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S.B.K. Burns
San Diego, CA
The graduate of more coursework than I want to remember. The wife of the next Bill Gates of alternate energy. The mother of the smartest son on the planet.
709
Loved it!
Loved the depth of thought that went into this piece.
I loved my mind getting twisted around the time loop phenomenon.
I even wondered if there was some way to buy a second machine and feed it to the first.
This story was so much fun. Made my day.
Want more!
Laruna Lust
Excellent Storytelling
A couple of GLITCHES having to do with your reference to Jeff:
"Leave him alone, Jeff"
Lorraine was pulling on his shirt.
Suggestion: Lorraine pulled on Jeff's shirt. "Leave him alone."
Also, some of the dialogue could be tagged by not putting the tag in a new paragraph, as
exampled above.
Otherwise near perfection.
Keep it up, Ben.
Susan (S.B.K. Burns)
Status
Just Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Poetry to my ears.
I believe it would be of great help to other authors to observe your passion here.
Great author voice.
It's accessible.
It's Powerful.
Was with your character the whole way.
Want More.
Followed Reading Lists
Top 10 in Beyond Time
