S.B.K. Burns

San Diego, CA

The graduate of more coursework than I want to remember. The wife of the next Bill Gates of alternate energy. The mother of the smartest son on the planet.

Overall Rating
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709

Loved it!
Loved the depth of thought that went into this piece.
I loved my mind getting twisted around the time loop phenomenon.
I even wondered if there was some way to buy a second machine and feed it to the first.
This story was so much fun. Made my day.
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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Laruna Lust

Excellent Storytelling

A couple of GLITCHES having to do with your reference to Jeff:

"Leave him alone, Jeff"
Lorraine was pulling on his shirt.

Suggestion: Lorraine pulled on Jeff's shirt. "Leave him alone."

Also, some of the dialogue could be tagged by not putting the tag in a new paragraph, as
exampled above.

Otherwise near perfection.

Keep it up, Ben.

Susan (S.B.K. Burns)

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Overall Rating
Plot
Writing Style
Grammar Punctuation

Status

Just Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Poetry to my ears.
I believe it would be of great help to other authors to observe your passion here.
Great author voice.
It's accessible.
It's Powerful.
Was with your character the whole way.
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Top 10 in Beyond Time

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