looked the same as it always did, and the clock on the nearby nightstand was saying that it was six in the morning.

Damn, that was so early, but unfortunately, also my normal time to get up. At least with it being this early I didn’t have to rush, and could even lie there for a few more minutes to take in that streaming sunlight.

My door was half open and the house was very quiet. I was sure that my father had left already. He usually headed out around five in the morning. Not that it mattered. We didn’t speak much anymore anyway.

Ten minutes passed before I finally forced myself to sit up, and I stretched and pulled my wheelchair closer to the bed. After sliding into it, I grabbed some fresh clothes from my nearby dresser, then headed to the bathroom to get ready for my day.

It had been almost a year now since I’d ended up in this wheelchair; almost a year since that terrible car accident that had changed my life forever. I couldn’t remember much about it, although there were still bits and pieces. I know that one moment I was riding home with my mom after we’d gone to see a movie, talking with her like I always did, and then I suddenly woke up in a hospital room.

From what I’ve been told, the accident that we’d been in was incredibly bad, and the doctors said that I was lucky to be alive. My mother had been going through an intersection across the highway, and a tractor-trailer sped through the red light, plowing into the back side of our car. It was a horrific impact, tearing off the back end of the car and spinning us out. My mother ended up with a broken hip, strained neck, and lots of cuts and bruises.

My injuries were even worse. The impact had been on my side, and it crushed several of my vertebrae along with fracturing my neck and badly breaking one of my legs. While they were able to treat my neck and leg, nothing could be done for my vertebrae, and I’d been left paralyzed from the waist down.

In other words, I’d never walk again.

I remember lying in that hospital bed begging God to wake me up from this terrible nightmare. But it never happened. This was reality, and eventually, I had to accept that I was going to live the rest of my life in a wheelchair, no matter how much I hated it.

Even though it was tough at first, I’d always been a very determined person, and I worked hard to get used to this new life of mine. I began viewing being stuck in this chair as more of an inconvenience than anything else. I was sure I was going to survive this, and I could make it as long as I kept persevering.

But sadly, my mother didn’t share in my determination.

Mom blamed herself a lot for the accident. I could see the anguish and regret in her eyes from the day I’d woken up from my coma. She kept telling me how sorry she was, that the accident had been all her fault. If she’d just waited a bit longer to go, if she’d looked better to make sure traffic was stopping, then that truck wouldn’t have hit us, and I wouldn’t have ended up paralyzed.

It didn’t matter what I said or how many times I told her that it wasn’t her fault. She never believed me. She kept insisting that she should’ve been the one in the wheelchair, though I admit that hearing her say that only made me feel worse. She’d been hurt badly too and had a long road to recovery with me. We needed to focus on helping each other get through this incredibly hard time, not place or take the blame.

We ended up going through six months of this before the next awful day came.

I still try not to think about that day. The police had shown up at our house with the horrible news; Mom had purchased a gun at the pawn shop, then went out to her car and shot herself in the head. She’d died instantly, leaving a short suicide note on the seat beside her apologizing to us and saying that she hoped her death could atone for what she’d done to me.

A tired breath escaped me as I pulled myself out of the shower and slowly got dressed before heading back to my room, where I sat in front of my vanity mirror to finish brushing my hair.

It had been six months since my mother’s suicide, and things had fallen into a dismal routine. I wondered if that was why I still didn’t feel like myself. I was coming to the conclusion that I never would after all of this. It was like something had been taken from me, something that I couldn’t comprehend yet had left me forever incomplete.

I set my hairbrush down and looked at my makeup, but didn’t feel like using it. Using makeup reminded me even more of how I looked like my mom. We had the same light brown hair and blue eyes, and her face haunted me when I looked into a mirror.

Besides, it wasn’t like anyone really noticed me anymore. That was another thing that dogged me since the accident and made me even more cynical about how I’d become.

It was crazy how much my life had changed since the accident and Mom’s suicide. I had been so popular before all of that. I was one of the smart, pretty girls who came from a well-to-do family and with plenty of friends. I was involved in a lot of things, and I loved the attention I got from others. I had boys lined up to date me, and I did my best to please them in the looks department. I was a brown-haired, blue-eyed beauty with a nice body and an outgoing personality; everything they dreamed of.

But after the accident, I quickly realized how shallow all of this had been. I ended up mostly alone. While others helped me when I needed it, they didn’t go out of their way to hang out with me like they used to. Most of my once “friends” even avoided me when they could, and the boys certainly weren’t looking anymore. It was like I’d become a stranger in a crowd I’d thought I’d known so well.

I’ll admit that, at first, this really depressed me, but shortly after my mother’s death, I just became numb to it all. Who needed superficial feelings anyway? It was better to just be alone. No one could hurt you when you were alone.

I did my best to push all of these thoughts aside as I looked away from the mirror and grabbed my purse and backpack. It was a little after seven, and I could hear the engine of the car pulling into the driveway as I came out into the living room. It looked like Amanda was right on time, as usual.

Amanda Clarence had never been one of the popular kids, but the two of us had always been friends. Before the accident, people used to refer to us as the “odd couple”. Amanda was very into the Goth look and loved to stun others with her outrageous outfits and dark makeup. She’d been that way since I’d met her in middle school. But the two of us quickly realized that we shared a lot of the same interests and hobbies, and honestly, I felt like she was a fascinating and very real person. It was easy for me to be friends with her, even if no one else liked it.

I opened the front door and rolled out, making sure it was locked before I continued down the ramp. Amanda was standing by her car waiting for me as I did, the morning light gleaming off of her jet-black short hair. She was wearing a black Goth dress and knee-high boots, and her black eyeliner made her green eyes stand out.

“Hey, beautiful morning, isn’t it?” she joked. She knew how much I detested these early mornings.

“Very funny. You know how I hate having to get up this early.” I complained as I got over to her.

She opened the door for me, and I slid into the seat, watching her fold my chair and put it in the backseat before she hopped into the driver’s side.

“So, what do you think? This is the first day of our Senior year. Are you gonna listen to all the college shit they’re going to be pushing on us?” she asked me as she pulled out of the driveway.

This was the routine that we’d worked out for this year. Amanda would come to pick me up in the morning and take me home in the afternoon. It worked out well when we considered how early my father went to work, not to mention she could help me with my chair.

“It doesn’t matter to me. I’m not thinking that much about college.” I told her.

“I don’t see where we need to rush into it. It’s just a lot of higher learning hoopla,” Amanda responded. She sat back a little in her seat, “By the way, I heard there’s gonna be a new guy joining our class too. Everybody’s talking about it.”

“When doesn’t everybody talk about the new kid?” I responded.

“True, true,” Amanda conceded, “But I know a little more about it because of my dad. Apparently, his is working with mine. Of course, you know Pops had to tell me all about them, and he was claiming that this guy is a wiz when it comes to machinery.”

“Wouldn’t they have to be in your dad’s line of work?” I reminded her.

Amanda waved her hand, “Yeah, yeah, I know; but I’m more interested in seeing this son of his. They claim he’s pretty cute.”

“Did anyone ever tell you that you have a problem when it comes to boys?”

“I don’t have a problem. I just like to look and judge for myself.”

It was crazy to think that there was a time when I would’ve been curious right along with her. But now, I didn’t care about anything like that.

We arrived at the school after swinging by Starbucks for some coffee, and Amanda parked in her usual spot, then got out to get my chair from the backseat for me. I opened my door as she did, sitting there and taking in the familiar sight of the building and parking lot. The last three years of my life had been spent here, getting ready for the next stage of it. It was weird to think that after this year I’d never have to come back here, at least not for school.

“Here you go. You’re okay getting out, right?” Amanda confirmed as she set my wheelchair beside the car.

“I’m good. I’ve got it.” I assured her.

I slid out carefully, making sure to keep my hold on the chair and the handle over the door. Again, this was something I’d gotten used to in the last year. At least it was a little more independence for me.

Unfortunately, I was also used to the stares and side glances I got as I followed Amanda to the school doors. There were plenty of other kids standing around, and no matter which ones they were, most tended to look at me whenever I was nearby. I knew what they were all thinking too. I’d even heard them say it out loud when they thought I was out of earshot.

Poor Autumn Lewis. She’s never going to walk again and her mom killed herself.

To hell with them! I thought bitterly. I don’t need any of them! I can take care of myself!

Amanda hit the button for the automatic door, and I went into the school with her, both of us immediately heading to the bulletin board that had all of the homeroom classes listed for the students. Since we lived in a small town and only had about two hundred students for each grade, this was the most efficient way for them to start us off. Our regular schedules would be on our assigned desks in our homerooms.

“Aw, God damn it! I’ve got Mr. Brinkley for the first period!” Amanda pouted, stomping her foot in frustration.

I couldn’t stop the smile from crossing my face. Once you’d been in this school for a while, you knew to fear having Mr. Brinkley for English. The man was older than dirt and droned on and on during class, not to mention was tough as nails. If you even looked like you were out of line, you got called out or sent to administration.

“Sucks to be you,” I teased. I wheeled myself back a little, “I’ve got Ms. Hazel, so I’m gonna get moving. It’s a long way to her classroom from here.”

“Do you need any help? I could always go with you and run back to mine. We’ve got time.” Amanda offered.

I shook my head, giving her what I hoped was a reassuring smile.

“No. I’ll be fine. I’ll see you at lunch, or in our next period if we end up having it together.”

“I guess,” Amanda reluctantly gave in, “Just be careful in that walkway. They need to repave the stupid thing, and some of those cracks were getting pretty big last year.”

“Will do. See ya.”

I’ll confess that even though I should’ve been thinking more about that, I still hated having to constantly ask for help or have someone offer it. Amanda was my friend and had the best of intentions, but I needed to do this stuff on my own.

After stopping at my locker and then throwing away my coffee cup, I wheeled through the commons and headed down the first hallway to the door that opened to the covered outside walkway. This was the only way to get to the extra building near the school where the Science classrooms were. The building wasn’t that big, but it worked well for these classes because the rooms were so big, not to mention the Environmental one had an entire Aquaculture system set up within it.

The cool morning air greeted me again as I wheeled myself out there, though it wasn’t that refreshing to me. My mind was already dwelling on what my future was going to be, and having no prospects was starting to depress me.

A few other students passed me as I slowly continued on, but I didn’t pay attention to them. Instead, I noted that the clouds were increasing as I looked up through the glass canopy over the walkway. Just great. I had heard on Amanda’s radio that it might end up raining off and on today.

God, I hated the rain. It brought back way too many bad memories.

I had been sitting there thinking about this for a few minutes when I suddenly heard a voice speak up near me.

“Excuse me. Do you need any help?”

I almost jumped, my head snapping to my left to see a guy I didn’t recognize standing there. He was broad-shouldered and tall, and his long honey-blonde bangs fell around his face and pretty chocolate-colored eyes. His clothing was casual like the other boys; loose blue jeans and a dark blue long-sleeved shirt. The way he looked at me didn’t feel like what I’d gotten used to since the accident. There was no pity in his eyes; only curiosity.

I did my best to act cool as I answered him, “No, I’m good. I was just thinking about something.”

“Okay,” He flashed me an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry if I overstepped by asking.”

“No, no! It’s fine! Really!” I insisted.

The guy chuckled, “It’s cool. I get that you can get around just fine. I just didn’t want to pass by if something was up and you needed help.”

“I get it, and seriously, I’m good. I’m gonna get moving now before I’m late.” I responded.

I started to wheel myself forward, feeling uncomfortable now. It had been forever since a guy had spoken that nicely to me.

But I didn’t get very far as my wheels hit one of the larger cracks in the walkway, effectively stopping me. I tried to get out of it, but it wouldn’t budge.

Oh yeah, this was gonna be a rotten first day.

The guy walked over to me as I vainly tried to free my wheel.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” he asked as he knelt in front of me.

“I’ll be fine. It’s just been a rough morning.” I confessed.

“Hey, it’ll be all right. Let me help you,” The guy stood up, going behind my wheelchair and unwedging it for me, “Why don’t we head inside together? What class are you in?”

“Ms. Hazel’s,” I answered.

He smiled as I looked back at him. He had such a cute smile, and I had to look away so that he didn’t see me blush.

“That’s cool. We have the same class,” he said happily.

“Yeah. Cool.” I muttered.

This felt awkward. Why was he being so friendly to me? I had no idea who he was, and I thought I’d seen a majority of the guys in this school by now.

That was when it dawned on me. Amanda had said that a new guy was starting today. This had to be him.

“You’re new here, aren’t you?” I guessed as we got to the door.

“Yeah. Guess you heard about me. It seems like word gets around quickly in a small town like this.” the guy confirmed.

“It can.”

“Can’t say it’s that surprising,” the guy said as we went into the building and headed down the hall to the classroom, “I’m Edward Peterson by the way, but you can call me Ed.”

“Edward? I haven’t heard that name in a long time. It’s pretty old-fashioned.” I commented.

Ed laughed, “Yeah, I know. I get that a lot.”

We had reached the classroom by then, and I took in the sight of the tables lining it. There was plenty of room for me to maneuver myself around in there, and after scanning the papers on the first table, I found my schedule at the end of the second.

How nice of them. They were making sure I could get in and out of there without too much trouble.

Ed walked over beside me, and incredibly, his schedule was there. His seat was beside mine. What the hell were those odds in a class of thirty kids?

Ed pulled out his chair, sat down beside me, and rested his arm on the table.

“So, what’s your name?” he inquired.

“Autumn Lewis.” I introduced myself.

“Autumn. That’s a pretty name. It fits you.”

“Thanks,” I decided to change the subject to try and subdue the embarrassment I felt from his flirtatious comment, “So, when did your family move to town, Ed?”

“About two weeks ago.”

“Where are you from?”

“We came from Baltimore. My dad was looking for a change in scenery after Mom died, and since he and Grandma are originally from this area, he thought it would be nice to come back.” Ed explained.

“Oh,” I became a little more subdued, “I’m sorry to hear that about your mom.”

“It’s all right. It’s sad not to have her, but at least she’s not suffering now.”

More people were coming into the class by then, including the teacher, and we all became quiet as the bell rang. Ms. Hazel wasted no time in getting started afterward. I pulled out my notebook as she had us take notes, still glancing at the boy sitting beside me and chiding myself for getting so friendly so fast. He didn’t know me yet and probably wanted someone to talk to because he was new.

But his words stuck out to me. He’d moved here with his father and grandmother after his mother died. Did he know about me and my mom? Probably not yet. I wondered what had happened to his. Maybe I could find out later from Amanda. Her father worked with his dad, so she might’ve heard about it from him.

The class droned on for the next hour, and I was already so bored. I hated Chemistry, but I needed the credit, so I’d somehow make it through, hopefully skimming by with at least a high D.

To distract myself, I kept glancing around, though I kept sneaking peeks at Ed. He really was a cute guy. I wished I could’ve met him before my accident. I wouldn’t have minded going on a date or two with him.

But as I was studying him, I noticed something I hadn’t before.

He was left-handed.

That was different. I hadn’t met many people who were left-handed, and he wrote so neatly too. It might’ve been silly of me, but I thought that was interesting.

I shook my head as I looked at my notebook again. This was silly. I needed to focus on what I needed to do.

The bell finally rang, and I stretched as everyone began packing up to leave for their next class. Ed was gathering this stuff too, and I turned to face him.

“It was nice meeting you, Ed. Maybe we’ll see each other around.”

He looked a little surprised when he heard me say that.

“I hope so, but this shouldn’t be goodbye yet. At least let me go with you back to the main building.” he insisted.

It wasn’t worth protesting. He’d probably insist on it until I gave in. Besides, it was kind of nice not to be alone going back. We could just go our separate ways once we were in the main building. It wasn’t like I trusted him. I wasn’t ready to trust anyone outside of Amanda. Not with all I’d lost.

“Fine. We can do that, but I’ll have to make sure I get to my next class, so I can’t talk long.” I reminded him as we left the room together.

“What’s your next class?” Ed inquired.

I showed him my schedule, “English with Mr. Jenkins.”

“That’s cool,” Ed smiled as he handed my schedule back, “Looks like we have our morning classes together.”

You had to be kidding me. That was like some bad cosmic joke, especially as we got to our next class and more people were trying to talk to him. I sat with my head down, remaining quiet and allowing myself to fade into the background as much as possible. Hopefully, Ed would lose interest in talking to me soon enough, once he started fitting in with these other cool kids.

It was kind of sad to me though. There had been a time in my life when I would’ve jumped at the chance to be this guy’s friend. Not only was he cute, but he seemed genuinely nice. Too bad I’d become what I was.

Lunch finally came, and I managed to slip away before Ed could notice, quickly wheeling myself to the commons area and finding a table on the far end so that I couldn’t be spotted as easily. I held my head and let out an exhausted sigh. I could already feel the headache starting, and it was my own damn fault. I’d let this stuff with this new guy get to me way too much.

“Having a bad morning?”

Amanda’s voice brought me back to reality, and I slowly raised my head to see her sitting in the chair beside me.

“Horrible,” I muttered.

“Are you okay? Did something happen?” she asked, looking concerned.

I shook my head, knowing that my headache may now get worse, but it was best for me to be honest with her. She might start tearing through the people in my classes to find out what was going on.

“Nothing happened. I just got overwhelmed with kindness.” I confessed.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Amanda asked, sounding as confused as she looked.

“I met the new guy, and he decided to be nice.” I clarified.

“Oh…” Amanda slowly nodded, though she also immediately began perking up. Not good. This was going just like I’d feared, “What’s his name? What’s he like? I need details!”

“You know about his dad and you don’t know his name?” I responded impatiently.

“I can’t help that my dad didn’t tell me!” Amanda retorted.

“Fine,” I relented, “His name’s Edward Peterson, and he’s in my morning classes.”

“Edward? What kind of name is that?!”

I expected as much. I’d kind of said it too.

“I knew you wouldn’t like it, but seriously, he is cute, if that’s what you want to know,” I told her.

“How cute are we talking?” Amanda pressed.

I glanced up to see Ed standing nearby, talking to one of the guys from our last class. They seemed to be having a serious conversation, which I was glad of. He wasn’t noticing me close by.

“Take a look for yourself. He’s standing right there talking with Lee Jones.” I responded.

Amanda followed my gaze, and her mouth dropped open.

“Cute? Are you kidding? He’s gorgeous!” she whispered.

“Yeah, I guess so.” I reluctantly admitted. It was hard for me to do that, and I wouldn’t have to anyone else except for her.

“Come on, Autumn! You know he’s totally cute, and totally your type!” Amanda goaded me. She looked back at Ed, then seemed to notice something, “That’s odd.”

“What?” I asked, looking at Ed too. But nothing looked any different about him to me.

“You didn’t notice?” Amanda asked, “Look at his right hand.”

I did as she said, now seeing what she was talking about. Ed had a prosthetic hand. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed it during the time I’d been so close to him, although it was a pretty real-looking one. It must’ve been top-of-the-line. I wondered if he was just missing his hand or also part of his arm.

As if sensing our stares, Ed looked towards us. I immediately looked down, and Amanda pretended to be looking at me.

“Crap. I hope he didn’t catch that!” she whispered.

“Hope not,” I whispered back.

Thankfully, Ed didn’t turn or act like he’d noticed us. I let out a sigh of relief as he continued talking with a few other boys who had walked over, though I admit that I was still looking at his hand. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed it before. I must’ve been too busy taking in how cute he was.

But then, a missing hand was nothing compared to not being able to walk. Ed could easily move on and do what he wanted. I wasn’t sure that I could.

Our day went on normally after all of this. Ed wasn’t in my afternoon classes, so I didn’t have to worry about keeping my guard up. The only problem was that I remained extremely curious about him, even though I swore that I wasn’t going to let him get close to me. It wasn’t worth the heartache when he fell in with the cool kids and started to ignore me, which I was sure would happen soon.

Yet going home that afternoon, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if that didn’t happen. What if Ed could like me how I was, and be my friend? What if I didn’t only have Amanda, but him too?

The thought stayed with me like a small hope, and even though I didn’t intend to, I ended up falling asleep envisioning his beautiful chocolate eyes and that sweet smile.